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5 Spiritual Tools for Addiction Recovery

Body, Healing, Spirit

Nurturing a spiritual practice is a time-honored way for recovering addicts to stay strong in their recovery. It’s the foundation of many recovery paths, including the 12-Step program. Maintaining a spiritual practice doesn’t have to mean adhering to a religion. A spiritual practice can be any practice that promotes inner peace and helps a person feel like he or she is a part of something larger than him or herself.

For people in recovery, spiritual practices can be valuable coping tools to help them regulate their emotions and deal with the normal ups and downs of everyday life. No matter how difficult and stressful your life becomes, spiritual tools can help you find a sense of clarity and inner strength. Some of the most valuable and common tools recovering addicts can benefit from include prayer, meditation, religious practice, physical disciplines like yoga or qi gong, and mindfulness practices. [Read more…] about 5 Spiritual Tools for Addiction Recovery

Originally posted on May 28, 2015 @ 5:58 am

4 Ways To Bounce Back From Life’s Disappointments

Healing, Life, Spirit

Human relationships, essentially, will always have their share of grief and sorrow. But learning how to get up again and bounce back from life’s disappointments will benefit you in more ways than you think. When you move on from a hurtful experience and refuse to be resentful and bitter, you’ll soon realize that the quality of your life is enhanced and you find that the once elusive peace, harmony and joy are right there within you. You learn how to be kinder, more compassionate and generous. And you’ll be surprised when the people in your life give them back to you a hundredfold.
life is like a box of chocolates

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Here are positive traits to develop so that when you encounter disappointments, you can accept and overcome them, and emerge a better person for it.

Learn to forgive.

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Forgiving someone who has wronged you in a terrible way sounds impossible. And it may be, because the common perception of forgiveness is to forget what that person has done and let them back into your life like nothing happened. But forgiveness has to do with how you confront the wrong done to you; it doesn’t have to involve the other party. When you forgive, you accept that it happened, it caused you pain and you make peace with that knowledge; then you let it go and bring it to closure. It’s not necessary to reconnect with the person who hurt you. They may not be worth it. But don’t harbor bitterness and resentment against them either.

‘Forgiveness means cleansing your soul of “what might have been,” “what should have been,” and “what didn’t have to happen” – Harold Kushner

Develop resilience.

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Disappointment stems from many causes – unmet expectations, betrayal, defeat. When these happen, it’s normal to feel like giving up or sulking. But bear in mind that setbacks are unavoidable and, in the grand scheme of things, what happened to you is no worse than other people’s problems.

To be resilient is to bounce back from life’s disappointments and look for solutions to overcome them. A relationship fell short of what you expected, a promotion went to a co-worker when you felt you deserved it, friends or family did not deliver. Put these blows in their proper perspective. What’s the worst that can happen? It’s better to know your prospective partner now than later, the non-promotion is the impetus you need to double up your efforts in your job, and accept other people for what they are, not what you want them to be.

[tweetthis url=”https://www.thedailymind.com/happiness/4-ways-to-bounce-back-from-lifes-disappointments/”]“Resilience is accepting your new reality, even if it’s less good…” – Elizabeth Edwards[/tweetthis]

Lower your expectations.

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Expectations are borne out of the beliefs you grew up with. It was foisted on you by your elders and formed from what you observed during your impressionable years. Growing up to adulthood, you feel disappointed when people do not behave according to your standards and events play out contrary to what you expected. Unmet expectations lead to anxiety, anger, hurt and disappointment. Expectations also come from a sense of entitlement. You have an unspoken demand for people to behave according to your standards because you feel superior to them.

To avoid being disappointed, keep an open mind. Discard the guidelines you have set for everyone else to follow. Be more accepting of other people’s behaviors, thoughts and opinions without having to agree with them or having to defend your own views.

[tweetthis url=”https://www.thedailymind.com/happiness/4-ways-to-bounce-back-from-lifes-disappointments/”]“Blessed are they who expect nothing, for they shall not be disappointed.” – the 9th Beatitude[/tweetthis]

Cultivate humility.

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Contrary to most people’s understanding, humility is not being a wimp, or allowing others to abuse you, or denying your skills and talents. Rather, humility is letting go of the ego. When you set your ego aside

  • You don’t become defensive or feel the need to win arguments
  • You don’t seek revenge for a wrong done to you
  • You can say “I’m sorry” without feeling small
  • You don’t seek applause if you have done something good

Being all these, you treat disappointments as inevitable in your life and you know that they will pass, but life goes on anyway, so you just make the best of it.

[tweetthis url=”https://www.thedailymind.com/happiness/4-ways-to-bounce-back-from-lifes-disappointments/”]“Humility is the solid foundation of all virtues.” – Confucius[/tweetthis]

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3 Simple Things to Do When Your World Spirals Out of Control

Originally posted on April 23, 2015 @ 10:29 pm

How To Deal With The Quarter Life Crisis

Healing, Life, Personal Growth, Spirit

We all know about mid-life crisis. It’s when men on their way to their 50s start driving sports cars and having an affair and women begin questioning life’s meaning or, more desperately, having Botox and an affair simultaneously. What’s lesser known and not getting the attention it deserves is the quarter life crisis.

This condition afflicts the people you would least expect to be beset by it. They’re the millennials, now in their mid-twenties to early thirties, who have the world at their feet and yet are not thrilled by it. They have finished college, landed jobs and may be starting families. Then suddenly, confusion grips them. Before learning how to deal with the twentysomething blues, know more about what it is and how to tell if you’re suffering from it.

Quarter-life crisis: The millenials' affliction
Laura Mountford. “I always look down on myself” www.flickr.com. 25 May 2011

What causes the Quarter Life Crisis?

At present, there are only anecdotal studies on the cause and prevalence of this phenomenon. Surveys done by commercial companies for their own research give us a clue. Media company Entertainment One polled 2,000 young adults in relation to their movie Side Effects and found that one third of them were seeing therapists and one fourth were on antidepressants. Gumtree.com, a UK-based classified ads site, in a census they conducted, found that 86 percent of 1,100 people were feeling intense pressure to earn more money, marry and raise kids, change residence or make a career change.

How is QLC manifested?

Young adults who frequently think they are not meeting the standards they have set for themselves or living up to the expectations of their parents slide into depression, anxiety and loneliness. They feel insecure and lose the enthusiasm of facing a new day, going to work and maintaining a relationship. Lethargy sets in and even doing the daily tasks is a huge effort.

Hence, deadlines are not met, reports are not done, partners feel neglected, debts pile up and the insecurities and anxiety worsen. It’s a vicious cycle. But professional help and family support play a key role in breaking the cycle so that the person in crisis can overcome this particularly difficult phase in life. Otherwise, drugs, alcohol and dangerous sex become convenient channels for escape.

How You Can Help Yourself

Before going to a psychologist or mental health professional, try a little self-help.

1. Embrace an attitude of gratitude.

Are you really as doomed as other people? If you have a job, you’re lucky. With true unemployment rate in the US reaching 12.6%, you should be thanking your stars you can pay the bills. If you have a house, family, friends and a dog, think of the lonely homeless people roaming around. It’s a matter of perspective. Stop complaining and start appreciating your circumstances.

2. Take a step back and reevaluate your goals.

Have you been sidetracked from achieving your goals? Determine the obstacles and eliminate them. It could be lack of skills, fear, or other people. Sign up for courses in skills development or get it free from the internet. Overcome your fear by breaking down your goals into small tasks that look attainable. Get rid of negative people in your life. This one is harder than it seems. So, just avoid them or change how you view them.

3. Stop defining yourself based on what your friends have achieved.

Comparing your own achievements with that of your friends or colleagues is downright depressing. Yet competitiveness is common among Gen Y-ers. That’s because they haven’t found their own identity yet and success is measured by external appearances. But even a high-paying job, flashy cars, designer wear or a beautiful family are only temporary morale boosters.

Instead of measuring yourself against other people your age, find your own path, seek a career that is meaningful to you and create goals that you actually want, not what others expect from you.

You might also like 7 Things to Keep Doing to Make Life Harder

Originally posted on April 2, 2015 @ 11:23 pm

10 Quotes on Grief and Healing

Healing, Spirit

Grief can be a debilitating thing, and while everyone says time heals all wounds, those who suffer from the loss of a loved one knows that there is no formula for dealing with grief.

It can be that a month after the passing of a loved one, things seem okay. Then suddenly, a week (or month) later, the loss hits you hard once again. There are periods when it seems that the grieving process will never end.

It’s been a little over four months since my mom passed, but it’s only now that the grief is intensifying. It hits me at random times, but especially at night before going to bed. I didn’t think it would be this difficult, especially since we had been expecting it to happen for a year or so.

I couldn’t have been more wrong. As Meghan O’Rourke says, “I wasn’t prepared for the fact that grief is so unpredictable. It wasn’t just sadness, and it wasn’t linear. Somehow I’d thought that the first days would be the worst and then it would get steadily better – like getting over the flu. That’s not how it was.”

There are many ways people can deal with grief, but I’ve found that reading poems, quotes, and stories of how other people cope(d) with their loss help – even if temporarily.

Poems to Help with Grief and Loss

Today, I’d like to share some quotes that may help ease that pain and yearning when grief hits you hard.

Here are some quotes on grief and healing.

1. There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love. ~Washington Irving
2. You will lose someone you can’t live without,and your heart will be badly broken, and the bad news is that you never completely get over the loss of your beloved. But this is also the good news. They live forever in your broken heart that doesn’t seal back up. And you come through. It’s like having a broken leg that never heals perfectly—that still hurts when the weather gets cold, but you learn to dance with the limp. ~ Anne Lamott
3. Give sorrow words; the grief that does not speak knits up the o-er wrought heart and bids it break. ~William Shakespeare, Macbeth
4. The five stages – denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance – are a part of the framework that makes up our learning to live with the one we lost. They are tools to help us frame and identify what we may be feeling. But they are not stops on some linear timeline in grief. ~Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
5. Deep grief sometimes is almost like a specific location, a coordinate on a map of time. When you are standing in that forest of sorrow, you cannot imagine that you could ever find your way to a better place. But if someone can assure you that they themselves have stood in that same place, and now have moved on, sometimes this will bring hope. ~Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love

quotes on grief

6. Grief is a most peculiar thing; we’re so helpless in the face of it. It’s like a window that will simply open of its own accord. The room grows cold, and we can do nothing but shiver. But it opens a little less each time, and a little less; and one day we wonder what has become of it. ~Arthur Golden, Memoirs of a Geisha
7. Everyone grieves in different ways. For some, it could take longer or shorter. I do know it never disappears. An ember still smolders inside me. Most days, I don’t notice it, but, out of the blue, it’ll flare to life. ~Maria V. Snyder, Storm Glass
8. Excess of grief for the dead is madness; for it is an injury to the living, and the dead know it not. ~Xenophon
9. I think you have to deal with grief in the sense that you have to recognize that you have it, and say that it’s OK to have all the sadness. ~Ann Richards
10. You attend the funeral, you bid the dead farewell. You grieve. Then you continue with your life. And at times the fact of her absence will hit you like a blow to the chest, and you will weep. But this will happen less and less as time goes on. She is dead. You are alive. So live. ~Neil Gaiman, The Sandman, Vol. 6: Fables and Reflections

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Originally posted on March 24, 2015 @ 8:30 am

How You Can Be The Helping Hand That Your Suffering Friend Needs

Healing, Life, Spirit

Sticking out your neck for your friend in trouble or having their backs in their time of need is a true sign of friendship.

But offering your helping hand will do just fine as well.

If your friend is going through depression, divorce, loss, or others, then the best way to help them is by reaching out. A simple gesture that acknowledges that you are there for them is a testament to your friendship.

Below are examples of ways how you can lend your hand to your suffering friends.

Be there

It’s one thing to say that you’re there for your friend. It’s another to actually be there.

Cancel all your appointments and find a way to get to where your friend is. Travel light or book your flight and inform your friend when you will be arriving to meet him or her. Bring them something that gives comfort to your friend or makes them happy in an effort to cheer them up. Bringing them comfort food is the good place to start.

Listen

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For your friends going through a divorce, it’s tempting to pass judgment on what they should have done as a couple. For that, they can just speak to a divorce lawyer. If you’re not one, don’t act as if you are by suggesting things that your friend should do.

Here’s the thing: it’s not always about giving advice that makes you a friend. Instead, just him or her  do the talking and get off some steam. Let your friend express their emotions and allow them to process through it. Your role as a friend is to be the buffer and support in all of this. Hear them out with everything they have to say and only share your thoughts when asked by your friend.

Offer to do an errand

The saying, “If there’s anything I can do for you, let me know” applies here.

If there’s paperwork that needs to be filed or even children who need to be looked over in a day, be gracious enough to do this to your friend. Even offering to do menial tasks such as household chores can be of great help to them, given that most people don’t like cleaning.

If these tasks will bring a smile to your friend or help them lighten the burden they’re carrying, then unconditionally do these for him or her.

Be strong for them

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Don’t let their grief affect you. As their support system, it is your duty to remain their rock in all of this. They will lean on you and the best thing you can do is not fall.

You can refer to these quotes about strength of the human will to not only inspire them with the challenge in front of them, but also yourself.

Treat them to something nice

Most grieving people are brought down a couple of notches due to the devastation brought by their loss. As as friend, you want to give a lending hand to bring them back to their normal self.

Doing something with your friend together can bring wonders. Going to bars, getting a massage therapy, going on a road trip, travelling abroad , or following these tips should help your friend get out of a funk.

Before doing these, it is important to talk your friend into doing these with you and your other friends. Don’t force him or her to do any of these things with you but make your friend understand the importance of this activities for his or her well-being.

At the end of the day, there’s so much you can ask from your suffering friend. But leading them to choose happiness and showing them that life is indeed beautiful despite everything is the best thing that you as a friend can do.

More on suffering friend:

How to Become More Patient With Friends, Enemies & Circumstances

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Originally posted on February 24, 2015 @ 9:34 am

Poems to Help with Grief and Loss

Healing, Inspiration, Life, Spirit

Loss is a part of life, and while we may think we are ready to lose someone or something, that is not really the case. In fact, psychologists say that one can never be really ready for such things.

Whether you have lost a loved one, have gone through a break up, or have had any experience of loss, you will have to go through the process and/or stages of grieving. Based on an article by Julie Axelrod of PsychCentral, the five stages of grieving are:

  • Denial and Isolation
  • Anger
  • Bargaining
  • Depression
  • Acceptance

These stages may not occur in order, and they may happen in a cyclical fashion. What’s important, however, is that you allow yourself to grieve. Going through those cycles, acknowledging your loss, and facing your emotions are all essential to regaining a healthy mental and emotional state.

Related: Stages of Grieving: Take the Steps to a Resourceful Life

I believe that part of going through the grieving process is finding your own ways to let your emotions go, as well as strengthening yourself mentally and emotionally.

Recently, my mom passed away after a year-long battle with stage IV gastric cancer. The past year has taken a heavy toll on the family, but her passing hit everyone even harder. The members of our family have their own way of coping. For me, reading poems help, and I’d like to share them with you. Hopefully, if you’re in a similar situation, these will help you, too.

Poems

Do Not Stand At My Grave And Weep by Mary Elizabeth Frye

Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning’s hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there. I did not die.

Remember by Christina Rossetti

Remember me when I am gone away,
Gone far away into the silent land;
When you can go no more hold me by the hand,
Nor I half turn to go yet turning stay.
Remember me when no more day by day
You tell me of our future that you planned:
Only remember me; you understand
It will be late to counsel then or pray.
Yet if you should forget me for a while
And afterwards remember, do not grieve:
For if the darkness and corruption leave
A vestige of the thoughts that once I had,
Better by far you should forget and smile
Than that you should remember and be sad.

By Herself and Her Friends by Joyce Grenfell

If I should go before the rest of you
Break not a flower nor inscribe a stone,
Nor when I’m gone speak in a Sunday voice
But be the usual selves that I have known.
Weep if you must, Parting is hell,
But Life goes on, So sing as well.

A Time for Everything; Ecclesiastes 3:1-8, The Bible

There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:
a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.

Related reading: 10 Quotes to Give You Courage

Originally posted on December 9, 2014 @ 9:30 am