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Daily Steps To Mindful Living

anxiety

Be your own NLP master

Personal Growth, Spirit

I’m a big fan of NLP – or neuro linguistic programming – so I thought I’d devote this particular blog post to some of my favourite NLP techniques.

NLP is a personal development system based on an understanding of how the mind works – how people use thoughts, feelings, words and actions – and using this understanding to enhance our potential. Life’s everyday challenges can often produce stress, anxiety or anger if we are unable to find the right strategies to deal with them, so this is where NLP can come in handy.


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Here are some things NLP can help with:

  • Releasing negative emotions such as anger, depression, anxiety, sadness, fear, hurt and guilt.
  • Helping people who feel stuck in their careers or relationships, or those who are looking to change direction in their life.
  • Boosting confidence and self belief in all areas of life.
  • Demonstrating how to focus on what you want and feeling good, rather than on what you don’t want and feeling bad.
  • Providing effective listening and communication skills to improve relationships with colleagues, family, partners, and most of all yourself.

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Originally posted on December 27, 2011 @ 6:49 am

How to Deal With Anxiety at Parties and Social Gatherings

Inspiration, Life, Spirit


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Parties and social gatherings are a part of life. They are intended to be happy occasions where friends and colleagues get together to catch up and unwind. However, there are a lot of people out there who hate going to parties because they experience high level of anxiety. I used to be one of them. In this post I am going to give you some simple ways to deal with stress and anxiety at parties and social gatherings.

Are you afraid of the marketplace?

First of all it is interesting to look at the condition known as agoraphobia. This word comes from the Greek words agora and phobos and literally translates as “fear of the marketplace”.

Agoraphobia is where people become anxious in situations with which they are unfamiliar or have little control (ie parties). The anxiety is often made worse by the fear of possibly having a panic attack in that unfamiliar situation. The fear and anxiety often spirals out of control and leaves you feeling completely sick and alone.




The condition known as agoraphobia is slightly shrouded in mystery. Experts know what it is but, in truth, they have no idea what causes the problem. There are many different theories and at this time that is all we have to go on. If you find that your fear of parties and social gatherings is becoming more and more serious it is possible that you have this common condition. In that case, it would be a good idea to go and visit your local GP for advice.

How to deal with anxiety at parties and social gatherings


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Even if you do have the condition of agoraphobia the techniques I am about to give you will be of some use. As I mentioned, I used to get extremely anxious before a party. But by using these methods I was soon able to overcome the problem completely.

1. Go with a friend who knows about your problem
Back in high school when I used to suffer from this sort of social gathering related anxiety I had a really good friend who knew my condition. I felt completely comfortable around him and he was very accepting of my reactions. Going to a party with him was a great support because I knew with 100% certainty that he would make excuses for me or support me if I needed to go.

If you have a friend with whom you can be completely open with about your condition it is a great idea to ask them to come along with you. My friend used to be my saving grace – never judgmental or impatient. I remember one party we went to when we were 18 where he sat in the car with me for over an hour just talking to me because he knew I needed to calm down. It was a massive gift for me when everyone else (parents, sisters, etc.) were telling me to just “get over it”.

Try to be open about your problem. I always found that telling people made it better, not worse. If people are aware that you get a little anxious they will always support you.

2. Understand that you’re not that important
The title of this point might seem a little bit harsh but it is something that really helped me out. Give me a few paragraphs to explain because I think it could help you too.

Understanding that you are not that important is a valuable tool to learn. To this day I feel that a lot of my anxiety at parties came because I wanted to uphold a certain “persona” or “character” and I got anxious when I felt that there was going to a be a situation where I might be “exposed”. For example, high school is a time when everyone is trying to be cool and fit in. If you get anxious before a party it might be because you are worrying too much about what other people think about you. You spend so much time worrying what others think about you that it ends up making you really nervous, paranoid and anxious.

Sometimes it is useful to say to yourself, “I am not that important. People are not thinking about me at every moment. My every move is not being scrutinized.” If you be realistic you will come to realize that most people are too wrapped up in their own issues and neurosis to be concerned with you.

3. Cut the pre-party worry chain
Getting anxious at the party itself is only part of the battle. One of the worst things that sufferers of this condition experience is days or even weeks of nervous anticipation. They worry and think about the party so much before hand that when they arrive at the day of the party itself the anxiety is beyond control.

If you want to learn how to deal with anxiety and panic at a party you need to take care of the preparation. Preparing yourself by worrying will only lead to bad experiences. If you can, however, cut the chain of worry you will find that the party itself is not at all that bad.

I wrote a lot about worry in this post on how to deal with worry. The basic technique that you need to learn is simply becoming aware of the fact that you are worrying. Look inside your mind and notice that worry is arising. You don’t need to try to get rid of it or force it out, just become aware of it. When you can do this you will find that it has a lot less power and you are more able to gain control over your mind.

4. Bring to mind the truth of impermanence
When you are suffering from a panic attack or high levels of anxiety it is useful to remember that nothing is permanent. Your panic, anxiety and stress will all go away soon enough.

For example, if you are going to a party and you really do not want to go because you are feeling anxious it is good to bring to mind the fact that both the party and your anxiety will soon finish. They will not last forever. The great thing about this strategy is that you know it is true – you can look at your own experiences to realize that anxiety doesn’t last. It never has before and it never will – it is always going to be impermanent.

The next time you rock up to a party or social gathering and start to feel the anxiety creeping in just take a moment to sit under the sky and say to yourself, “This won’t last.” Remind yourself that your panic will come, but it will also go. The party has started, but it will soon finish. Why get so worked up about something that is only fleeting? This really helped me with my own anxiety.

5. Don’t drink alcohol, coffee or smoke anything
This should be a given but many people do not realize the negative effects that these three substances have on your anxiety and stress. Coffee, alcohol and smoking (tobacco and marijuana) all lead to increased levels of anxiety.

If you cut out these substances you will not automatically cure your party anxiety. It will still probably come about. However, the flip side of this is that if you DO take these substances your anxiety and panic will get much worse. While I have never been a drinker or a smoker, I did used to consume an awful lot of coffee. I didn’t realize it at the time but it was making me very anxious. As soon as I cut it out I noticed that my mind was much easier to control – much more relaxed.

Next time you have a party to go to try cutting out these three things. See how your mind reacts. See how your body reacts. See if you feel more in control. I think you will be pleasantly surprised.

6. Stop the mental chatter
This point is closely related to the strategy about cutting the worry chain. However, this point has more to do with the internal “conversation” that we all seem to have. This mental chatter, in my experience, makes dealing with anxiety a lot worse.

Let’s pretend you are going to a party and all your old high school friends are going to be there. You might start feeling a little anxious and so, as a means to deal with your anxiety, you start talking to yourself about all the different situations that might arise at the party. Your goal is to “cover” all the possible scenarios that might occur and in doing so you believe that you will be better prepared for the party. Wrong.

Mental chatter always makes worry and anxiety worse. The reason for this is simple: worry never sorts anything out. You could spend every minute of everyday for 1000 years thinking about a party but you will never find a solution. The more you internally jabber on about it the worse your anxiety will become.

The next time you notice yourself starting one of these internal dialogues remind yourself that nothing good will come of it. You will not be able to sort out anything by thinking about it. All you are doing is wasting precious time worrying about something that might/might not happen! What a waste of energy.

7. Exercise before hand
Exercise has been scientifically proven to improve the happiness of a person. The reason exercise makes you happy is twofold. Firstly, exercises causes your body to release a chemical called endorphins which make you feel good. Secondly, when you exercise you feel better about yourself mentally. Exercising before a party can be a great way to get a hold on the stress.

The best exercise you can do is something that is considered “high intensity”. My personal favorite are heavy weights or martial arts. These exercises fill you with confidence and to some degree relax your body such that you are less likely to feel the stresses and pains of anxiety overcoming you.

Another form of exercise that might be beneficial is yoga or tai chi. These have been used for centuries to calm the mind and relax the body. It is said that getting the internal energies or “chi” under control will help you to stay calm. Yoga and tai chi certainly do this.

8. Remember, it could be worse!
Sometimes it is tempting to think that a party is the worst place to be on Earth. But it isn’t. Life could be a lot worse.

I always found it really helpful to remember that I am quite fortunate to be able to attend a party with my friends and family. Many people around the world do not have the freedom or the ability to attend parties – their life is spent just surviving. The next time you feel like the anxiety is too much remind yourself that a party is actually a happy event. Don’t let your own issues spoil it for you.

How about you?

I would love to hear whether or not you get nervous before a party. Do you feel stress, anxious and sometimes panicked before it starts? If so, have you found any techniques that help to calm you down? Please leave a comment and let everyone know. As I always say, it might really help someone reading this article.

Originally posted on January 27, 2009 @ 4:02 am

Dealing With Panic: How to Calm Down During a Panic Attack

Mental Health, Mind


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If you have ever had a panic attack you will know how bad they are. Your heart rate goes up, you feel like throwing up and you just want to figure out a way to calm down. It is terrible and it often feels like there is no solution.

A few years ago I had a series of panic attacks and during this time I learned some pretty simple ways to deal with them. In this post I want to share with you my simple but seemingly effective ways to calm down during a panic attack.

Are you sure it is a panic attack?

Panic attacks look different in everybody but they have some common threads. During a panic attack you will feel dizzy, nauseous and your heart rate will increase. Quite often you feel like the walls are closing in and you don’t know what to do or where to turn. This feeling of hopelessness often makes the whole situation worse.

Panic attacks are said to be one of the most frightening things a human can experience.

The most important thing that you can do is go and see your doctor. If your panic attacks are occurring regularly you need to get some professional advice as it might be related to another physical or psychological problem. In the meantime you can use these suggestions to help calm you down.

How to calm down and deal with a panic attack


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1. Sit down and breathe into a paper bag
The first thing that most panic attack experts will tell you to do during a panic attack is breathe. Sometimes they will tell you to breathe in to a paper bag. This is a good idea.

When you have a panic attack your heart rate will go up. You will start to breathe faster and this elevates the level of oxygen in your blood. Not a great thing. When you have too much oxygen in your blood you will be tricked into thinking you are short of breathe but in actual fact you have too much breathe! Breathing fast causes your body to hold on to too much oxygen and not enough carbon dioxide and as such you start to feel dizzy and short of breathe.

Breathing in to a paper helps balance this mess out because you are breathing in mostly carbon dioxide that you have already exhaled. This will slow down your hyperventilation and rebalance your oxygen levels.

2. Go outside into the open
After my first panic attack I was left feeling terrified and vulnerable. I had heard about panic attacks but I had never realized how bad they could be. One of the scariest things about the panic attack was that I felt completely confined and unable to escape the situation.

So the next time I felt a panic attack coming on I raced outside and down the road to the local park. This park near my house has a great big creek running through it and lots of trees and birds. It is very relaxing. I soon started to feel more open and spacious and no longer felt trapped by the panic.

Getting outside in the open is surprisingly effective. Often when we are having a panic attack we are indoors and alone. Going outside might seem like the last thing you want to do but I am certain that it helps.

3. Take a shower
As I mentioned, sometimes during a panic attack you can feel dizzy, sick and very panicked. I found that taking a nice hot shower really helped to calm me down.

Now this tip is not going to be for everyone. Some people like showers, other people don’t. If you are feeling the symptoms of an attack it might be a good idea to strip off and jump in the shower. The hot water, the repetitiveness of the water drops and the steam are all really good ways to slow down. When I had my panic attacks I used to sometimes sit down in the shower for five minutes while my mind settled.

Showering is nice because it is something physical. You get the bodily sensations as well as the mind relaxing. This body/mind combination can be really powerful – especially if you combine it with some slow breathing.

4. Practice some breathing meditation
The last thing you will feel like doing during a panic attack is sitting down and having a formal meditation session. However, I found that a simple breathing meditation really helped to calm me down.

The first thing I would do is remind myself that this panic attack was a good opportunity to learn to master my mind. If I could meditate during a panic attack surely I would be able to deal with anger, pride, attachment, etc. during normal life. This put me in good stead as I saw the panic attack as an opportunity instead of a negative event.

This is Buddhist master Mingyur Rinpoche talking about his many battles with panic and how he dealt with the panic using meditation so I thought I would let him do the explaining. Check it out:

5. Call a friend
Sometimes the best thing during a panic attack is to hear somebody’s voice. They reassure you that everything is going to be okay and they remind you that there is some perspective. Calling a friend can be a wonderful help.

However, there is a downside to relying on a friend. If your panic attacks become re-occurring events it might become tempting to call that person every time. You might make the mistake of thinking that you cannot get through the ordeal without them. This is a very bad thing. You do not want to become dependent on anyone else for your own happiness. It is important that you become strong on the inside.

Relying on a friend is fine if you need that support. Do not feel guilty about calling a friend – they will not mind – that is what they are there for. But do be careful about developing any unhealthy habits. This won’t help anyone.

6. Realize that you are going to be okay
One of the most important things to do during a panic attack is realize that you are going to be okay. Panic attacks do not last forever. You are not going crazy. You will be alright in a few minutes.

Panic attacks are thought to be caused by the part of the brain that governs our fight or flight reaction. If it feels threatened it will pump chemicals into the body that cause you to panic so you will get out of the harmful situation. This is all well and good if there were a threatening situation but most of the time panic attacks seem to come out of the blue or after a not so threatening situation.

Seeing as the panic attack is caused by a chemical reaction it is going to take some time for your symptoms to ease. Your body has just been flooded with hormones and you will not feel better immediately – even if your mind has calmed down a bit. Give yourself time and remind yourself that it will all be over soon. This goes a long way to reducing the severity of the situation.

7. Listen to some slow, rhythmic music
Music is a very powerful tool. It has the ability to change our moods in an instant. I found music to be a particularly useful tool when I was trying to deal with a panic attack.

The best music to listen to during a panic attack is something that is graceful, slow, melodic and rhythmic. I really like to turn on some Vivaldi or Mozart and listen to the happy and joyful songs of the violin and piano. Hip hop and other tracks with a bouncy and catchy baseline can also be beneficial.

See what works for you. Spend a few weeks listening to some new music and see what calms you down. Play that music during the times that you are feeling happy and relaxed (like in the bath) and then when you have an attack you can turn the music on and go back to that place.

Can you help?

If anyone out there has experienced a panic attack and has some suggestions or hopeful stories I would love you to share them. Please leave a comment and tell us what you did and what did/didn’t help. Your comment might really help someone who is going through these dreadful experiences.

Originally posted on December 2, 2008 @ 3:29 pm

5 Supplements That May Help Your Anxiety

Mental Health, Mind, Mindfulness

One of the most common mood disorders worldwide that people deal with is anxiety. Anxiety can affect you, whether you’re a stay-at-home, busy young professional, or a senior living out their golden years. While it’s tempting to run straight to a psychiatrist and get prescribed pharmaceuticals that will instantly take your worries away, there are natural methods that could work just as well for you – not to mention are non-addictive. Self-help tips to beat anxiety abound online and from well-meaning loved ones worth heading. At the same time, if your anxiety is affecting you on a daily basis, it’s worth adding supplements that have been shown to reduce anxiety to help get you over the hump. Let’s look at these supplements and how they can help you.  [Read more…] about 5 Supplements That May Help Your Anxiety

Take 15 Minutes to Find Strength and Ground Yourself [VIDEO]

Learning, Meditation, Mind, Videos

It’s not easy to find strength in normal situations, more so during these tough times. It’s been two years since we got hit with COVID, and it may seem nothing’s getting better. This guided meditation takes only 15 minutes and will help you find the strength you need, as well as ground yourself to establish a stable foundation.

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