fear

How to Achieve Your Dreams Even Though You’re Scared

Have you ever wondered what “living your dreams” meant? Just close your eyes for a minute. Take a long, deep breath. Think: what life you really wish for yourself? What goals do you want to achieve? That’s the dream to follow.

What prevents you from achieving that dream? Fear.

Fear is defined as “an emotional response induced by a perceived threat.” When you’re thinking about following your dreams, there are few threats along the way:

You might lose your current comfort
You could lose a lot of money
You might lose the affection of few people along the journey
You might fail

The fear of messing up paralyzes you. It makes you ignore the thought “Hey, maybe I can make it!” Fear is practically robbing you of opportunities, and it’s time to stop that pattern once and for all.

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Originally posted on January 25, 2018 @ 7:00 am

15 Quotes About Rejection That Will Give You Strength

Inspiration, Personal Growth, Spirit

rejection

–the act of refusing to accept, use, or believe someone or something:
The government’s rejection of the plans is a setback for us.
–a letter, etc. that tells you that you have not been successful in getting a job, a place on a course of study, etc.:
I’ve applied for ten jobs, but I’ve had ten rejections/rejection letters.
–the act of not giving someone the love and attention they want and expect:
He never asked her to marry him out of fear of rejection.

No one is a stranger to rejection, and no one is immune to it either. Even if you may not admit it publicly, rejection probably makes it to your list of top 10 fears.

But that’s normal.

What’s there to like about feeling unloved, unworthy, and disliked – all of which are results of rejection? [Read more…] about 15 Quotes About Rejection That Will Give You Strength

Originally posted on July 19, 2016 @ 8:00 am

3 Things People Fear Most

Personal Growth, Spirit

Let’s face it – almost everyone has fears they wish they could conquer. Even the most successful people harbor some form of concern or anxiety even if they won’t admit it to themselves or to others. But facing your own fears could be one of the best and bravest things you can do for yourself. How else to find ways to overcome them if you won’t even admit they exist.

Grownups in particular are loathe to acknowledge their fears for fear of (no pun intended) being seen as weak. Here are three things people fear that are universal to all adults. Don’t be scared to see yourself having them, too. Now you know you’re not alone and hopefully, you can do something about them.

No. 1: Fear of getting old

Whether we like it or not, women are more afraid of getting old than men. If you’re female and looking at yourself in the mirror, you may wonder how you’ll look 10 or 20 years later. Will you be wrinkled and have graying hair? The natural course of time guarantees it but living a healthy lifestyle – eating well, being physically active and having a positive outlook – will keep you in great shape even at an old age. Add to that the wisdom gained from experiences and growing older doesn’t seem like such a bad thing anymore.

For some, plastic surgery is an option to stopping the years from showing. It’s a personal choice but looking too young for one’s age may also appear unnatural.

No 2: Fear of being lonely

Feeling lonely is different from being alone. It is also one of the common things people fear. Some people are alone by choice but most would rather have a partner to share their lives with. Man by nature is a social being; hence the need for company. But being lonely by force is not anymore an excuse not to meet people online. The internet has made a lot of things possible that were not heard of before.

These days, a lot of singles are online day and night. They are people like you also looking for someone to meet and talk to. It’s so simple. Look for the top dating site where lots of singles converge and find someone there.

No 3: Fear of change

When people reach a certain age, say 30, they may prefer constancy rather than venture into the unknown. Stability is a comfortable position to be in. It can also be very boring. But life can play tricks on us and things may happen that put you in a situation where you have to make a choice between dull predictability and excitement. Don’t be afraid to go for unexplored territory. Don’t spend the rest of your life telling yourself “what if…” Who knows what awaits you there. Take that leap of faith.

Here’s hoping you’ve been shaken out of your dreary comfort zone and are willing to try something new. Life is too short not to take a chance.

Originally posted on December 21, 2015 @ 2:59 am

Why Are Relationships So Hard?

Life, Relationships

Relationships are hard work, but I believe the short answer is: Because both people have to be willing to do the work it takes to heal themselves through loving the other the way they need to be loved.

Originally posted on April 15, 2014 @ 9:00 am

How to Let Go of the Past and Not Fear Your Future

Inspiration, Mind, Mindfulness, Spirit

“Stop acting as if life is a rehearsal. Live this day as if it were your last. The past is over and gone. The future is not guaranteed.” – Wayne dyer.

The other night I was sitting down with my brother watching a late night soccer match when we started talking about the “good ole days” and all of our plans for the future. After a while we paused and then started laughing because it seemed as though I was trapped in the past and he was fearful of the future. The whole conversation I had been talking about how things used to be and he spent the whole time talking about how hard things are going to be. It was a bit of an “Ah huh!” moment as we both realized that grasping on to the past/future was keeping us from being happy.

In this post I want to talk about how to let go of your past and not fear your future. It is one of the most important things you will ever attempt to do – living in the present is the only way to be happy.

NOTE – I have divided this article into two posts as they were quite long. Today’s post will be on letting go of the past and tomorrow’s post will be on learning how to not fear your future. Make sure you subscribe to the feed if you don’t want to miss out.

As always, if you have something to add or a comment that you think might help someone out there please leave a comment and let us know. All comments are greatly appreciated.

How to let go of your past

For some people, the past is like a ball and chain. It follows you wherever you go and it stops you from achieving your goals in life. It is restricting, heavy and extremely burdensome. A lot of people never break free. If you feel a little bit like that then please read through these suggestions and take them to heart. If you can break free from your past you might find your present and future moments are looking a lot brighter.

1. Realize that it cannot be changed
The most sobering thing about the past is that it cannot be changed. Things have already happened. And seeing as there is no way to travel back in time, there is no way to change the past. Learn to accept it.

I once read about a man who sped through a traffic light because he was late to work and ran over a mother and bay. Both mother and child were killed but the driver survived unharmed. This man became an alcoholic and a drug user and his life started spiraling out of control as his guilt was so painful. It took him almost 30 years but one day he realized that what was done was done and there was no way to change it. By destroying his life as well he was effectively ruining three lives.

If you live in the past and are having trouble letting go you need to realize that it cannot be changed. You can never go back to those times and you will never erase what happened. By living in this past moment you are preventing yourself from actually fixing what you did wrong.

2. Don’t make “mind stories”
Sometimes when I cast my mind back to my days in high school or my first trip to India I get a swell of emotion and then start to create “mind stories”. These stories can go on all day and basically consist of my going over all my good memories and then getting upset when I realize that times have changed. Don’t do this.

We all make “mind stories” to some extent. My mother is the opposite of me and she spends all day going over all the bad things that could happen or all the negative events that occurred in the past. The mental chatter is poisonous. As soon as you start, it is almost impossible to stop. One thought leads to another and before long you realize that you have a whole day of your life in the past.

3. Think about impermanence
It wouldn’t be a post by The Daily Minder without mentioning impermanence. I can hear of you all groaning now – “here he goes… rambling on about impermanence again!” It is an important truth to realize, however, and it is particularly useful when dealing with an inability to let go of the past.

First of all, we need to realize that we don’t have a lot of time on this Earth. Death can come at any moment. You could eat a poisonous dinner, choke on a carrot or get hit by a car. You could get cancer tomorrow. Imagine if a wise old meditation master came to you and said you only had two weeks left to life. Would you regret spending so much time thinking about the past? Would you consider that you wasted your time here on Earth? I know I would.

The next time you start worrying about the past I want you to remember impermanence. Say to yourself, “I don’t have time for this” and just drop it. Over time you will train your mind to ignore those thoughts and as the days and weeks go by the attachment to the past will fade away.

4. Meditate on compassion
A few years ago I was in North India listening to a talk by an old Tibetan Lama who had grown up in Tibet and fled to India in the 60’s. At the end of the talk the Lama answered a few questions from the audience. One of the questions said:

“Tibet was one of the most beautiful countries where people had freedom to practice meditation and live in peace. Do you miss those days?”

The Lama, without even pausing for a moment, just shook his head and said “No”. Then he followed up by saying, “thinking about times gone by is useless. It doesn’t help yourself and it doesn’t help other people”. I was impressed. What he said left an indelible mark on my mind – dwelling on the past is a fruitless pursuit and it helps no one.

If you are stuck in the past you need to realize that those thoughts and habits are helping no one. It is an extremely uncompassionate way to live your life and it will get you no where.

5. Understand we can’t control everything
I am a firm believer that we control our destiny. I do not think God or anyone else plans things out for us, I think we are the ones who forge our future and I think we are the ones responsible for our actions. Sometimes, however, we have to realize that we cannot control everything that goes on.

I once heard a mate of mine say that people who dwell on the past are just trying to control everything. I think he was right. Sometimes I feel like my sense of independence means that I blame myself too heavily when things go wrong. And that means I am often dwelling on my mistakes.

If you spend a lot of time cursing yourself for things you have done in the past I ask you to go easy on yourself and to stop trying to be so controlling. You cannot control everything. You cannot control everyone. And although you are the one in charge of your destiny there are times when you will be utterly unable to change a set of circumstances. So let it go. You will be glad you did.

Conclusion

Letting go of the past is like lifting a weight off your shoulders. It allows you to move on and make a new life and it stops you from staying stagnant. Like any habit, however, it will be hard to accomplish and it will take a lot of practice. But it is possible to let go of the past and live completely for the present.

The next post will be on how to not fear your future. Make sure you are subscribed so you don’t miss out.

Originally posted on March 17, 2009 @ 6:54 am

The Scariest Place on Earth: How to Conquer Your Fears & Develop Bravery

Inspiration, Mental Health, Mind, Personal Growth, Spirit

photo credit: ? Mathias Pastwa ?

“Bravery is not the absence of fear, but the mastery of it.”

– John Berridge

Throughout my teen years and early adulthood I was constantly afflicted by fear. I was afraid of midnight robbers, contracting exotic illnesses and losing my loved ones. I was afraid of change. Deathly afraid of change. But thanks to some “events” that took place at the most dangerous place on Earth I am now living my life with more bravery.

Today I’ll share these events in the hope that they might help you conquer your fears and develop some real world bravery.

Why I used to be afraid: the effects of my father

When I look back to my childhood, high school days and early adulthood I see that I wasted a lot of time being afraid. The fear was complex and multi-layered – diseases, death, punishment, lost family members, change, war, etc. I was afraid of a lot of stuff!

If I think about it with my “adult hat” on I reckon it probably had a lot to do with my father. He was a bit of drinker and while he was a good man (for the most part) he did do a lot of things that made my siblings and I fearful people. Things around our house were never stable or secure. We were always worried about what state he would come home from work in, and how he would react to our behaviors. It was touch and go for a long time.

When you are afraid of your father you generally grow up to be afraid of lots of things in life. You have trust issues. You are afraid of committing to people because you are afraid they will wrong you. You are afraid of chasing your dreams because it might not work out. And you are afraid of ending up like him.

A quick look at any psychology textbook will show you that a huge majority of our neurosis’ come from our parents and the way they taught us to cope with things and the way they brought us up. But do you know what the biggest way they influenced us was? It was the way they themselves behaved and lived. Their example. A child’s impressionable little mind picks up everything. Every fight with mom, every bad day at work and every bad vibe. Everything. And these impressions stay with us for the rest of our lives or at least until we are mature enough to start changing them.

A lot of my fear came from my father because he lived his life in fear while I was growing up. I can’t remember a single example where my dad taught me about bravery through his actions. I think thats why I was afraid for a long time. It was all I knew how to do.

What are you afraid of?

Do you have a lot of fear in your life? Are you not as brave as you should be? Some common fears include:

Fear of flying
Fear of commitment
Fear of disease and death
Fear of war
Fear of failure
Fear of success (yes, success)
Etc.

The lessons I learned at the scariest place on Earth have helped me with all of these fears. I now have a set of tools I can use whenever fear rears its ugly head.

Conquering fear at the scariest place on Earth

Picture this. You are in place that has the highest crime rate in the world outside of Iraq. A place where you can’t go out after dark because bandits will rob, rape or kidnap you. A place where 55% of the Government officials are convicted murderers, rapists or fraudsters. Picture yourself as a young white boy with curly blond hair. Picture yourself stranded there at 3am while hundreds of onlookers peer out from behind their scarf-wrapped faces wondering what the hell you are doing there.

Originally posted on October 8, 2008 @ 5:04 am