Spirit – Page 37

Love Loss: Why We Have Forgotten About Love and Why We Desperately Need it Back

“This is my simple religion. There is no need for temples; no need for complicated philosophy. Our own brain, our own heart is our temple; the philosophy is kindness.” – His Holiness the Dalai Lama.

As soon as I wrote the word “love” in the title of this post I had a vision of 80% of my readers rolling their eyes and thinking, “great… here comes another post about love“. For some reason love is not a very cool thing these days. But I don’t care. I’m not all that cool anyway. In this post I want to talk about how we have lost touch with the art of love and why we desperately need to get it back.

Love is not romance or sex

Before I get in to the juice of this post I need to define some terms. Love is not romance. It is not sex. Actually, I should say that it is not just sex. It is so much more than that. This is one of the reasons that we have lost touch with love because we really have no idea what it is. If you walked up to 100 people on the street and asked what love is I think most of them would talk about being “in love”. That is nice. It is romantic. But, honestly, it is selling love short. Because love is so much more than that.

Let’s take a look at few more encompassing ideas about what love really is:

The Buddhist version of love
In Buddhism love is not romantic at all. It is not about starry nights and sunsets on the beach. Nope. It really isn’t. In Buddhism love is defined as “the wish for all beings to be happy“. It is the other side of compassion which is defined as “the wish for all beings to be free from suffering”. It is the very heart and soul of Buddhism because without love for other beings you have no chance of progressing along the path to enlightenment.

The Buddhist idea of love is an excellent one because it is both personal and impartial. What it teaches you to do is take the feelings you have for your friends and family and expand them out to all sentient beings. Your love is no longer reserved just for your wife and kids; you give it to everyone. Why? Because other people are someone’s daughter or son or brother or sister too. And because you know what it feels like to love your own son or daughter you know that it must be important to others as well. Buddhist love is wanting others to be happy.

The Ancient Greek version of love
One thing that is really limited about the word “love” is that it is only one word. We have one four letter word to describe tens of different emotions and feelings. The Ancient Greeks were on to this and as such they had several different words for love so as to not dilute the meanings.

Philia is a term developed by Aristotle and is a love towards friends and family, co workers and other members of the community. This type of love is about a mutual dependence – we love each other because it benefits us both. Storge is the natural affection that a mother feels for her baby. Eros is the word used for romantic love and xenia is the greek idea of love between a host and his guest where the guest repays the host’s kindness with nothing but gratitude.

The theistic version of love
Christians, Muslims, Jews and Hindus also have the type of love that is between a person and God. This type of love is not romantic but is more about respect, gratitude and even fear.

Christians love God because they are grateful for the life he is given at the same time as being fearful of his wrath. The same is true in Islam where the words rafah and rahmah relate to God’s compassion and mercy respectively. As you can see the theistic idea of love is different to general ideas about love.

Love is many things
The point of looking at all of this is to show you that love is far more than just the romantic versions that we see on TV. It is about brotherhood, community, friendship, altruism, happiness and so on. When we look at love in these broader terms it is easy to see how it can be so important for the world today. And that is why we need to remember how to do it.

Originally posted on September 30, 2008 @ 6:48 am

What Samurai Philosophy Can Teach You About Modern Life Part 1

Inspiration, Mind, Mindfulness, Personal Growth, Spirit

“There is something to be learned from a rainstorm. When meeting with a sudden shower, you try not to get wet and run quickly along the road. But doing such things as passing under the eaves of houses, you still get wet. When you are resolved from the beginning, you will not be perplexed, though you still get the same soaking.” – from the Hagakure, a famous Samurai manual.

I love Samurai. Ever since I was little I have been fascinated with their way of life and how they mixed the Zen Buddhist teachings with the ice-cold warrior mentality. Let’s face it – Samurai are extremely cool! In this series I want to introduce you to a few of the core Samurai principles and how you can apply them to your modern way of life.

Discipline is essential in all situations

[bctt tweet=”If you walk, just walk. If you sit, just sit. But whatever you do, don’t wobble. – Master Ummon” username=”thedailyminder”]

A Samurai will always act with poise and discipline. It would be a rare event to see a Samurai lose his cool and lash out with emotion and passion. Regardless of whether he was under enemy attack, training with his partner or spending time with his master the warrior would always be disciplined.

Nothing has changed since the time of the Samurai – discipline is still essential. Whether you are looking to climb the corporate ladder, improve your family life or develop more wisdom it is essential that you have discipline. When you lose that you lose your focus.

Always carry a backup weapon

[bctt tweet=”You win battles by knowing the enemy’s timing, and using a timing which the enemy does not expect. – Miyamoto Musashi” username=”thedailyminder”]

The Samurai’s main weapon was the Katana (long sword). This weapon was so important to the Samurai that they would often give it a name and talk to it like a living creature. The Katana was known as the soul of the Samurai. However, when the had to check their Katana at the door they carried their smaller Wakizashi by their side. This smaller blade never left the Samurai’s grip, not even when he slept. Sometimes when the warrior lost his primary weapon in a fight he would call upon his Wakizashi to finish the job. As such he was never without a weapon.

This is an extremely important lesson for modern life. I am not saying that everyone should carry around two whopping great big swords in their daily activities. That would be madness! What I am saying is that it is important to have a backup plan for that rainy day that is sure to happen. Diversifying your investments is a good idea in case your main revenue stream dries up. Make sure you are never left without a weapon.

Honor is of utmost importance

[bctt tweet=”One should not be envious of someone who has prospered by unjust deeds. Nor should he disdain someone who has fallen while adhering to the path of righteousness. – Imagawa Sadayo” username=”thedailyminder”]

For a Samurai there is nothing more important than honor. They lived their lives in a very honorable way. Many scholars will argue, however, that the Samurai’s honor was somewhat perverted and often mistaken for an inflated sense of ego. For the most part though these warriors were a very honorable bunch.

This is very important in today’s modern world. So many people are trying to lie, steal and cheat. A Samurai would never do this for fear of losing their honor and shaming their family and master. I think this is an important personality trait that we need to see more of in business, commerce and 21st century life. We need more people who see honor and ethics as being more important than money and status.

Study and training are a lifetime commitment

[bctt tweet=”Study strategy over the years and achieve the spirit of the warrior. Today is victory over yourself of yesterday; tomorrow is your victory over lesser men. – Miyamoto Musashi” username=”thedailyminder”]

The Samurai were always studying, practicing and training. He would never let a day pass without spending several hours practicing his martial arts, studying the Sutras of Zen Buddhism and doing a zazen meditation. The Samurai understood that in order to be perfect (and they were perfectionists!) one needed to devote constant attention to studying and training in one’s art without ever giving up or losing enthusiasm.

This devotion to study and practice is something that is lacking in many people’s lives. We really want to achieve certain goals but we really don’t want to put in the study and effort that is going to get us there. Furthermore, once we attain certain goals (like a good job) we stop studying and just meander in our comfortable equanimity. The Samurai way is to keep studying and keep practicing and keep getting better. I would like to be like that.

Catch Part Two in our Samurai Lessons series.

photo thanks to: samurai gallery

Originally posted on September 22, 2008 @ 2:30 pm

Why (Almost) Every House Should Have a Pet

Home, Inspiration, Life

Last week the Daily Minder house got a tiny new addition (pictured above). His name is Cino (pron. Chino) and he is an eight week old Ragdoll kitten with bright blue eyes.

Having him run around my feet while I cook dinner and attack my fingers while I clack away at the keyboard has been a true joy and it got me thinking about the value of having pets in your life.

In this post I want to tell you why I think almost every household should have some kind of pet.

The value of growing up with pets

I have always had pets in my life. Growing up I had an Old English Sheep Dog called Ralph that used to let me ride on his back. I had a fat old cat called Smudge that couldn’t stand to be away from human contact. I had a bunch of fish, a turtle and even some frogs! Now I have a two year old Beagle that has taken me close to the edge of insanity and the brand new Cino who I am just getting to know.

So what is the value of having these little creatures in your life? Do they do anything but add to your grocery bills, tear up your furniture and leave hair all over your carpets?

They sure do.

Company
A pet is a great source of company. If you spend a lot of time by yourself a pet can be a wonderful addition to your home. Most pets will love you unconditionally and it is a great feeling knowing that there is something in your house you can spend time with if you need to.

Compassion
One of the best reasons to have pets in your house is because they teach you compassion. If I ever have children I will always make sure they grow up around animals because they are a fantastic way to help them understand that other beings have feelings that need to be considered and respected.

Responsibility
When you have a pet you can’t just head off for the night or go on a weekend getaway. They need to be fed, given fresh water and so on. Having a pet in your life will teach you responsibility better than almost anything else because it is more than a normal responsibility – it is a living creature.

Laughter
I have done more laughing in this past week than I have done in the whole of last year. The kitten is hilarious – jumping around, climbing on things, sleeping on his head, etc. Laugher is something that shouldn’t be missing from anyone’s life and a loving pet is one of the best ways to get it.

So who shouldn’t have a pet?

In the title of this post I said that ALMOST everyone should have a pet. So who are the people that shouldn’t have a pet? Well, they are the people who aren’t in it for the long term or who are constantly lazy when it comes to others needs. Don’t buy a pet on a whim or as a present for someone. It is the same as buying a house or an investment – you need to carefully consider how you are going to pay for and look after that purchase.

Any of our readers have a pet? Is this a cat or a dog readership?

Originally posted on September 18, 2008 @ 8:51 am

The Power of Love: Proof That Animals Have Emotions

Inspiration, Spirit

Every now and then you see a bit of footage that hits you in a place you forgot you had inside you. The video I am about to show you is one of them.

Today my brother showed me a short clip that really touched me. In fact, it was difficult to hold back the water-works while I watched it. I don’t want to give away too much of the plot of the video but, to me, is proof that it isn’t just humans that feel emotions.

If you are in need of a cheer up or you are an animal lover or still think that animals don’t “feel” anything then you should spend two minutes watching this beautiful video. I challenge you to watch it and not feel zapped by the power and strength of friendship and love.

What do you think?

Originally posted on September 8, 2008 @ 7:27 am

What Heath Ledger’s ‘Joker’ Taught Me About Myself

Personal Growth, Spirit

Heath Ledger as the Joker

“You just couldn’t let me go could you? This is what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object. You truly are incorruptible aren’t you? You won’t kill me out of some misplaced sense of self-righteousness, and I won’t kill you, because you’re just too much fun. I think you and I are destined to do this forever.” – the Joker.

I saw The Dark Knight a few weeks ago and fell in love with Heath Ledger’s version of The Joker. He was dark but funny, psychotic yet calculated, perverted yet… perverted. Watching him wreak havoc on the streets of Gothom City was confronting because, in many ways, he reminded me of myself. I’m sure a lot of people felt the same.

Why the Joker reminded me of myself

Let me get this clear. The Joker didn’t remind me of myself because I take pleasure in killing people. I don’t. In fact, my friends will tell you that I am not even that fantastic watching overly violent movies. So it wasn’t the murderer part of him that did it. What about the guy who likes to cause chaos for no reason other than that he likes to see people suffer? Nope. Not that either.

So why did the Joker remind me of myself? When I was sitting in the cinema watching the Joker licking his lips and blowing up the District Attorney I couldn’t help but feel some connection. But why? Maybe it has something to do with this quote:

“Don’t talk like one of them, you’re not! Even if you’d like to be. To them, you’re just a freak–like me. They need you right now. When they don’t…they’ll cast you out. Like a leper. See, their morals, their code: it’s a bad joke. They’re dropped at the first sign of trouble. They’re only as good as the world allows them to be. You’ll see, when the chips are down these civilized people will eat each other.”

And I think that’s where the connection came from. I felt a little bit guilty. This crazy madman was speaking words that made sense to me. And the fact that Heath Ledger delivered them in the most amazing piece of “acting” I have seen in a long time made it all the more powerful.

You see, I am a little bit like one of those people he is talking about. It is quite easy to be a nice and kind and compassionate person when it is sunny and warm outside. But when things start to look grey and aren’t going my way I seem to lose that sense of morality. I snap. I am impatient. I am selfish. And that was the Joker’s main ambition in life – to prove that when there is chaos people will “eat each other”.

But what about Batman?

Batman, on the other hand, was the exact opposite. He believed in the good in people. He thought that, when under pressure, people would choose to do the right thing. Whatever you want to call it – divinity, buddha nature, inherent purity, etc. – Batman believed in it and he wanted to embody it. He wanted to be a physical manifestation of that inner goodness to show people that they could do the same.

And that is what I believe. Deep down I know that the basic nature of a human being is goodness. It is not evil.

But that is not what freaked me out about the Joker. As far as I can tell the Joker never said that the basic nature of humans was evil. No. What he said was that when the chips are down they would “eat each other”. And that concerns me.

I often wonder whether I would choose to do the right thing if the chips were down. Would I put other people before myself in a crisis or would I just work to save my own skin? I’d like to think that I would be a “Batman”. But as I sat in that cinema and watched Heath Ledger taunt Batman with these questions a little bit of fear crept in to my mind. I was afraid he was right.

So… the chips are down… are you Batman or are you the Joker?

Batman and Joker

Originally posted on September 2, 2008 @ 6:04 am

5 Small (But Big) Ways to Beat Depression Every Time

Healing, Mental Health, Mind, Spirit

“If you don’t think your anxiety, depression, sadness and stress impact your physical health, think again. All of these emotions trigger chemical reactions in your body, which can lead to inflammation and a weakened immune system. Learn how to cope, sweet friend. There will always be dark days.”

Kris Carr – New York Times and #1 Amazon best-selling author, wellness activist and cancer survivor.

photo credit: JSmith Photo

Depression is pretty horrible. I went through a period of bad depression a few years ago. Getting out of bed was hard. Going to work was hard. Smiling was hard. But, I got myself sorted and life seems a whole lot better now.

However, depressed thoughts still come and go. Sometimes during the course of my day I will just start to feel crap for no particular reason. And because I decided a long time ago that these depressed thoughts weren’t going to weigh me down anymore I adopted quite a few strategies to deal with them. This post is designed to give you a few small (but big) ways to beat depression every time.

Realize that depression is transient

Ways to Beat Depression — Depression is transient, don’t forget that

One of the best things I ever did was to firmly resolve in my mind that depression, like everything else, is a transient phenomena. Like a rainbow, a puddle, a bubble or a cloud in the sky – depression does not last. It never does and it never will.

Even the unfortunate souls with the most severe cases of depression are happy sometimes. There are a few moments in the day when their depression fades and another emotion sweeps over them. They might be watching a comedy show and a joke snaps through their depression and gives way to laughter. They might be out for a walk and see some animals playing and experience joy. Or they might see the new political candidates speeches on Youtube and experience patriotism. However bad your depression is I guarantee that you are not depressed 100% of the time.

Reminding yourself that depression doesn’t last actually makes your stages of depression seem a lot less potent. I noticed this for myself – I went from having actual panic attacks complete with elevated heart rates and vomiting to just a few “down” moments. I used to be afraid of depression when it came – now I know it doesn’t last.

Be careful with the label “I have depression”

I have to be really careful here as I know a lot of people will kick up a fuss about this comment. Let me be clear, depression is an illness. In the words of Will Ferral, “…it has real doctors and everything!” But I sometimes wonder whether telling yourself “I have depression” really makes things better. From my own experience I can tell you that it actually made me feel a whole heap worse.

Why?

Because the diagnosis “you have depression” is very solid. It is very fixed. It seems unchangeable. But like I noted in the first point, depression is actually very transient. It is impermanent. It doesn’t last. But when you are told you have depression you run the risk of labeling yourself as a depressed person. And that is very solid.

Of course, diagnosing people with depression and depression related disorders is very important. It is vital to the health and recovery of that person. Without that diagnosis the person might not get the drugs or the counseling that they need. It is not the diagnosis, as such, that I have an issue with. My issue is with labeling yourself as a depressed person.

The title of this strategy is be careful with the label “I have depression” and that is all I want you to do. Be careful. Do not continually remind yourself of your diagnosis. You do not want to repeatedly tell yourself that you are depressed. In the same way that repeatedly telling yourself that you are fat leads to more problems, repeatedly telling yourself that you are depressed will make you even worse.

This is about avoiding extremes and using your mind to reinforce positive tendencies, not negative ones. It is not about pretending you don’t have an illness. You very well might have one. What I am asking is that you don’t let yourself get bogged down in your ideas and notions about that illness.

Learn the value of human contact

photo credit: Fabiana Zonca

When I was going through a particularly bad rough patch after a tough break up one of my dearest friends came over to my house… every day. For almost the whole summer this friend rang me up in the morning to meet for breakfast, called me at lunch time asking where we were going to eat and in the evenings took me to the gym or martial arts center. For six weeks this friend of mine got me out of the house, off the couch and out with people.

And it was one of the best things that could have happened to me.

What my friend did was truly amazing. I don’t have many friends who would have gone to such consistent lengths to take care of me. And two things about this time stood out to me:

Knowing people love you makes a difference
Being around other people helps

The two lessons here are about helping people with depression and helping yourself when you have depression. If you are depressed you need to get out and be around people. It doesn’t matter how you do it, science has shown that having human contact helps depression.

The second thing is that if you know someone who is feeling down you should go and help them. Get them out of the house, take them out for a walk and get them out with people. This will not only help their situation, it will also help your depression.

Eat and drink healthy

photo credit: avlxyz

Something that seems small but actually had a massive impact on my levels of depression is how I ate. By learning what foods make you depressed and avoiding them you can seriously change the way you feel.

I have written about this many times but it is something so important that I want to stress it again. Bad foods make you feel bad. Good foods make you feel good. Just like the saying goes, “you are what you eat“. If you want to feel better mentally start eating cleaner foods.

So what are we talking about here? What foods make us feel bad? The big ones for me are coffee and fatty foods. Coffee makes my mind run at a million miles and hour and I have trouble settling down. This is bad for people who are really anxious. And fatty foods that are really heavy cause your mind to be sluggish and sad.

Try to eat all natural foods like fruit and vegetables. Get lots of chili and ginger and other natural medicines. Eating a natural diet full of really fresh and tasty foods will absolutely change your life.

Get out in the sun and run

Scientists and doctors are now spouting the benefits of two things for depression: sunlight and exercise. Mix the two together and you have got a recipe for a better mental state.

Forget the gym with its stale air, televisions and plastic people – get outside in the sunlight and start running. Take your dog or your buddy and hit the dirt while the sun is shining on your skin and face. Go somewhere where the air is fresh and the view is inspiring. If you have a local park or forest then head out there. Spend as little as 15 minutes a day doing this and your depression will seem like a thing of the past.

Some of the happiest moments in my life have been when I was out alone in the woods running in the sun. Just me and the trees and the birds chirping away. I am particularly fond of jogging where there is running water – the sound is so soothing and magical.

If you aren’t a big runner it doesn’t matter. Walk. Or, join a football or soccer team. Play tennis on the weekends. There are so many amazing things to be doing out in the sunshine and all of them will have a positive and immediate effect on your depression.

Conclusion

Depression is not a fixed state. There are things you can be doing all the time to beat it. Don’t sit by passively and be a victim, start doing things that will really get you happy. Nine times out of ten your mild depression can be alleviated with some change in your behavior or lifestyle.

What has helped you? Leave a comment – it might really help someone!

Originally posted on August 26, 2008 @ 3:25 am