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How You Can Defeat Cynicism and Become a Positive Thinker

Inspiration, Mind, Mindfulness, Spirit


Creative Commons License photo credit: juicyrai

Do you assume the best or the worst? Are you filled with hope or are you filled with doubt? Do you think kindly of the people around you or do you judge their motivations? At times it seems as if the whole world is absorbed in negative cynicism. In this post I want to show you how you can defeat cynicism and become a positive thinker. It really isn’t that hard.

What is cynicism?

Before you can deal with anything in life you need to know a little bit about it. For example, if you want to know how to lose weight you need to learn what fat is, how you come to gain it and then methods for getting rid of it. The same is true of negative emotions and mental states. You need to learn what it is, where it comes from and then take the necessary steps to defeat it.

The Oxford English Dictionary defines cynicism in a very enlightening way:

“…a disposition to disbelieve in the sincerity or goodness of human motives and actions…”

The main thing to notice about the definition is the presence of negativity. A cynical person will almost always choose to doubt, disbelieve or discredit, even when there is no logical reason to do so.

So why do people think and behave like this? There are many schools of thought on the matter – some regard cynicism as a personal defense mechanism whereby people prevent themselves from opening up to love and friendship for fear of being hurt. Others say it comes about due to a traumatic event that occurred in childhood and caused a person to “close up”.

To be honest, it doesn’t really matter what the “experts” say about the cause. The real task is to look inside yourself and find out why you are a cynic. Why do you think it came about? When did cynicism become a personal trait of yours? Why do you continue to think in a cynical way? You could study 1000 texts on cynicism for 1000 years but a single moment of genuine introspection will teach you so much more. Look into your own mind and find out why you are a cynic.

And don’t be afraid to be honest. Even if it hurts.

How to defeat cynicism and become a positive thinker


Creative Commons License photo credit: larryvincent

Let’s jump into the bulk of the article. Here are some super simple things you can do to get yourself on the path of positive thinking and away from those habits of cynicism. If you have anything else to add please do leave a comment as I would love to hear some of your suggestions.

1. Recognize the problem
As with all problems the first step is in the recognizing. Some people go their whole lives not realizing that they are horrible people with miserly outlooks and cynical views of the world. Thank yourself lucky that you have had the good fortune to recognize the problem and do something about it. This is the first step.

It might take a while for you to recognize that you are a negative thinker. It might even take one of your friends or family members to wake you up to it. That’s fine. When you finally see it just sit back and think to yourself, “Wow. I can be cynical sometimes.” That is all you have to do for now.

2. Recognize each cynical thought
Once you have realized that you can be a cynic the task is to start realizing it more often. Think of this as a bit of a mindfulness meditation. The idea is to become attuned to your own mind and thoughts and start to become aware of every cynical thought that you have.

Let’s say, for example, you meet someone at a party and they start telling you about their life. Perhaps they are a real overachiever and are sitting there talking to you about all of their fantastic accomplishments. Now, the cynic in you will probably start to say internal things like “I don’t believe this guy” and “I wish he would shut up”. Try to become aware of those thoughts. Don’t do anything with them just yet. Merely becoming aware of them is enough. This is mindfulness.

3. Use logic to debate the cynicism
Logic is a wonderful thing. Logic allows you to overcome destructive emotions and other negative things in your life. Why? Because 99% of the time the reason for your depression, anxiety, hatred or other negative feeling is illogical. If you debate the negative feeling using logic you will often find that the negative feeling gets weaker.

Cynicism, in my opinion, is usually illogical. People who are cynics seem to think the worst about a certain person or situation not because they have evidence for doing so, but because they are in the habit of thinking cynically. For example, assuming that all Muslims are extremist terrorists is a cynical thought that is not based in any shred of logic. Just because a couple of unstable idiots blew up the World Trade Center in the name of Jihad, it does not mean all Muslims are like that.

So the task is now to use logic to debate your cynicism. When you see a cynical thought arising in your mind I want to to ask yourself where it is coming from, why you are thinking like that and whether it is going to help you be happy. That is the main thing – ask yourself whether this cynical thought is going to make you happy. Ask yourself whether living a cynical life has made you happy so far. Ask yourself whether being cynic causes other people to like and respect you.

When you use logic in this way you will almost always find that cynicism doesn’t pay. It isn’t helping you or anyone else to by cynical. Try it and see how you go. [Read more…] about How You Can Defeat Cynicism and Become a Positive Thinker

Originally posted on January 10, 2009 @ 2:57 am

Self-Affirmations: How to Get Your Kids on Board

Family, Life, Mind

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if your kids can start the practice of positive self-affirmation? 

Children these days are pretty smart and are taught to think more critically – to question everything. So while we know that positive affirmations really work, it might take a little more than the “because I say so” tack to get them to try embracing the practice of self-affirmation. 

So how can you get your kids on board?

Practice positive self-affirmations regularly

Woman in front of a mirror, smiling at herself.
Positive self-talk leads to a happier life.

Living by example is always the way to go if you want your kids to learn anything. If you want your kids to even consider trying positive self-affirmations, let alone believe that it works, you need to do it first so that they can see the result for themselves. You don’t need to talk loudly to yourself and utter your affirmations every time they walk by, which would only serve to annoy anyone, but manifesting being a good guide to your kids through self-affirmation will lead you to success in this area as well.

Once you are confident that self-affirmations work because you have your own experience to prove it, you can take the next step by introducing the concept to your kids.

Open the floor for conversation

Instead of just telling your kids that you think that positive affirmations will help them and that you are commanding them to practice self-affirmation daily henceforth, present the idea to them and be ready to have a conversation about it. 

Presenting the idea to kids can take many forms, depending on the age of your kids, their interests, your family lifestyle, and dynamics.

Mother and daughter lying face down on a bed, facing each other. The mother seems to be speaking while the daughter is smiling and listening.
Talk to your child and listen to them in turn.

Some things you can do include:

  • snuggling up with your child and showing them a short self-affirmation video that is age appropriate or addresses an issue they are experiencing right now, 
  • sitting them down and bringing up the topic to them outright, explaining what it is and then ASKING if they’d be willing to try it,
  • talking about self-affirmation and how it has helped you or how you have seen it help others over dinner without asking them to join you in practice, and
  • waiting for a time when they open up to you about an issue they are having and offering up self-affirmation as a tool that can help them in the long run.

Be very careful with the last one though, because really listening to your child when they need you is more important than using it as an opportunity to get them to do self-affirmation. Wait until they are done unburdening themselves and ONLY if they ask you for help or advice and self-affirmation is truly relevant to the situation. 

Whatever tack you take, always remember that it needs to be a CONVERSATION, which means that it is a two-way street. Invite them to ask questions or air their concerns. Listen to them. Validate their feelings about affirmations, whether positive or negative. Be ready to answer their questions honestly. And most important, accept whatever their decision is at the moment. If they are not ready to take on the practice of positive self-affirmations, do not push them. Instead, be the one to AFFIRM THEM. Your affirmation as a parent is just as important in their journey.

Show them the science.

One question your kids may ask is how you know positive self-affirmation works. And while being able to share your experience and how it has helped you is important, telling the kids that it is backed by science can seal the deal. 

Did you know that there are many scientific studies backing the effectiveness of positive affirmations in improving various aspects of our lives, such as relationships, health, and education? 

In fact, a study by Cohen and Sherman not only supports the efficacy of self-affirmations, but also reveals that the benefits can last for months and even years. Even more cool perhaps, is that neuroscientists have even mapped out key pathways in our neural processes that are associated with successful self-affirmation.

Your kids may love you, but just like they would trust their teacher over their parent when it comes to solving math problems, they know that scientists are the authority when it comes to facts. You don’t need to read scientific journals and articles to your kids, but just telling them that positive self-affirmations are backed by science, and you knowing where to point if they ask for proof, is more than enough. 

If your kids are older, it would be better if you encourage them to do their own research. This will not only solidify their belief that self-affirmation truly does work but will also teach them valuable research skills and show them that you trust them to figure things out by themselves.

Help them get started

If your child seems open to the idea of practicing positive self-affirmations, then equip them to help ensure that they stick to the practice. You can start by looking up positive affirmation videos that are appropriate for your child’s needs. You can find everything from this 1-minute morning affirmation that is suitable for younger kids to affirmations for success in exams geared towards students. If you and your child prefer not to use gadgets for the practice, you can help them pick out from this list of positive affirmations for kids, write them down and display it in a convenient place for their daily affirmations recitation.

Young child in front of a desk holding pencil, looking down while reading or studying.
Positive self-affirmations can help your child better succeed in their studies.

Last, show them how to do it. Do a practice session or two with them if they are comfortable with it. With younger kids, they might even want or need you to do their daily sessions with them, which can turn into a powerful bonding experience.