addiction

How to Break Free From Social Media Addiction

What’s the first thing that you do in the morning? The last thing you do before going to bed? What about everything in between?

The sad fact is that far too many people are getting – or are already – addicted to social media. While this addiction may be related to one’s personality, other factors do not help at all.

We have mobile phones and tablets on hand at all times. Cellular data allows us to check in, post a status, tweet, leave a comment, take a photo and upload, and so much more – anywhere and anytime.

No wonder people spend far too much time on social media.

Here’s an infographic from late 2014 that will give you an idea how many people use social media and how much. These numbers surely have increased significantly by now.

Source

If you see yourself and your habits reflected in the data above, perhaps it’s time to think about how much social media is part of your life – and how much of your life is spent on social media. While it is not bad in itself, too much of anything is no good. If you can’t stand an hour or two (or even three) without checking your social media accounts, you may have social media addiction.

How do you break free from social media addiction?

Here are a few things that you can do. However, these are only steps to guide you. At the end of the day, your desire and willpower will determine your success or not.

It’s not totally your fault.

Now don’t go ahead pointing fingers at Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. You still are responsible for your actions, but studies have shown that these social networks follow “a science” to hook users in – and keep them hooked. In an article published by Medical Daily, Facebook addition is compared to drugs – the same areas in the brain are activated.

Use this fact as a motivator to limit your time on social media.

You’re being played. Why would you want that? Don’t let them play you.

Set your boundaries.

The best way to do this is to create your own set of rules and follow them. For example, make it a rule not to reach for your phone the moment you open your eyes. Instead, find an alternative. Go to the bathroom and wash your face – which is probably what you did before anyway.

What if I use my phone as an alarm clock, you may ask. Have you heard of the good old alarm clock?

Make it a rule to put your phone face down and on silent mode before you settle in for the night. Use Do Not Disturb mode if you use an iPhone. This way, if you’re worried about an important call or message from a family member going unnoticed at night, you will have peace of mind.

Don’t let social media be your “I don’t have anything to do” activity.

What do you do when you’re bored? You probably go check what your friends are up to on Facebook. Look at photos. Check your Twitter feed.

Many people use social media as a default when they’re bored.

Think back to the times when there were no social media platforms. What did you do when you were bored? Try going back to that.

Turn off notifications.

You may not have the urge to go online at the moment, but suddenly, you see a notification pop up on your phone. We know how that goes.

This will really help you break free from social media addiction: turn off notifications for all your accounts. This is how my phone is set up, and it has done wonders for me.

Take things further and turn off desktop notifications as well.

Consciously and purposely disconnect.

This may be difficult in the beginning, much like a drug addict on withdrawal. However, if you purposely disconnect for periods of time, you will realize that you do not need social media so much.

You can start by deciding not to go online for the first half of the day. Alternatively, decide not to check in on Saturdays – or the whole weekend. When you go on vacation, limit your social media time to before going to bed.

What Is Childhood Emotional Neglect And How It Affects Your Child

Family, Life

Childhood emotional neglect. It’s not something we hear about when talking of typical developmental childhood conditions. But it’s actually more common than we think, albeit less noticeable because the manifestations are not as alarming as, say, autism, ADHD or defiant behavior. Yet, CEN can lead to serious problems in adulthood, which we shall enumerate in this article.

Parents who learn about emotional neglect in childhood often wonder what they have done that resulted in CEN. Dr. Jonice Webb, a clinical psychologist, defines the condition as the effect of a parent’s failure to respond enough to a child’s emotional needs. When your kid comes home from school looking sad or upset and you don’t bother to ask what happened, or the pet dog died and you did not comfort him, those are examples of emotional neglect. Done often enough, it has a cumulative effect that exhibits itself later in life, from the teen years to adulthood.

Parents are often too busy to take notice of their child’s feelings. Or if they do, they ignore them or read something else into the child’s high-strung or defiant behavior. True, they provide for the physical and educational needs of their offspring and the children grow up medically healthy and finish school. But there’s less talking, sharing of experiences and bonding over meals and short vacations. The child ends up feeling distant and unloved. He learns to inhibit himself from others and repress his emotions in the absence of a positive response from his parents.

The Insidious Effects of Childhood Emotional Neglect

Depression

Depression affects 20% of teens in the United States, regardless of gender, social status, race and other demographics. A study by psychologists at Leiden University in the Netherlands found that the primary cause of depression in later life is emotional neglect, exemplified by lack of attention, empathy and support from their parents or guardian.

Addictive behavior

Although child sexual, physical and emotional abuse are key factors that contribute to substance addiction, habitual indifference to a child’s feelings also lead to addictive behavior. Trauma in childhood has been linked to a person’s predisposition to addiction. Trauma in its broad sense is stress that may be physical or emotional from which a person cannot remove himself. CEN stems from a parent’s chronic lack of attention, which is a traumatic situation for a child.

Pervasive sense of unhappiness and discontent

A child who grows up emotionally neglected often becomes an unhappy and discontented adult. He or she may have a good family and a great well-paying job but there’s an unexplainable emptiness in his or her life. Often, the unhappy adult feels he has not reached his true potential and compares himself with others more successful than he is. This “grass is greener” outlook leads to constant job hopping, believing the perfect job is yet to come. It can also lead to unstable relationships, especially with a significant partner.

Unhappiness also comes from a learned technique in childhood of suppressing one’s own needs yet meeting the needs of others. He presents a cheerful face and is thought of as a caring and thoughtful person but deep inside, the unhappiness lingers.

Childhood emotional neglect is not easily evident and so has the tendency to remain unchecked. Parents who are aware of the disorder and wish to avoid doing it to their own kids can use the following approaches:

When your child is sad, angry or upset, do not give a general assurance that everything will be alright. You are not addressing the problem nor showing you understand his emotions. Instead, ask your child what happened and identify what his specific feelings are toward the incident.
After knowing the cause of his emotions (for ex., anger,) poke and find out what he is angry about. If he got into a fight at school, was he angry at his opponent for upsetting him, or angry at himself for being humiliated? When you know what the underlying cause of the feeling is, you are better able to offer appropriate support.
Show sympathy. Show your child that you support him and understand what he’s going through. Reassure him that no matter what happens, you’ll be there for him.
Teach him to let go of control. The child must realize early on that he cannot control everything and that it should not be a source of frustration or anger. Train him to be accepting of events and other people’s behaviors.

5 Spiritual Tools for Addiction Recovery

Body, Healing, Spirit

Nurturing a spiritual practice is a time-honored way for recovering addicts to stay strong in their recovery. It’s the foundation of many recovery paths, including the 12-Step program. Maintaining a spiritual practice doesn’t have to mean adhering to a religion. A spiritual practice can be any practice that promotes inner peace and helps a person feel like he or she is a part of something larger than him or herself.

For people in recovery, spiritual practices can be valuable coping tools to help them regulate their emotions and deal with the normal ups and downs of everyday life. No matter how difficult and stressful your life becomes, spiritual tools can help you find a sense of clarity and inner strength. Some of the most valuable and common tools recovering addicts can benefit from include prayer, meditation, religious practice, physical disciplines like yoga or qi gong, and mindfulness practices. [Read more…] about 5 Spiritual Tools for Addiction Recovery

Originally posted on May 28, 2015 @ 5:58 am

How to Overcome Your Addictions

Body, Inspiration, Spirit

photo credit: loremipsum

Everyone is addicted to something. For me it is coffee. I love it. Others have an addiction to drugs, sex or video games. And the sad thing about addictions is that they overtake your entire life; everything else comes second. In this post I am going to give you some practical and meaningful ways to overcome your addictions. It is my sincere hope that you beat them soon.

How do you know if you’re addicted?

The first step that we need to look at is whether or not you are actually addicted. Some people say they are addicted to coffee when, in actual fact, they just really like a cup in the morning. I would say that this is a bad habit as opposed to an addiction.

Addictions are a different kettle of fish. They are more consuming and debilitating. One sign that you are addicted to something is that feel like you cannot live without it. You need it. You have to have it. And when you don’t get it you feel sick. That is and addiction.

There are also many signs that point to the fact that you are becoming addicted. For example, let’s take a Facebook addiction. One sign that you are on the path to addiction is when you are late for meetings or appointments because you are using the website. If your poison is interfering with the normal function of your life then chances are you are on that slippery slope.

How to overcome your addictions

The suggestions that I am about to give come from a lifetime of dealing with a very addictive personality. Although I have never been addicted to anything serious like drugs or alcohol I do sometimes feel the “pull” of some other addictive behaviors. I also grew up with an alcoholic father which ignited in me a wish to learn more about addictions.

I should point out, however, that I am not a doctor, psychologist or counselor. Nothing that I say should replace the advice of a professional.

1. See the damage your addiction is causing
The first thing that you need to do if you have an addiction is realize the damage that it is doing to your life. Once you can truly see and accept this negativity you will be more likely to make a change.

photo credit: DNQA

Let’s take the example of an alcoholic. This is a very destructive addiction because it really affects every area of your life. Your work starts to become unproductive because you are either intoxicated or in desperate need of a drink. Your family life starts to crumble because you lie to your spouse about where you are and how much you’ve been drinking. And your health is impacted – weight gain and liver problems.

If you feel you are addicted to something and you want to fix the problem you really need to take an honest look at the damage your addiction is causing. You really need to be honest with yourself. Don’t blame anything or anyone else – be honest. When you can do this you are ready to change.

2. Admit it to someone else
The next step you need to take is admitting to someone else that you have an addiction. A lot of self-help strategies tell you to admit it to yourself but I think this is not enough. You need to admit it to someone else.

Here’s why. You KNOW you are addicted. Your mind has self-awareness and you know exactly what you think and feel. You might make excuses for it or dodge the issue but deep down you know you are addicted. So admitting it to yourself only takes you so far. However, if you go out and admit it to someone else you are acknowledging that the addiction is a problem. This is one step further from merely admitting it is there – you are admitting it is dangerous.

Make a date with your spouse, mother, father, brother, sister or friend. Or book some time to see a counselor. Tell them that you have a problem and you need help. Tell them that you intend to get better and politely ask them to check in on you from time to time. This is important.

3. Get specific information
The next thing you need to do is get information specific to your addiction. We all know the saying “knowledge is power” and it is as true as ever when it comes to overcoming addiction. You need to know exactly how your problem works, why it came about and how to go about fixing it.

When you are looking for information you need to do a little better than blogs and internet resources. You need text books written by professionals and you need advice from experts who are trained to deal with your specific problem. The internet is a wonderful resource for many things but when it comes to serious addictions you need to make sure you are only working with the best material. Be careful.

4. Take a vow
The next thing you need to do is make a vow. This is probably the most important step in the whole process. Without this vow you will struggle to stick it out when times get tough.

photo credit: hylah

When I was young I was introduced to the idea of Buddhist vows. I was fascinated with the way they shaped a person’s life and kept you from straying down negative paths. I was mesmerized by the monks and how pure they were because of their vows. Their vows were the most important things in their life. In fact, many monks recite a prayer that says, “I will protect my vows like I protect my own eyes“. This is how you need to consider your vow.

Your vow is your word. It is your promise to yourself and to other people. It is your guiding light – the pathway that will take you from sickness to health. Take a vow and stick to it no matter what. When you feel tired and sick and helpless and are tempted to go back to your poison remember your vow – rely on it.

5. Make a plan
Beating an addiction is a battle. And like any battle, you need a plan to be successful. Imagine running into Iraq with a team of soldiers and no idea what your plan was. It would be suicide. The same is true of your addiction – without a plan you will fail.

Your plan should be made in conjunction with the information that you got earlier. It should be clearly laid out and put somewhere where you will see it everyday. Try to include as much detail as possible – how long you are going to take to quit, how much support you need, your daily activities, etc.

It is very important to pick a date by which you will have quit your addiction. Without that date your journey is just a dream. With that date it can become reality. Pick a date (a reasonable one) and stick to it.

6. Find inspiration
This step is one of the most important of them all. Inspiration. You are going to need someone or something to rely on when the going gets tough. Make sure you know exactly what yours is so you don’t have to scramble to find it when you are feeling down.

If you have a religion it can be very useful in these times. You can look at the great examples of the Saints of your lineage and see the hardships that they went through. I feel quite an affinity for the Buddhist masters and as such I draw a lot of inspiration from the Dalai Lama and the great yogi Milarepa. These are real human beings who have faced some extremely tough circumstances and come out as better people. That is inspiring.

Do some research and find out who or what inspires you. As I said, make sure you know before you start to panic who you are going to go to. If you don’t you will just end up back on the booze or the drugs.

7. Get rid of negative influences
Once when I was traveling in India a great Buddhist master was giving a series of teachings. On the last day of these teachings he said something that has become a steadfast rule in my life, “If you put a rose in a bag of fish soon the rose will start to stink too. Be careful of the company you keep”.

Quite often our “friends” are the worst thing for us. When we hang around them we are brought under their influence and end up doing all sorts of things that we wouldn’t have done otherwise. If you have an addiction or feel like you are going that way it would be a good idea to see whether any friends or events that you participate in are negatively influencing you. If you can identify any get rid of them straight away.

8. Develop strength and embrace failure
The final thing that I want to talk about in this particular article is the idea of developing strength and facing failure. When you are trying to beat such a deeply ingrained habit you need to have a lot of strength. And you need to be ready to fail.

photo credit: ePi.Longo

If you fail on your journey it is not a signal to give up. Rather, you should rejoice at the amount of time that you were able to accomplish and re-start with a renewed energy and sense of ambition. Tell yourself that this time you are going to go all the way. Don’t give up.

Conclusion

Every single human being has the potential for happiness. If you are addicted to something you are really holding yourself back from achieving your true potential. If you have happened upon this article in search of some answers I truly hope you find some inspiration. I wish you all the best on your journey and sincerely hope you can overcome your vice, whatever it may be.

Does anyone out there have any words of wisdom to share? Has anyone overcome an addiction or helped someone who has?

Originally posted on March 13, 2009 @ 1:12 pm

What Is Childhood Emotional Neglect And How It Affects Your Child