“Gentle, delicate, and graceful in physique, a … slender and aristocratic frame can be deceiving. Within that sensitive exterior is a strength and a will that are invincible” (Linda Joyce, The Day You Were Born).
I am sensitive. I am driven from a connection to my true essence, my soul. I am strong with a perspective on the world that often leaves me feeling somewhat out of place. Perhaps born at the wrong time? And yet, there is something about my life experience that seem right. Within my control to manipulate as I see fit. Is there such a thing as psychic power? Clairvoyance? A deeper knowing that exists in me? My thoughts become things. Or so it seems…
I am not always confident. Am I the only one? On the one hand I know that I am here for a reason. I know there is something I am here to bring to life; but I hold myself back. I purposefully stay on the fence in an attempt to stay safe. The missing component … consistency. When I hold myself to a standard and stay focused day-to-day, my confidence grows. I know how to feel good. It’s just that darn anxiety! It can be crippling.
The most exhausting thing in the world is to maintain discipline in the midst of fear. That is, however, exactly what I must do. It is not optional, it is necessary. That being said, I live in a mental space that is always changing. This is the reality of a self-reflective person. Always looking inward, always tweaking. Flexible to allow for growth. Boundaries are generally a work in progress.
“If you want to know what you did in your past life, observe your present condition. If you want to know what your future condition will be, observe your present actions.” (Buddha)
Now. This moment seems to be all I have. My present feelings, thoughts, hurts, desires. If I listen to it, what would it teach me? That I am human and I am not alone which means I can help people. Leaning into pain allows me to connect deeper to others. I feel other people’s emotions as if they were my own. I experience joys and sorrow that may or may not be part of my personal experience. I would like to think that makes me someone who ‘gets it’. Isn’t that what we all want?
That is what I want. But to get me you have to connect with my soul – is that too complicated? If that is where I exist, that’s where you will find me. While it may be the road less traveled, it is certainly one you will never regret … IF you are willing to learn and grow beyond yourself, and into me – as I grow into you. But how does that differ from any other person – really? We all have the ability to find true connection, commitment to the work is another matter.
“One’s relative position in the universe controls viewpoint.” (Albert Einstein)
At times I feel alone. Ok… abandoned. Other times I feel powerful and capable – to the point of perfectionism. I hear I am stubborn and opinionated – but I believe I have a particularly useful opinion eligible for consideration. Yes, I said it. Good advice anyone? Perhaps to a fault. Especially since I feel that as much as I try to support the world with my wonderful advice, I often feel as though the world does not, and will not, support me. Or perhaps I cannot recognize it for what it is. Possible, I suppose. I tend to have selective recognition. I generally focus only on things I find interesting. Everything else seems to escape me. It is not intentional. At least I am honest, right?
So, who am I? A dragon. A Pisces. A person just trying to figure it out. How much of me can you relate to? Have you spent any time understanding yourself lately? As a friend, I share who I am – but now I ask you, who are you?
Originally posted on May 6, 2014 @ 9:00 am
