Personal Growth – Page 22

Gordon Ramsay: 4 Lessons this Angry Chef Can Teach You About Success

Gordon Ramsay

Gordon Ramsay is an angry man. He is also a very inspiring man who knows a lot about the hospitality industry. In his massively popular television series, Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares, he takes God forsaken eateries and turns them in to five star restaurants. Love him or hate him he knows how to do his job.

In this article I want to take a look at a few lessons Gordon Ramsay has taught me about the pressures and stresses of my work and how to turn them into success.

What Gordon Ramsay can teach you about work success

1. When you are wrong, admit it
One of the first things you notice about the show is that Gordon Ramsay goes after people who don’t admit they are wrong the hardest. He rides their backside until they either cave in and start crying or they storm out and quit. In Ramsay’s restaurants there is only room for those people who are willing to learn and grow and if you are not ready to admit that you were wrong you are going to lose out.

In this video you will see Chef Ramsay go to town on a French Chef who won’t admit that he was wrong. It starts a huge argument and the two almost have a fist-fight. In the end Ramsay walks out and the chef misses out on an opportunity to learn from one of the most successful restaurant owners in the world.

Sometimes it is better to leave your ego at the door and admit that you are wrong. [Read more…] about Gordon Ramsay: 4 Lessons this Angry Chef Can Teach You About Success

Originally posted on April 10, 2008 @ 8:00 am

Buddhist Work: Things I Learned About Work from my Tibetan Friends

Mind, Mindfulness, Personal Growth, Spirit, Spirituality

Every year I travel to the North Indian Himalayas to see my Tibetan friends and Buddhist teachers. In that time I have learned a lot of life lessons and a lot of lessons about how to make my work more meaningful. In this post I want to look at a few things my Tibetan friends taught me about work.

Tibet, Buddhism and a happy workplace

Before I get into the lessons I thought I would explain why I feel the Tibetan people have a lot to offer us westerners in terms of work lessons.

Tibet was a Buddhist country where the peaceful religion permeated every single household, shop, farm, school, etc. It has been there for hundreds of years.

Tibet was invaded by the Chinese in 1959 and many took refuge in India. Here they continue to live as practicing Buddhists – their culture still alive and well. And one of the first things you see when you go into a Tibetan owned business is Buddhist imagery. They base their work around their spiritual life and because of this steadfast trust in their spirituality they learn to deal with stress, anger and work pressures in a very different way. These methods are what we are going to look at today.

Lessons I learned about work from my Tibetan friends

With all that in mind here are a few things I learned from my Tibetan friends about making my work a happier and more spiritual place.

1. Compassion for all beings

“If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.” – HH the Dalai Lama

The very core and basis of Buddhism is that all beings are suffering and wish to be happy. With this in mind Buddhists take a vow where they promise to serve and protect all sentient beings for as long as they live. This compassion is not biased or choosy – all sentient beings deserve this compassion – even people we meet in the workplace! [Read more…] about Buddhist Work: Things I Learned About Work from my Tibetan Friends

Originally posted on April 7, 2008 @ 1:24 am

I Am Charisma: Developing Charisma Like Will Smith

Life, Personal Growth, Spirit

Will Smith

When I think of charisma I think of Will Smith. The man has something about him that just makes you like him. His charisma is infectious too – after a Will Smith movie comes out everyone is trying to be like him. So how do we develop charisma like Will?

What is Will Smith Charisma?

Before we can talk about developing charisma we have to look at exactly what type of charisma we are trying to develop. Yes, that’s right – there are a few different types of charisma. Some of them aren’t so good.

First of all there is normal charisma which is where people are charismatic for no particular reason. You can try and figure out why people find them charismatic but you can’t quite put your finger on it. Quite often they are good looking.

Secondly we have negative charisma. This is like Adolf Hitler. This man was so charismatic that he could lead thousands of people to do very bad things. He brings out the worst in people.

Thirdly, and most importantly, we have positive transformational charisma. This is the type of charisma that makes people see the best in themselves. It makes people believe in something. It makes people happy. This is Will Smith.

How to develop Will Smith style charisma

All charasmatic people have a few things in common. If we aren’t very naturally charasmatic we need to look at what they do and try to emulate it in our own style.

1. Empower people
The most charasmatic people on Earth empower you when you are near them. Will Smith does this constantly. He makes people around him feel funny. He makes people feel like they can travel the same journey he has – rags to riches. Empowerment is a typical trait of charasmatic people.

Negative charasmatics, on the other hand, try and keep all the power for themselves. You might see this with a CEO at work or someone in your family. They have some charasmatic power but they feel that by degrading others it will make them look big. The contrary is true – the more power you give others the more they will perceive you as being poweful.

Take a look at this speech Will gives to a bunch of people involved in the arts. It is a little fuzzy but the voice is clear. Notice how he uses examples to empower people to continue.

2. Listen carefully
Will Smith listens to people when they are talking to him. A lot of famous people are just waiting for their turn to talk. Bad idea. When you listen to someone it is noticeable. We have all been at the table with the guy who doesn’t listen when you talk. It is annoying as hell.

Careful listening also allows you to formulate meaningful responses. Charasmatic people always add something to a situation. It might be knowledge, wisdom, humor or just hope. Whatever it is they usually do it after listening to what a person is saying and establishing how they are feeling.

This is one of my favorite Will Smith interviews. It is hilarious. Notice how the language barrier isn’t a problem. Will listens to both verbal and physical cues. He also empowers the other guy to be funny as mentioned before.

3. Smile and laugh
Will Smith isn’t afraid to bellow out his massive laugh. He doesn’t hold back. He is always smiling and after a while the smile becomes infectious. It is very difficult to be in a sad mood when someone around you is happy and laughing and smiling. Their inner happiness somehow affects what is going on around them.

Check out Will on Letterman. He lifts everyone he directs his attention to by smiling and being happy. How can you effect change if you have not changed yourself?

4. Be yourself
Charasmatic people are not trying to be like anyone else. Of course we can take lessons from people like Will Smith but we should not try to copy how they talk, act, walk, etc. When you start to do this you lose the naturalness that charismatic people display. People who are comforable in their own skins and are not phased by other people’s opinions are often the most charasmatic.

Originally posted on February 28, 2008 @ 3:03 am

Expanding Your Horizons this Halloween

Personal Growth, Spirit, Spirituality

Jack-o’-lanterns, the undead, spook and gore, elaborate costumes, and over top parties. These are what often come to mind when we think about Halloween, but have you ever wondered where Halloween came from and why it is so widely celebrated?

That question may be corny in these days where holidays are commercialized, and the spiritual beginnings of Halloween have been forgotten. Everyone is so focused on having fun and most often do not even realize that there are several different traditions being celebrated in different countries and by different religions around the world. Whether you believe in religion, spirituality, or neither, hopefully, this post will give you a moment to reflect and appreciate the history behind why we have such wonderful celebrations, and to also be more mindful and respectful of customs that still hold deeply spiritual meanings for others.

Samhain

People dressed as animals or monsters to protect themselves.

A lot of people think that Salem, Massachusetts is THE place to go if you want a full-on Halloween experience. A quick Google search and you will find that Ireland’s Derry City rivals Salem in reputation for having biggest Halloween festival. Even better, Derry trumps Salem when it comes to Halloween history as the celebration actually traces its roots back to the Celtic tradition Samhain (pronounced “SAH-win”).

Samhain is an ancient Celtic spiritual tradition celebrated between the fall equinox and winter solstice, a time wherein it is believed that the veil between the physical and spiritual world breaks down. Worshippers, led by druid priests, then offered sacrifices outside the villages for fairies and people dressed as animals and monsters to avoid being noticed and kidnapped by spirits and creatures from the Otherworld that cross over into this world.

Samhain, as all beliefs and traditions eventually do, evolved by the Middle Ages with fire festivals held primarily to protect peasants from fairies and witches. It is also around this time that the first versions of the jack-o’-lantern started appearing in Ireland, England and Scotland. Of course, the original jack-o’-lanterns were way more macabre than the ones we see everywhere today.

Samhain is still celebrated in Ireland today albeit not as a spiritual custom but as the worldwide holiday that is Halloween. It’s more about dressing up, having fun, and trick or treating – which isn’t surprising since it is there that this tradition started as well.

All Hallows’ Eve and All Hallows’ Day

The 9^th century brought about very different spiritual significance to October 31, which is when Samhain was traditionally held, due to the Catholic Church’s proclamation that November 1 be celebrated as All Hallows’ Day or All Saints’ Day. This meant that the night of October 31 was then called All Hallows’ Eve and Samhain had to evolve once again, this time merging with the Christian celebration to become what is now called – Halloween.

Halloween spread through the Americas as Irish immigrants continued to celebrate this age-old tradition, bringing with them the really fun aspects like trick or treating, monster costumes, and a less scary version of the jack-o’-lantern.

Lighting candles to pray to saints or to pray for the souls of the dead.

These days though, while Halloween is a secular holiday, many Christian religions still observe November 1 as All Saints’ Day in honor of the saints of the church. Depending on the country and specific Christian religion, November 2 is practiced as All Souls’ Days in remembrance of the dearly departed. This brings us to another very famous celebration held during the first week of November…

Dia de los Muertos

Dia de los Muertos, or the Day of the Dead, is not to be confused with Halloween as its roots are very much different and their only connection is the day they fall. It is understandable though that people who do not know much about the history of either festival may think that they are somewhat connected given similar aspects such as honoring the dead and the over-the-top festivals and elaborate costumes.

The Day of the Dead, which originated in Mexico, is celebrated all over Latin America. It is celebrated from November 1 to 3.

Dia de los Angelitos is held from midnight of November 1st to midnight of November 2nd and is dedicated to the spirits of departed children. During this time the dead children are said to come back so they can be reunited with their families for a day. Dia de los Adultos, observed right in the heels Dia de los Angelitos, is held in honor of the dearly departed adults. Dia de los Muertos ends in another day-long celebration of life and death where families visit the graves of their loved ones to clean them and bring flowers and food as offerings. During the last day of the festival, Mexico throws its iconic Day of the Dead parade, drawing tourists from all over the world.

Important symbols that people immediately associate with the Day of the Dead, with or without knowing what they truly represent include ornately decorated sugar skulls, the calavera (which translates to “skull’ but can be just a skull or entire skeletal figures), family altars adorned with marigolds, the colorful papel picados, and of course beautiful embroidered costumes.

These three famous celebrations are not the only important traditions observed around the world in to honor the dead and even otherworldly spirits. There’s the Radonitsa (Day of Rejoicing) in Russia, Gai Jatra in Nepal, Awuru Odo Festival in Nigeria, the month-long Jum il-Metjin in Malta, and the Hungry Ghost Festival, which is a traditional festival from Taoism and Buddhism celebrated in different East Asian countries.

While not all of the celebrations happen between October to November, one thing is clear, Halloween may be pure fun as a holiday but we can learn more and expand our horizons if we just do a little digging. Even as we go to parties, hand out treats, have fun watching horror movies, and spend quality time with our friends and family, we can also take the time to deepen our appreciation of other people’s cultures and traditions.

Overcoming Negativity Bias: Being Positive in a Negative World

Mind, Mindfulness, Personal Growth

Positive discipline, positive reinforcement, positive affirmations, positive thinking, positive living. Buzzwords you hear left and right that sometimes makes it seem like it is all that life is made of. And yes, positivity is good. It is more than just a buzzword.

Developing a positive mindset is important not only to live a happier life but to achieve long-term goals as well. People who have a positive outlook in life, the ones we call optimists, have been proven to be grittier. Unfortunately, it is a fact that people tend to pay more attention to and be affected by negativity than positivity.

Feeling unappreciated?

Try to think back to what has happened in the last few weeks or even months.

At work…

When did your boss last commend you for doing your job well? When or how many times were you called out for a slip-up?

At home…

When was the last time anyone thanked you for doing the dishes or cleaning the bathroom? When was the last time someone one of the kids whined about the food you prepared or got upset because you forgot to pick up something they needed for school?

As a child…

When was the last time your parents praised you for doing your homework independently or doing your chores? Now, when was the last time you got disciplined or scolded for not tidying up your room or getting home late?

If you are like most people, you probably counted that there are more instances where your unwanted behaviors were noticed compared to the number of times you were openly appreciated.

Now let’s flip the script. Think back to how many times you felt irritated or frustrated with a certain person in the last week. Next, think about how many times you felt like thanking that person for anything, be it something they do or the fact they are in your life.

While it may not be true for all, there is a good chance that you remembered more times when you distinctly felt negative emotions than you did positive ones. Why is this the case?

The Negativity Bias

The existence of negativity bias is well documented. What it means is that people have “the propensity to attend to, learn from, and use negative information far more than positive information.” Despite our best intentions, our brain is just hot-wired to remember and react more to negative things. Our brain literally uses “greater processing power” when it receives negative stimuli than when it does positive stimuli. This means that not only do we tend to pay more attention to negative things, but we also experience them with greater emotional intensity, AND remember them more than we do positive things.

The above exercise illustrates perfectly how negativity bias affects our perception of other people and thus, our relationships. Since people gravitate to negative information than positive information, we inadvertently overlook the good things others do.

Male in jeans and dark shirt sitting stooped down on a park bench with his arms on his knees and gripping his head. — Negativity results in a lot of internal turmoil.

In addition, negativity bias also affects the way we view ourselves. Remember all the niggling thoughts that result in self-doubt, self-criticism, low self-esteem, and self-directed anger? Negativity bias affects us greatly and has a huge role in the way formation of self-perception.

By now you are probably feeling a little bit down. If that is all true and we are built such that negativity trumps positivity, how can we ever find peace and happiness?

Living with joy in the world of negativity bias

1. Understand what negativity bias is and how it affects you and everyone else.

Congratulations! If you reached this part, then you have taken the first step in overcoming negativity bias.

Know thy enemy and know yourself; in a hundred battles, you will never be defeated. ~ Sun Tzu

2. Accept the entirety of your emotions

Knowing that negativity bias exists is not enough. It is crucial that you do some soul-searching to be aware of the negative thoughts that are on a constant loop in your head. This requires you to be honest with yourself and accept this side of yourself before you can do something about it.

Negative thoughts will invariably creep in. You will still feel a stronger knee-jerk reaction when negative situations arise compared to the high that you will get from most positive situations. That is just how it goes. It does not mean that you are losing the battle against negativity. It simply means that you are human. Accept this side of you and do not beat yourself up over it. Be kind to yourself. This is the time to develop more self-compassion as you recognize that there is much work to be done to be able to truly live a life of positivity.

3. Consciously choose to focus on the positive rather than the negative.

Accepting the different facets of your emotion does not mean giving in to negativity. Instead, you should also recognize the positivity that exists in you and choose to focus on that. Nurture the positive and starve the negative.

There are so many ways to nurture positivity in the midst of negativity, so don’t wait till you are feeling down before trying to combat the negative. Instead, get a jump on it and arm yourself by surrounding yourself with positivity. You can do this by reciting self-affirmations every day, listing down things you like about yourself and posting it somewhere you can always see, and keeping a gratefulness journal.

One small positive thought in the morning can change your whole day.

When it comes to protecting relationships, you need to reframe your thoughts by intentionally noticing the good in others and expressing your appreciation more often. Pet peeves and downright negative interactions will probably test your resolve, but after silently acknowledging how it made you feel do your best to distract yourself and focus on the other good experiences you’ve had that day.

Remember you can always choose to turn your back on negative thoughts and situations. Positivity is not magic. Like most things in life, it is a choice you have to make with each passing moment.

Practicing the Power of the Pause

Meditation, Mindfulness, Personal Growth

Mindful living. Slowing down. Power of the Pause.

What ever you call it, the idea of taking a pause – a break or time off – to renew oneself is not new. However, interest in the topic saw a boom in the last decade with the publishing of the book, The Power of the Pause: Becoming More by Doing Less, in 2011. It is so popular that you will find resources on it everywhere. You can find Harvard Business Review articles to TEDx videos that explain how it can help you in various aspects of your life, from career change to connecting with your inner self. This is not surprising given how we all need to take time to pause, whether it be for a few seconds of deep breathing or a two-year sabbatical.

Meditation and the power of the pause

Mindful living encompasses all aspects of our lives. It is a way of being.

The power of the pause, on the other hand, is a tool that can help us live in a more mindful manner. It is central to the practice of mindfulness, because it is the first thing we need to do each time we meditate – stop.

Mindfulness and the power of the pause go hand in hand.

In practicing mindfulness through meditation, we try to focus our attention or awareness to the present moment. However, to be able to be fully present on the now requires that we stop and let go of everything. This means letting go of the past, even that past that was just five minutes ago; the future, from our to-do-list to aspirations; and anything else that ties us beyond what we are experiencing at that very moment. It is the ultimate pause.

Of course, anyone who has ever meditated knows that thoughts and feelings that do not belong in the present invariably creep in. They distract us from focusing on our breath, the droning sound of the fan, and the feeling of peace that has just started to settle in our being. At that very moment though, mindfulness still prevails if we acknowledge those feelings and thoughts without judgement, learn to accept that they are a part of us, and let them go so that we can move on with our meditation practice. With every second that passes, we need to stop to be able to take stock of what is to truly be in a state of mindfulness.

Harnessing the power of the pause beyond meditation

The power of the pause, as in mindful living, goes beyond the practice of meditation. You need to take a pause regularly to avoid burn out, be more effective in the different roles you take on, and live in a manner that nurtures your whole wellbeing.

Taking a pause for self-care

In trying to live more mindfully, harnessing the power of the pause for self-care is essential. You can incorporate little breaks throughout your day, and in your weekly and monthly routine. Little breaks can mean getting up from your desk and stretching your back for a few counts, spending a minute for quick mindfulness exercises, or taking a power nap after lunch. It can mean having a cup of coffee while everyone is still in bed, putting on headphones to tune the world out while doing your bedtime routine, or going out for a walk with your dog.

Pauses can also come in the form of what others may see as self-indulgence. It is more than just taking a short break to keep your sanity. It is much needed self-care, and it does not matter what the activity is, as long as you get away from the hectic pace of daily life and spend some time with yourself enjoying something you love to do. Things you can do for your special alone time can be anything from scheduling a weekly massage and trip to the nail salon, a monthly museum or fishing trip, or even a dinner date with yourself.

Taking a pause for self-growth

Taking a pause does not always mean doing nothing. Instead, one way to harness the power of the pause though is by doing something else that will help you grow.

Take time off from what you do on a day-to-day basis and push yourself out of your comfort zone. As the saying goes…

“Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.“

Remember though that one of the key things in pursuing personal growth is that pushing yourself to do more and be more all the time is not the healthy way to go about it. No one can do everything all at once. You have to be mindful of what truly matters to you.

Take a pause from the things that drain you physically, mentally, and emotionally and then focus your time and energy on those that take you another step closer towards your personal goals. You need to stop doing things that do not add value to your life and invest your time in those that you will help you achieve your goals.

You can…

Take a pause from binge-watching and sign up for daily yoga/art/cooking/language classes – whether offline or online.

Take a pause from tumultuous relationships and go on a journey of self-discovery “Eat, Pray, Love” style.

Take a pause from excessive online shopping and start investing your money in something more meaningful.

Take a sabbatical and pick up where you left off on that passion project that you thought you have given up on.

Take a pause from social media and take time to nurture relationships face-to-face, one-on-one, in real time.

Remember, pauses may be quick or long, temporary or permanent, but in the end pause is a must if you want to get where you want to be.