10 Quotes on Judging

Inspiration, Personal Growth, Spirit

Whether or not we are doing it on a conscious level, we are probably making judgements more than we want to every day; and we probably get judged just as much.

It’s easy enough to say that we shouldn’t be so judgemental and that others shouldn’t judge us, but we know that it’s not so simple in practice.

We have to make a conscious effort to be tolerant and non-judgemental just as much as we have to be more understanding when people judge us.

If you’re struggling with this issue, take a look at some quotes on judging. Some of them are bold statements of fact, while others are questions which will make you think.

I hope you find a nugget or two of wisdom to see you through.

On judging…

1. Circumstances cause us to act the way we do. We should always bear this in mind before judging the actions of others. I realized this from the start during World War II. -Thor Heyerdahl

2. People are always judging you based on where you’re from, where you went to school, how you look, how you talk. But at the end of the day, you’re going to have to look into the mirror and accept who you are. It’s all about being authentic. -Andre Carson

3. When judging a friend…

4. How would your life be different if…you stopped making negative judgmental assumptions about people you encounter? Let today be the day…you look for the good in everyone you meet and respect their journey. -Steve Maraboli, Life, the Truth, and Being Free

5. When judging others, think of this…

6. A good place to begin, is to forgive yourself for judging in the first place. -Bryant McGill, Simple Reminders: Inspiration for Living Your Best Life

7. Stop judging how far people still have to go.

8. Beware, so long as you live, of judging men by their outward appearance. -Jean de La Fontaine

9. While you judge me by my outward appearance I am silently doing the same to you, even though there’s a ninety-percent chance that in both cases our assumptions are wrong. -Richelle E. Goodrich, Smile Anyway: Quotes, Verse, & Grumblings for Every Day of the Year

10. The worst thing you can do to your loved ones is judging them through the eyes of others. -Nitin Yadav

More on judging and being judged: 14 Quotes on Judging and Being Judged

Originally posted on February 18, 2015 @ 8:30 am

How to Let Go of Ego in Relationships

Life, Personal Growth, Relationships, Spirit

Last week, we talked about how ego can be harming your relationships. You may not be aware of it, but your ego may be getting in the way – or worse, actively destroying your relationships.

Hopefully, the preceding post has helped you in evaluating your relationships and whether your ego is getting in the way.

Today, let’s look at how to let go of ego in relationships and consequently improve them.

Understand your true self.

At the bottom of letting go of or controlling your ego is knowing your true self. What do you love most about yourself? What do you value most?

This is not easy and will take some time, but learn to understand and know your self-worth. Identify your core values and your goals.

Don’t let others get in the way of that, and you’ll realize that your ego need not be destructful.

Remember that you don’t have to be always right.

It’s okay to be wrong. No one is perfect.

Understanding your true self will help you realize that you cannot be right in every situation. There will always be situations where you make a wrong call, have a wrong attitude, or simply on the wrong side. Learn to discern these situations, and don’t be afraid to admit that you are wrong.

It might be difficult in the beginning, but being able to admit when you’re wrong gives a sense of freedom.

Overcome the need to be better than everyone else.

An ego out of control leads you to think that you are better than everyone else. That you are superior in every way.

Just like remembering that you don’t have to be right all the time, understand that your need to be superior to everyone around you does not have to be.

There will always be someone better, more beautiful, smarter, faster. From infanthood to adulthood, this has always been the case.

The sooner you realize that you cannot – and should not feel obligated to – be better than others, the sooner you can mend and improve your relationships.

Instead of competing with others in this way, why not think of making yourself better instead? Focus on how you can improve yourself, and your relationships will fall into place.

Practice tolerance and determine not to be easily offended.

A huge ego is easily offended, which can easily lead to arguments and even a falling out. In order to let go of your ego, you have to consciously practice tolerance and make it a point to make “being offended” the last thing on your mind.

This does not mean that you put aside your sense of self-worth. Instead, it is creating a mindset that people may be different from you and have different ways of expressing themselves. It is NOT thinking that everyone is out to get you or insult you. It is truly knowing what and who you are.

Practice contentment.

Just as you can set your mind to being more tolerant and not being offended easily, you can set your mind to being content with what you have. Having this mindset can help you cover all of the points above. Knowing that you have what you need – and that most other things are superfluous – will help you be more open to what others have to say and understand how they behave.

Your turn

How has your ego been harming you and your relationships? Do you think the points above can help you let go of your ego? What are other things you can do to let go of your ego?

Also read: Why Are Relationships So Hard?

Originally posted on February 12, 2015 @ 9:00 am

Is Your Ego Harming Your Relationships?

Life, Personal Growth, Relationships, Spirit

We’ve all learned about the ego at some point in our education. Even informal education always touches upon the ego. Movies, books, TV shows, and conversations with others – these all bring up the topic of the ego at one point or another.

But what exactly is the ego?

The ego is our identity, an identity that we create ourselves. Taking into account all of our beliefs regarding our personality, capabilities, talents, failures, incapabilities, etc. makes up our ego.

As such, the ego is considered to be a false identity. It does not truly define who and what we are.

While it does play a role, it can be harmful in many ways. In this post, we’ll take a look at a specific aspect of life and how your ego may be harming it.

How your ego can be harming your relationships

If your ego gets too big, out of control, then it certainly will do your relationships no good. Whether it’s your relationship with your life partner, with your parents or siblings, with your friends, or with your colleagues, it doesn’t matter.

The result will be a falling out unless you make some changes.

Read the following ideas, and take a long hard look at yourself and your relationships.

1. You don’t recognize when you’re wrong.

There is something about the ego that makes you think that you are beyond reproach. That you are perfect. You might not admit that to others. You might even often say that you’re not perfect, but deep inside, you may be thinking quite the opposite.

If this is how you see yourself, you will never realize it when you are wrong, much less admit it. Can you imagine your relationships working out if you’re always right, and it’s always the others’ fault?

2. You see yourself as better than others.

Thinking that you are perfect leads to another idea: you are better than everyone else around you.

The situation is similar to the previous point. You may never admit that you think you are better than your friends – and everyone else, for that matter – but you are probably thinking that in your head. You think you know more about everything than others.

Even if you don’t consciously verbally express this opinion, your body language and tone when speaking will ultimately reveal the ego at its worst.

You will come across as having lack of respect for others. You will sound condescending. And yes, this will harm your relationships.

3. You don’t listen.

If you think you are always right and that you are better than other people, then the chances are you don’t really listen to what others are saying.

For example, if you and your partner are having a discussion, it may be that you are only listening for the sake of replying and not to understand at all. After all, you know you’re right and he/she isn’t, yes?

While you continue living in your own world, you’re irritating, isolating, and pushing away the people around you by not listening to what they have to say.

4. You take what you have for granted.

With a big ego comes the idea of “I am the important one.” This can easily lead to disregarding people who care for you and whom you care for. While you may not intentionally want to harm your relationships, you probably take them for granted.

They’re there for you when you need help. Of course they should be there! After all, you’re that important to them, right?

They need a small favor from you. How dare they be upset if you can’t do it? You are a very busy person, don’t they understand that?

Reflection

Now pause for a while, and think about the above four points. Do they apply to you? Be totally honest with yourself.

If at least one does apply, it is time to make changes. That is, if you want to keep your relationships intact.

In the next post, we will talk about how to let go of your ego, so stay tuned.

What’s the FlashForward Concept and How You Can Use It

Personal Growth, Spirit

Back in 2009, my best friend and I started watching this television show called FlashForward. The premise is that an unexplained event took place wherein every person on Earth blacks out, resulting in catastrophies. When people awake, they have a glimpse of their future. As you can imagine, some were good and some were bad.

We were immediately captivated by the story, and not long after, we decided to use the FlashForward concept in our own lives, albeit with a twist. Obviously, we didn’t experience a worldwide black out. What we did was to envision ourselves six months from the present. In essence, we set a specific goal of what we wanted, or where we wanted to be in our lives, six months into the future.

It’s simply setting a goal and taking steps within a set period of time to ensure that you meet it. You can do it any time you want, but since we’re starting a new year, I thought it would be a good time to share the FlashForward concept with you.

Tips to make FlashForward work

Just like with any other endeavor to set and meet goals – like New Year’s resolutions – taking on the FlashForward challenge is not all sugar and spice. I have to admit I have failed more than once. I’ve learned some things to take full advantage of the concept, however, and they might help you as well.

Set a very specific goal.

Goals can sometimes be an abstract concept, but in order to take full advantage of the FlashForward concept, you need to be as specific as possible. You’ll notice that I wrote “a very specific goal”. This is because I find it more effective to choose one to focus on instead of having a bevy of goals. Even if you choose a big goal, you can break it down into bite-sized pieces.

Some examples of specific goals:

To wake up not feeling anxious about the day
To quit smoking (for real)
To have the job that I want
To move to a new condo/apartment

These goals vary in difficulty, but you have a certain period wherein you can take measurable, incremental steps to achieve them.

For the first goal, for example, what steps can you take?

See a psychologist regularly if you need help to figure out why you are anxious the moment you wake up. You then have professional help in weeding out the reasons for your anxiety.
Keep a log of what you look forward to every day. Identify at least one thing that you know will make you feel better every day. Write it down before going to bed, and look at your log as you start your day.

Do it with a partner.

In my case, I started FlashForward with my bestfriend. Every six months, we would set our goal/s and follow up on each other. If you decide to try the FlashForward concept for yourself, find someone who will do it with you.

Why?

One, you’ll be more encouraged since you have someone to talk to about your goal and what you’re doing to achieve it.

Two, you are accountable to someone other than yourself. If you falter or stray, you will have someone to remind you.

Three, you’ll probably get inspiration as to what concrete steps to take to achieve your goal.

Four, and best of all, you’ll have someone to celebrate with when you reach the end of the FlashForward period.

Remind yourself of your goal and ‘due date’ as often as possible.

I mentioned keeping a log of what you do to reach your goals. This is one way of reminding yourself. It doesn’t even have to be every day. You can set the frequency as it suits you. The important thing is that you keep your eyes on the prize.

Wrap up

The FlashForward concept is based on principles that we already know. It’s all about making things more concrete and actually getting what you want within a realistic frame.

What do you think about the FlashForward concept? Want to give it a try?

Originally posted on January 6, 2015 @ 8:40 pm

10 Things to Do Before You Unleash Your Anger to the World

Life, Mental Health, Mindfulness, Personal Growth

Anger is a very dangerous thing. When you’re angry, you make the whole world know about it through actions. By expressing your anger, you are able to act upon this negative emotion, thus ridding yourself from bad feelings in the process.

On the downside, the consequences of your actions while you’re angry may cause irreparable damage to yourself and your relationship with others.

It is so easy to do something rash and illogical when you’re angry because you may use it as an excuse to explain your actions, allowing you to recompense people you have done wrong. However, anger is never an excuse. You have the ability to manage and defuse your anger. Instead, you decided to act upon it without thinking of the harm you’re doing. By the time you realize this, it might be too late to ask for forgiveness and make amends.

Therefore, before letting anger take hold of you, restrain yourself from doing anything until you’ve done the following first:

1. Get out from the place that’s making you angry

If you’re with company or in an environment that triggered your anger, find a way to excuse yourself politely from the situation and retreat to a place where you can find comfort and peace of mind.

2. Calm yourself down

Focusing on taking deep breaths work best to help you compose yourself. Another method to soothe yourself is to count from one to 10 and back. If you want to do other ways on to get your act together, read “Angry? Tips to Calm Down on the Spot.”

3. Identify the source of anger

Trace back to the events that led to you getting angry. Rationalize how these instances made you angry. From here, you can also determine if your anger has been misplaced because you simply misunderstood something.

4. Come up with a solution

Once you have determined the cause of your anger, it’s time to find a reasonable way of acting upon it. Putting your thinking caps on during these times places back logic in the driver’s seat and your emotions in the back burner. This way, it allows you to clear your head and make rational decisions from this point on.

5. Talk to someone

If you can’t find a solution to your anger, find someone that you trust and talk your feelings and thoughts over with them. Since they have a much better perspective of the entire situation – once you’ve walked them through it – they can provide you with more actionable ways of addressing your situation.

6. Create a platform to discuss your anger

Confront the issue that is causing you to be angry. If it’s a person, find a way to create dialogue and talk about how he or she has done you wrong. If it’s an event, articulate your emotions in your journal or blog.

7. Make your anger exclusive to yourself

When talking to someone who has caused your anger, address your negative emotions by starting every sentence with, “I feel…” This way, you don’t make the person feel like you’re attacking them.

8. Keep cool!

It is possible that dealing with the situation head on can fuel your anger even more, especially if the situation escalates. If you feel you are on the verge of losing it, don’t. If necessary, repeat the first tip of this list and start all over again.

9. Forgive

Once your anger issues have been resolved, find in your heart to not only forgive the cause of your anger, but also yourself for almost letting your emotion get the best of you.

10. Be happy!

Move on from anger and onto greater things. Focus on your dreams and aspirations, as well as doing the things you love for the people you care about. More important, keep a positive disposition at all times so you can move on from your anger much easier.

Once you’ve done everything above, you can guarantee that your anger has dissipated and the only thing you’ll unleash is goodwill and great joy to all!

Originally posted on November 24, 2014 @ 7:00 am

Determine If You’re Lacking Self-Compassion, and Learn How to Develop It