The Daily Mind
Daily Steps To Mindful Living
I’ve recently had a few emails from followers of the Daily Mind asking how they can promote their own writing on matters of spirituality, wellbeing and personal development. Well, if you already write a blog about these subjects, or if you’d like to start one up and want to build up a following, then read on to find out how you can promote your blog!
[Read more…] about Calling all spiritual bloggers!
Originally posted on November 7, 2011 @ 12:21 pm
Here’s a confession – I’m not a natural optimist. I’m not one of those people for whom the glass is always half full. I have to really train my mind not to focus on how empty it looks. It’s not easy, I can tell you.
One thing that I’ve found particularly effective in recent times is practising gratitude. At the end of every day I sit and write down a list of five things I’m grateful for. Sometimes it’s easy and I can think of more than five, whereas other times I really struggle, but I make sure I complete the list. By focusing on the good things that happened in the day, or just the positive things in my life, I find that I feel happier and more optimistic.
photo credit: LexnGer
You don’t even have to write them down – it’s the process that’s important – so instead you could list them in your head as you’re getting ready for bed. If this sounds difficult, why not enlist a friend or partner to help you? You could send each other a daily gratitude email or text.
Incidentally, there’s research to back this all up. In one 2003 study a group of individuals wrote down five things they were grateful for each week, for 10 weeks. At the end of the trial this group were 25% happier than a comparison group who just wrote down five things that happened in the week.
[Read more…] about Giving thanks – Practising gratitude
Originally posted on October 7, 2011 @ 10:19 am
photo credit: uonottingham
“If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.” – the Dalai Lama
Sometimes all it takes is a small gesture to totally change someone’s day. When you sense that someone cares for you or is putting your concerns ahead of their own you often have your outlook totally transformed to something more positive and warm. Here are some small ways to make someone’s day.
1. Smile
2. Open doors
3. Offer a seat at your table in a busy cafe
4. Make eye contact
5. Shout a workmate a coffee for no reason
6. Start a conversation with someone who looks lonely
7. Listen
8. Share a tip that has helped you out in your life recently
9. Give money to beggars without conditions attached
10. Don’t complain about politics or recent news
11. Try and put a positive spin on a bad situation
12. Invite someone to go jogging
13. Cook for your wife
14. Meditate so you are calmer for your family
15. Volunteer for someone who really needs it
Normally I like to rant on and write long and in depth posts about things but sometimes it is just the simplest things that help the most. There is a wonderful quote by Plato that says, “Be kind for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” It is a wonderful thing to remember when you go about your daily business because it reminds you that other people are going through similar pains and hardships.
It also can help you deal with situations where you can’t quite understand why a person is behaving so badly – it is because they too are fighting a hard battle of their own.
I would really like to hear some comments about some small little thing that someone did that changed your day and made you feel happy and more optimistic. I don’t care how trivial or strange it might seem – please leave a comment so others can hear it and maybe use it to help someone else.
Originally posted on March 4, 2011 @ 1:34 am
“If the problem can be solved, why worry? If the problem cannot be solved, worrying will do you no good.” – Shantideva
For the last two weeks I’ve been in bed unable to move due to a big ole stone stuck in my saliva gland. Every time I ate (or even thought about eating for that matter) the gland would swell up to golf ball size and ache like nothing I’ve ever experienced. It was the worst pain I have ever been in.
During this time laying perfectly still I really started to think about all the people out there who have it so much worse than me and my stone. And now that the stone is gone (thank you surgeon!) I wanted to write down some things that I’ve heard about in the hope that it might help you if you ever go through some horrible physical pain or sickness. I hope it helps someone out there.
If you talk to my friends and family they will probably tell you that I am a big worrier. I seem to make things out to be worse than they are and I worry intensely about things that haven’t happened yet. This is a very bad thing as it makes many a mole hill into a mountain.
Worry seems to make any pain that is there seem a lot worse than it is and this leads to a lot more suffering for you and your family. I think that if you can tackle the worrying you are halfway there as most physical pain is somewhat manageable.
Some of my long time readers might remember that my best mate had cancer a few years ago. It was a pretty tough time for everyone involved (mostly him) and we all spent a lot of effort looking into ways to deal with the physical and emotional pain that was going on. I remember one night sitting with him whilst he was in unbearable pain and wishing there was more I could do. I also had the thought that one day it might be myself in that bed and that I should prepare my mind now and not wait for it to happen.
So even if you are not in pain now I hope that you will take some time to research some techniques as it seems that those who have trained their mind and bodies are able to cope with the bad times much better than those who start training when the problems occur. Of course I don’t want you to worry about getting sick, that’s not the point. I just hope that you might do a little preparation in case it ever happens.
There it is – the stone once removed from the saliva duct. Painless operation but a very painful few weeks before hand. All that trouble over a tiny little calcification!
Like I said, most of these ideas are things that I used when I was in bed with the saliva gland stone and when my best friend was dealing with cancer. They worked for me but there is no guarantee that they will work for everyone. If you yourself have any advice for people going through something painful then please leave a comment as it might really help someone out there.
1. Compassion – think about others more than yourself
More than anything else I am thankful for compassion. My mother and all my loving Buddhist teachers have constantly tried to teach me to make other people more important than myself. And while I have absolutely no real understanding of this, it did become very important when I was in pain.
It actually sounds quite selfish now, thinking about compassion in order to make your pain better. But as I was laying there unable to move I naturally started to think about all the other living beings out there who are in much worse pain than I am. All those people who are suffering terminal illnesses or have just had their arm blown off in Iraq. My pain, by comparison, is fairly minute.
I realized after a few days of being sick that I had a choice. I could panic and worry about whether I would ever get better or start thinking about others. Shifting my mind away from myself seemed to give me some strength and a will to endure and be brave and get back on my feet because there are a lot of people out there who can’t.
2. Giving and taking meditation – take on the suffering
In Tibetan Buddhism there is a tradition of meditation called Tong Len or giving and taking. It is basically an aid that helps you develop compassion and weaken your self clinging by imagining that you are taking on all the sickness of other sentient beings by using the breath. I am obviously not qualified to teach this so head over to this website for a nice teaching by a western nun called Pema Chodron.
Basically what I would do while I was sick was imagine that I was taking on all sentient beings suffering when I breathed in, and when I breathed out I would give them all my happiness. I imaged that my pain was me taking on the illness of everyone else. Again, this practiced seemed to help me because it made the experience meaningful. It gave me a chance to practice. Other than that all I could do was lie still and worry about whether the surgeon would accidentally cut an artery in my neck and kill me!
3. Accept help – don’t be ashamed
When my best mate was in hospital one of the doctors mentioned how important it was to be honest and open about how you are feeling because if you’re not two things happen. Firstly, the doctors have trouble diagnosing you because they aren’t sure what your true symptoms are. Secondly, your pain doesn’t get managed properly because no body knows how much pain you really are in.
For the first month of my illness I didn’t really talk about how much it hurt. Because of this the doctors just sort of plodded along not really thinking it was a huge problem. Finally the pain got so bad that I rang my GP desperate and begging him for a referral for a specialist. Within an hour I was talking to a surgeon who said he could operate in two weeks. Had I not opened up about the pain I would probably still be laying in my bed in agony, unable to eat or drink.
During that time I also asked my teachers to do prayers for me and my friends and family to help me with things like DVDs or just someone to chat to when I needed a distraction. Unless you open up and accept the help it is really hard for anyone to know what to do for you. Without the kindness of my doctors, teachers, relatives and friends I don’t know what I would have done.
I would love to hear about what has helped you or a family member deal with some pain or illness that has happened. It can be a very lonely and frightening time and it would be nice to use this post as a tiny bit of support for anyone who might stumble upon it one day when they really need somewhere to turn. If it is you that is going through something painful I hope you get better really soon.
Originally posted on October 8, 2010 @ 1:45 am
photo credit: laurenfarmer
A mother is a person who seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie. – Tenneva Jordan
If you scoured the entire Earth looking for someone who has shown more kindness to you than your own mother you would be gone a long time. Such a person does not exist. Your mother cared for you while you were in her stomach, gave birth to you, fed and raised you to become the person you are today. No body comes even close to her in terms of love and compassion. And over the years she has taught us many things, some helpful, some not so helpful. Here are a few life lessons that your mom was right about.
1. It could be worse
Of all the things your mom said to you as a kid this is one of the most valuable. Hidden inside these four words is a wealth of wisdom that has been somewhat obscured due to the popular nature of the saying. In fact, when your mom said this to you it was often at a time when you felt pretty terrible. And so you ignored her. I’ll never forget when my little brother broke his arm my mom calmly announced that “it could be worse” and to basically get it together. She was right. It could have been worse.
The reason this saying is so important is because it teaches two things that are essential to your life, calmness and compassion. When you think about how much worse your bad situation could be you realize that there is no point getting all worked up. But you also start to think about those other people out there in that “worse” predicament and feel sorry for them. It is a very powerful tool.
2. The proof will be in the pudding
As if on a timer, my mom would say “the proof will be in the pudding” every year about three weeks before school report cards went out. It was around this time that she started to get nervous that my brother and I had been playing too much soccer and not doing enough homework. So she would subtly let us know that even though we said we were working hard, the real proof would be the grades on that card. And for some reason it scared the hell out of me!
There are a lot of people in this world who are good at talking. They are good at spinning a few words together and getting out of a predicament. In a similar way, there are a lot of people who are good at making excuses. But the proof will be in the pudding. You can convince yourself and those around you that you are working hard towards your goals or a project but unless that hard work bears fruit then you might be kidding yourself. The proof really will be in the final product.
3. I don’t care who started it, you stop it
Do you remember those times back at home when you and your brother or sister were pulling each others hair out over some stupid little argument? Do you remember how cheated you felt when mom trounced in the room and told you to stop it even though you didn’t start it? It was the worst feeling in the world. It felt like everyone was against you and that the world was completely unfair. Well, in actual fact, your mom was teaching you an extremely valuable life lesson about self control and self responsibility.
photo credit: ASingleAtom
What your mom was really saying in this situation is that she wants you to take responsibility for being the bigger person and diffuse the situation. When you put it like that you might start to see some more adult-life scenarios where it would be useful. Perhaps an argument that you are having with your father or even with your siblings again? Perhaps a colleague at work has started a fight or maybe one of your mates did something silly? Even though you might be in the right it is often extremely wise to put your pride aside and diffuse the situation.
Imagine the effect this wisdom would have on a global scale if it was put into practice by world leaders and politicians. I am not saying that everyone should just admit defeat all the time, but rather that it could be useful to put grudges aside and be the person or nation who takes steps to solving the problem instead of arguing about it.
4. If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all
What a simple but powerful lesson. Imagine how many disputes around the world would be avoided if people just remembered their mothers advice. If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all. This saying has applications for marriages, politics, business and friendships. And it has a lot more to it than it seems.
As a kid this saying probably just meant that you shouldn’t call your little brother a dickhead. But as you grow up and get a little bit more life experience you can start to add new meanings to it. For example, saying “something nice” might not just mean a compliment but rather something that is going to add to the situation and help the people that you are speaking with. Like the Buddha said, “do not speak unless it improves on silence“. So from this point of view the saying is a lesson in helping other as well as being mindful of what one is saying.
In the business and political worlds this saying is perhaps one of the most important rules there is when dealing with other people. You never say anything bad about a business partner or a competitor because it will inevitably come back to harm your reputation. The consequences in the political world are even worse. Gossip and harsh speech can have implications for careers, national progress and even international relations. Your mom was right about this one. Unless you have something helpful, intelligent and proactive to say, don’t say anything.
5. If you don’t do it now, then when are you going to do it?
If you are a regular reader of The Daily Mind (good on you!) then you will know that I am always talking about procrastination. So much of our lives is wasted because we hate the idea of now and we love the idea of tomorrow. But when tomorrow comes and we still haven’t accomplished anything we feel regret, depression and ever so unfulfilled.
One of the sad truths about life is that you can lose it at any time. Death is certain to come but the time of its arrival is most uncertain. So you might not even have a tomorrow in order to accomplish your task. Really, if you look closely at the matter, now is all you have. Now is all you have. If you don’t do it now, when are you going to do it? What if that opportunity never comes or if you run out of time because you are too busy. Will you be filled with regrets on your deathbed?
Again, we can add a little bit more grown up meaning to a saying that your mom probably said a thousand times. Of all the lessons she taught you this is one that really needs to hit home. She is right about this one. If you don’t do it now then when are you going to do it? My guess is never.
Every mom has a myriad of different lessons for their children. It would be wonderful if you could try to remember a few and leave a comment. It would be even more fantastic if you could try to think of some examples in your adult life of when the motherly wisdom helped you out.
Originally posted on January 28, 2010 @ 11:44 pm
photo credit: sevenfloorsdown
He that is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else. – Benjamin Franklin
When was the last time you made a resolve to achieve something, set a deadline and then achieved it? Can you even remember the last time? I’m struggling. And the reason I am struggling to remember such a time is because of excuses. I make them for everything; consciously and unconsciously. Without noticing it, excuses have become a habit that I am struggling to shake.
In this post I want to talk about the excuses culture that we have develop within ourselves and why we use excuses to protect ourselves from feelings of failure and fear. Hopefully it will spur some readers out there into action.
Photo credit: Franzi in der Wiese
A few years ago I was sitting in the car with a friend of mine having a conversation (argument) about how I always seem to find a way out of things. At the end of the debate he said something that has stayed at the front of my mind, something that I think about whenever I am feeling like making an excuse. He said:
“You have always found things easy. You are good at everything. But you aren’t great at anything because you make excuses. You would rather be the ‘potential’ to be great than actually try and fail. And that is sad.”
He was right. All my life I have been naturally gifted at sport and academics. I didn’t have to work hard to get good. But I never really excelled at anything. I never worked really hard to become great at a certain activity. Why? Because I was afraid of failure. I was afraid of trying and not getting there.
My parents role in this habit
I never blame my parents for anything in my life. I simply do not feel like it is a productive exercise. But I can see how certain things they did impacted the way I turned out. And one of those things was how my mother always told me how amazing I could be. She would constantly tell me how smart I was, how good at soccer I was and how I could become something truly special.
But rather than spurring me on to excellence it seemed to do the opposite. I was comfortable being the potential for greatness. I was afraid to actually give it a shot for fear that I wasn’t actually as smart, talented and athletic as she thought. So I made excuses. Excuses so I wouldn’t have to try.
And we all do it. All the time.
Fear: the reason for most excuses
So why do we make excuses? Why do we find ways to get out of things? Well, for the most part, it is because we are afraid. We are afraid of trying and we are afraid of failing. We are afraid of change and we will do anything to keep the norm functioning. Fear is the reason most of us make excuses.
If you look deep into your own mind and your own behavior you will see that you make excuses to protect your sense of self. We spend our whole lives developing and ego and decorating it with friends and family and money and success and we will do anything to protect our concept of that self. Even if it makes us depressed and unfulfilled. And ultimately that is what excuses do, they make you feel unfulfilled.
People say that the hardest thing you will ever do is quit smoking. But quitting excuses is 10 times harder. Excuses are the reason you started smoking, drinking and eating bad food. You make an excuse not to be healthy and an excuse not to be happy. Breaking the excuse culture is damn hard work. Here are some things you can do.
1. Realize that you do it all the time
As always, you need to take a look at yourself and really truly realize that you make mistakes. Find concrete examples of where you have sabotaged your progress by making an excuse and remember that incident. Bring it to mind whenever you feel like doing it again.
2. Look at your (lack of) progress
Take a look at how much progress you have made with your meditation, athletics, mortgage repayments or family weekend time. See how many excuses you have made and how that has affected your progress is a very real way. Until you can see that it is doing damage you will have no real impetus to stop.
3. Realize that death is coming
People always send me emails saying that I am too depressing when I talk about death. I always reply saying “it is depressing not to talk about it”. For too long our species has made death a taboo subject when, in fact, it is the only thing in life that is certain. Understand that death is coming and that you have no time for excuses. Not any. Its too hot, too cold, too nice inside, I’m too tired, I have a headache… all of those sound like absolute bullshit when you are on your deathbed looking back at what you didn’t achieve.
4. Realize you do it out of fear
If you go up to a fat man in the street and tell him that he is a coward he will probably punch you in the face. Men don’t like to be considered afraid, but that is exactly what we are. We make excuses because we are afraid. Why, then, do we still do it? If someone told us that we were afraid of something else we would do everything in our power to change and prove that we are brave. Do that now with excuses. Prove that you are not afraid of failure, change or losing the norm.
5. Be different in five years time
How different are you now to five years ago? Are you more loving, compassionate, patient, strong, rich, happy, thin, etc.? Take a look at whatever goal you have in your life and see how much closer you are to it now than you were five years ago. If you can say you are happy with your progress then chances are you don’t have a problem with excuses. If you are almost exactly the same then you can bet your right eye on the fact that you are stagnant because you are sabotaging your progress by saying “its too hard” or “its too cold outside”. Be different in five years time and stop making excuses.
I would love to know how many of my readers consider themselves to be excuse makers. What kind of excuses do you come up with and how (if at all) have you dealt with them? Have your excuses held you back from being all that you can be? And how have you felt the weight of this “potential” slowing you down in life? Is it easier to not try?
Originally posted on September 27, 2009 @ 3:43 am
