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How to Turn Work Stress into Happiness

Life

Stress at work

“When things are steep, remember to stay level-headed.”
Horace (BC 65-8)

This quote is important for one big reason. And that reason is that Horace knew that “things” that are outside of us can only be dealt with effectively by using our internal skills and thoughts by remaining “level-headed”.

There will always be jerks at your work.

Your boss is always going to ride your back.

Deadline are always going to creep up on you.

The pay check is always going to seem a long way off.

Your mind is the only solution…

Why we need to shift our focus inwards

As you can see there is always going to be external things going on that make us stress out. Money, workmates, deadlines, etc. will always be there and they will always get the best of you if you try to make them go away physically.

Consider another quote:

“Instead of covering the whole world with leather, simply put on some sandals.”
Shantideva, Indian Buddhist Saint.

What Shantideva is saying that we always try to deal with things on the outside. If we have a jerk in the cubicle next to us we try to get transferred. What we don’t realize is that there is only going to be someone else that annoys you at your next desk. So instead of transferring how about shifting your focus inwards and dealing with your own mind. [Read more…] about How to Turn Work Stress into Happiness

Originally posted on February 22, 2008 @ 4:21 pm

Silencing the Noise Within and Without

Life, Meditation, Mindfulness

In a world where we are constantly bombarded by a variety of stimuli, silence is getting harder and harder to find. Not everyone craves silence though because the sound of silence can be deafening as much as it can be a refuge from the storm.

Outer Noise

The demands of daily life mean little time to ourselves. And even when we are alone, technology has all but ensured that we are truly able to experience peace and quiet. Non-stop notifications pop up on our phones telling us to answer an “urgent” email, that the product in our shopping cart is on sale, that people are liking and commenting on our posts and tweets, and that we basically need to have our phones on hand 24/7. 

There’s the sound of arguing people, honking cars, music in the other room, the clicking of your keyboard, and barking dogs. The noise is incessant, and all of these contribute to what is called outer noise. 

Outer noise, however, is not just what you hear. Outer noise refers to the stimuli you receive from your environment. This includes the flashing lights of an ambulance passing by, window displays and billboards that tempt you to buy whatever it is they are trying to sell, the smell of garbage in an alleyway, and even the muggy polluted air that makes it hard to breathe. 

Noise is everywhere, leaving most of us over-stimulated.

Finding Quiet Time

Finding some quiet time to spend alone with your own thoughts and to recharge is vital to your well-being – not just your mental well-being but to your physical health as well. Our brain NEEDS more quiet time.

Find peace in silence. Find yourself in silence.

Finding peace and quiet can be tricky, especially if you have children or are extremely busy, but it is still doable. You can schedule quick pauses throughout the day to find some moments of silence. Simple things like shutting off your phone, doing yoga, meditating, or even just eating your breakfast in silence.

Inner Noise

If you truly want some peace and quiet, it shouldn’t be a problem. As they say, when there’s a will, there’s a way. The bigger problem though is not in finding ways to escape outer noise but in keeping that scary inner noise at bay. 

To shut off outer noise all you need to do is go to your bedroom, close the curtains, turn off the lights AND your phone, put on your comfiest clothes, and drift off. But as everyone knows, sleep can still elude you even in the quietest of rooms. It is almost impossible to get a good night’s rest when you are experiencing inner turmoil when you cannot turn off the inner noise.

Girl screaming with eyes shut
The noise within can be louder than the one without

Inner noise makes it difficult to be alone. It nags us, reminding us of our long to-do list. It is our thoughts and emotions sweeping over us, filling us with sadness, loneliness, anger, anxiety, and fear. It leaves our mind racing and drains us emotionally, physically, and mentally. 

Inner noise is insidious because, unlike outer noise, it lives within us and with us everywhere we go. It is something that has started to prey on our minds from the moment we experienced our first hurt as a child and continues to grow with every negative thought and experience.

As hard as it may be to shut off outer noise, it is even harder to escape inner noise. 

Finding Solace in Silence

The fear of having to listen to our inner voices, when the voices are filled with pain and fear, is perhaps one of the biggest reasons why people embrace the noisiness of the world. Having people around us, doing things non-stop, and relying on instant and constant entertainment helps drown out the inner noise. Dealing with outer noise all the time can be irritating and exhausting, but facing our inner demons is much harder.

Sure, you can go on about your life ignoring the inner noise as much as you can. You can fill every waking moment with music, TV shows, going out with friends, running after your kids, working yourself to the bone, or even throwing yourself with passion into helping others. In fact, you can do much good in this world by being constantly on the go, but in the end, all the “outer noise” both good and bad, will not be enough to truly silence the inner noise.

Keep the lights and the sounds on unless you want to hear the inner noise.

The only way you can find true silence is by filtering out the outer noise and learning to listen to what your inner noise is trying to say. The internal turmoil you feel does not exist just to torture you; it is there to tell you something. 

If you are to find solace in silence, the first thing you need to do is understand where all the inner conflict and negativity are coming from. You have to face yourself, spend time in silence, and learn from it. There will still be days when it will be hard to find peace but those are the days when you need to seek silence most. Just keep at it, and take the time to reflect and meditate. Sooner than later, you will find that moments of silence will turn into a source of comfort and encouragement instead of moments spent in unease with yourself.

“I’ve begun to realize that you can listen to silence and learn from it. It has a quality and a dimension all its own.” 
― Chaim Potok, The Chosen

Guide to a Mindful Last-Minute Halloween Prep

Home, Life, Mindfulness

Let’s not kid ourselves, if you’re here for some last-minute Halloween prep ideas, then having a mindful Halloween was the last thing on your mind the past few days. 

That’s ok. You’re in good company, with parents and kids all over the world scrambling to finish costumes and buy treats. Now is the time to let go of the shoulds and woulds. Stop beating yourself up and focus on the coulds. Mindfulness is about staying in the moment and that is what you can do right now.

Breathe

Before you continue, take a couple of minutes to center yourself. Pause. Breathe. Meditate. The few minutes you take to compose yourself will go a long way in helping you calm down, think more clearly, and plan better. If you find that a couple minutes is not enough to help ease your anxiety, take a few more minutes. Believe me, you will get more done once your mind is clear. 

Make a checklist 

I don’t have time to make a checklist! 

If that’s what you’re thinking, consider this, are there things you know you need to do even without them written down? Do you need to buy some treats? Do you need to find a bowl to put them in? Do you need to find the face paint you stored somewhere last year? 

If you have a few things that need to be done before the trick or treating starts, then you already have a checklist, except that it isn’t written down. What you have is a mental checklist. True, you can always operate and get things done with a mental checklist, but writing down your checklist is very helpful, especially when you’re in a crunch.

To checklist or not to checklist?

Depending on a mental checklist is problematic because we are prone to forgetting things. This is especially true if you have a long list of things to do, and not necessarily all of them are related to your Halloween prep. Mental checklists, instead of being helpful, can be draining. 

It won’t take you more than 10 minutes to write down your checklist, and what’s better is you can easily keep track of things with a quick glance. No need to wrack your brains out trying to remember everything that still needs to be done.

You can write your checklist on a piece of paper and post it in your fridge or type it on your phone so you can take it everywhere you go without losing it, the important thing is you have that visual reminder that you can easily refer to. 

Prioritize AND Be Realistic

Be mindful as you prioritize and stick to what is important AND doable. The fact remains that you might not have time to do all the things you want to be done, so go over your list and pick out the top two to three things that NEED to be done, and that you know CAN be done given the limitations. 

If you have children, then making their costumes trumps decorating your front porch. Figuring out logistics for little ones, like who goes out with them also comes first. 

If you are going out to attend a party and no one will be home, aside from what to wear, you need to figure out how the neighborhood kids can get their treats and what kind of treats to give them. 

Throwing a party? Now that’s a feat. Maybe you need to focus on food, drinks, and music. Or maybe you can put, GET HELP, as the first thing on your to-do list.

Ask for help

Getting help is always a good idea. Not only does it mean getting more things done, but it also means making the holiday prep a shared experience. In trying to get help remember to go about it in a mindful manner and…

Be grateful – Approach other people with gratefulness in your heart, even before they agree to help. Your attitude as you ask will show so that people will be more open to helping. Being unsure or demanding as you approach people will, on the other hand, give off negative energy that might turn others off. 

Verbally ask for help – If you do not explicitly ask for help, you can’t expect people around you to just step up and suddenly help. Expecting help without asking for it verbally is being passive-aggressive, which leads to miscommunication and conflict. You might think that it’s obvious that you need help, but what is obvious to you isn’t always obvious to others.

Let them choose what to help with and how to help and they WILL help.

Be specific – In communicating your need, you cannot just say, “I need help.” Being specific removes all ambiguity and ensures you get the help you need. If you have one thing you need for them to do, like looking bowl for the treats, then ask them to do just that. If you need help with more things, then a good way to go about it is by showing them your checklist and asking them which tasks they can do right away. 

Give choices – As mentioned earlier, it is a good idea to have others pick out the tasks they want to do for you. This eases the burden of helping since they get to choose as opposed to being dictated on. Having others pick out what to do also has the benefit of having things done excellently because they actually want or like what they are doing. 

Show your appreciation – This should go without saying, but a reminder never hurts, so remember to always show your appreciation for any help you receive. 

Get on with it

Now that you have everything lined up, get cracking on that checklist. Cross things out and add to it as needed, while keeping your priorities straight all the time. 

Have fun!

Always keep in mind that Halloween should be fun. If it has become a mere chore with no fun in sight, then maybe you should take a long pause and rethink your approach to holidays. In the meantime, take as many short breaks as you need to refocus and reenergize, try to stay in the moment, and have a happy Halloween.

Self-Affirmations: How to Get Your Kids on Board

Family, Life, Mind

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if your kids can start the practice of positive self-affirmation? 

Children these days are pretty smart and are taught to think more critically – to question everything. So while we know that positive affirmations really work, it might take a little more than the “because I say so” tack to get them to try embracing the practice of self-affirmation. 

So how can you get your kids on board?

Practice positive self-affirmations regularly

Woman in front of a mirror, smiling at herself.
Positive self-talk leads to a happier life.

Living by example is always the way to go if you want your kids to learn anything. If you want your kids to even consider trying positive self-affirmations, let alone believe that it works, you need to do it first so that they can see the result for themselves. You don’t need to talk loudly to yourself and utter your affirmations every time they walk by, which would only serve to annoy anyone, but manifesting being a good guide to your kids through self-affirmation will lead you to success in this area as well.

Once you are confident that self-affirmations work because you have your own experience to prove it, you can take the next step by introducing the concept to your kids.

Open the floor for conversation

Instead of just telling your kids that you think that positive affirmations will help them and that you are commanding them to practice self-affirmation daily henceforth, present the idea to them and be ready to have a conversation about it. 

Presenting the idea to kids can take many forms, depending on the age of your kids, their interests, your family lifestyle, and dynamics.

Mother and daughter lying face down on a bed, facing each other. The mother seems to be speaking while the daughter is smiling and listening.
Talk to your child and listen to them in turn.

Some things you can do include:

  • snuggling up with your child and showing them a short self-affirmation video that is age appropriate or addresses an issue they are experiencing right now, 
  • sitting them down and bringing up the topic to them outright, explaining what it is and then ASKING if they’d be willing to try it,
  • talking about self-affirmation and how it has helped you or how you have seen it help others over dinner without asking them to join you in practice, and
  • waiting for a time when they open up to you about an issue they are having and offering up self-affirmation as a tool that can help them in the long run.

Be very careful with the last one though, because really listening to your child when they need you is more important than using it as an opportunity to get them to do self-affirmation. Wait until they are done unburdening themselves and ONLY if they ask you for help or advice and self-affirmation is truly relevant to the situation. 

Whatever tack you take, always remember that it needs to be a CONVERSATION, which means that it is a two-way street. Invite them to ask questions or air their concerns. Listen to them. Validate their feelings about affirmations, whether positive or negative. Be ready to answer their questions honestly. And most important, accept whatever their decision is at the moment. If they are not ready to take on the practice of positive self-affirmations, do not push them. Instead, be the one to AFFIRM THEM. Your affirmation as a parent is just as important in their journey.

Show them the science.

One question your kids may ask is how you know positive self-affirmation works. And while being able to share your experience and how it has helped you is important, telling the kids that it is backed by science can seal the deal. 

Did you know that there are many scientific studies backing the effectiveness of positive affirmations in improving various aspects of our lives, such as relationships, health, and education? 

In fact, a study by Cohen and Sherman not only supports the efficacy of self-affirmations, but also reveals that the benefits can last for months and even years. Even more cool perhaps, is that neuroscientists have even mapped out key pathways in our neural processes that are associated with successful self-affirmation.

Your kids may love you, but just like they would trust their teacher over their parent when it comes to solving math problems, they know that scientists are the authority when it comes to facts. You don’t need to read scientific journals and articles to your kids, but just telling them that positive self-affirmations are backed by science, and you knowing where to point if they ask for proof, is more than enough. 

If your kids are older, it would be better if you encourage them to do their own research. This will not only solidify their belief that self-affirmation truly does work but will also teach them valuable research skills and show them that you trust them to figure things out by themselves.

Help them get started

If your child seems open to the idea of practicing positive self-affirmations, then equip them to help ensure that they stick to the practice. You can start by looking up positive affirmation videos that are appropriate for your child’s needs. You can find everything from this 1-minute morning affirmation that is suitable for younger kids to affirmations for success in exams geared towards students. If you and your child prefer not to use gadgets for the practice, you can help them pick out from this list of positive affirmations for kids, write them down and display it in a convenient place for their daily affirmations recitation.

Young child in front of a desk holding pencil, looking down while reading or studying.
Positive self-affirmations can help your child better succeed in their studies.

Last, show them how to do it. Do a practice session or two with them if they are comfortable with it. With younger kids, they might even want or need you to do their daily sessions with them, which can turn into a powerful bonding experience.

Ways To Make A Positive Impact On Your Community

Life, Relationships

No matter your media source, you can’t help but notice how these volatile times impact communities across the country. It took a global pandemic for most to become aware of the many daily challenges Americans face. Climate change, food shortages, civil unrest, social injustices, political chaos, violent crimes, and, recently, inflation have left many mentally, emotionally, and financially overwhelmed. Naturally, it would prompt an empathetic or compassionate person to want to do something to make a difference.  [Read more…] about Ways To Make A Positive Impact On Your Community