Life – Page 19

Ethical Dilemma: Should America Close Its Doors to Syrian Refugees?

Would you welcome Syrian refugees to your town after the Paris attacks?

The Paris attacks on November 13, 2015 shocked the world almost to its very core. An act of terrorism that killed and destroyed the lives of many people – more than 100 dead and more than 300 injured – the attacks were unexpected and is considered to be one of the worst since World War II.

The Islamic State (IS) claimed responsibility for the attacks, of which a snippet of the declaration is below:

In a blessed battle whose causes of success were enabled by Allah, a group of believers from the soldiers of the Caliphate (may Allah strengthen and support it) set out targeting the capital of prostitution and vice, the lead carrier of the cross in Europe-Paris…Thus, they were truthful with Allah — we consider them so — and Allah granted victory upon their hands and cast terror into the hearts of the crusaders in their very own homeland.

Following the attacks, governments around the world acted immediately to deal with the aftermath, and one of the findings was quite striking: a Syrian refugee who was recently accepted into Europe was one of the seven terrorists. Another is suspected to have entered Greece as a refugee months prior to the attack. [Read more…] about Ethical Dilemma: Should America Close Its Doors to Syrian Refugees?

Originally posted on November 30, 2015 @ 8:00 am

What Your Clothes Style Say About You

Life

“It is impossible to wear clothes without transmitting social signals. Every costume tells a story, often a very subtle one, about its wearer.” – Desmond Morris

Have you noticed how you feel more confident and self-assured when you are wearing clothes that you know you look good in and are comfortable? On the other hand, when you throw on drab and dowdy garb and go out, then see someone you know, don’t you just wish you could slink away unnoticed and unseen?

The issue of choosing outfits to wear isn’t as frivolous as what some people may think. Although they may not really define you as a person, they do influence other people’s opinion of you. Several studies have attested to the positive effect of dressing up. Good quality and well-fitting suits and dresses add to your confidence, credibility and competency. They give you an edge over competitors in job applications, land you that promotion and get you the best seats in the house.

Now that you know about the power of clothes, include them in your arsenal of weapons for success. New York style management icon David McKnight says the obstacles to improving your image through a wardrobe update are fear of change and fear of failure. These fears get you stuck in a rut and prevent you from trying different styles. To give you an insight on the clothing styles and the image you project through them, here are common perceptions that people have for certain fashion patterns.

You only wear designer brands.

Whether its casual denims and tees, polo shirts or dresses, designer labels bestow on the wearer a sense of importance and wealth. It also gives the impression that you value quality; hence, you are better than others. Conversely, overdoing the designer thing may have an adverse effect. You could be viewed as too shallow, flaunting your wealth, trying too hard to be noticed or hiding behind logos to mask your insecurity.

You wear only clothes that are of neutral colors.

Black, white, gray and brown are neutral colors. They convey safety and security. But too safe is boring. Men can get away with wearing neutral colors only. For women, it’s a different story. If you’re female and are never seen in other colors, you project an uninteresting, dull image. Or you’re stuck in your comfort zone, which is unattractive. Donning a splash of color with accessories transforms you into a more exciting woman.

For work, combine safe with fashionable. Invest in high quality classics like suits for men, separates for women and add accessories. There are many online stores that sell a wide selection of work clothes for men and women.

You don’t dress your age or you wear inappropriate clothes.

Not dressing your age is a tricky one because how would you know if you’re guilty of doing it, unless your spouse or best friend is bold enough to tell you. If in doubt, or you hear snickers and nasty comments when you pass by, research the topic on the internet and be guided accordingly. Definitely, leather minis, plunging necklines and sky-high heels are no-no’s for women over a certain age. So are Hello Kitty tees. Fashion rules for men are more tolerant. But a 50-plus male with a paunch who’s wearing a tight shirt and distressed denims is laughable, not sexy.

If you dress too young for your age, you may be caught in a time warp. You will also be perceived as looking for attention of the wrong kind or worse, desperate.

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Originally posted on November 6, 2015 @ 7:20 am

How to Deal With Difficult People and Keep Your Sanity

Life, Personal Growth, Spirit

There is at least one difficult person in everyone’s lives. It may be a colleague, a family member, or a friend. Sometimes, you can simply walk away and obliterate those people from your life. In many cases, however, you have to face the fact that you have to continue dealing with those people.

These people may exhibit behavior ranging from being rude to downright insulting when they are in “that” mood to always being late and not being apologetic about it. Some are stubborn as a mule and won’t budge once they’ve made up their mind about something – even if they’re wrong.

According to Psychology Today, difficult people can be whiners, bullies, the short-fused, the judgemental, and even sociopaths.

If you have these people in your life that you can’t get rid of, what do you do then? How do you deal with them and keep your sanity intact? Here are some things you can do.

How to deal with difficult people in your life

Stay calm

At the center of it all is how you react. You cannot control what the other person says or do, but you have control over what you do.

In order to be able to diffuse a potentially explosive situation, stay calm. If you can’t do that at the moment, step away and take some time for your emotions to settle down before you spend time with the other person.

Pay attention to your body language

Source

When you’re calm and ready to deal with any particular issue with that difficult person, pay attention to more than your words. We all know that choosing the right words and the right tone is essential to proper communication. However, body language speaks just as loudly as verbal communication.

To be honest, this is one of my biggest weaknesses. I have this what I call my “resting face”, which often doesn’t mean anything negative but is often misconstrued as either being “shut down” or aggressive – and everything in between. As such, I have been working on body language, but boy it has been a long and winding road, and I don’t think I’m even halfway there.

When you have to talk to a difficult person, however, remember to exert more effort in making sure that your body language is not aggressive as that will only exacerbate the situation. Here is a good article on how to improve your body language.

Choose your battles

When an issue arises – it’s bound to happen over and over again – then you have the “fight or flight” situation. This is a built-in system in human beings (although studies have also shown that it can be learned) which is triggered when we feel threatened.

So, when faced with a confrontation, do you fight or do you flee?

That’s a decision you have to make quickly depending on the situation. If it’s too heated and you know you are not in the right frame of mind, then better flee. Choose your battles. Not everything has to be drawn out. Sometimes, you have to let things go. Then that difficult person just might realize a thing or two about himself.

Focus on the issue at hand, not the person

Difficult people have struggles of their own. They may be depressed and just don’t want to admit it. They may need psychological help but won’t seek it. Perhaps the way they deal with their struggles is to take it out on everyone around them.

One way to deal with this person is not to focus on him. He will take that as a personal attack, and you can just imagine how things can go downhill.

Instead, focus on the issue or problem at hand. Choose your words so that it’s the issue that’s highlighted as something to be discussed and solved. Phrase your words so that you don’t come across as pointing fingers at the person.

Don’t let yourself be bullied

All of the above will help in communicating with difficult people and perhaps make your relationships better. However, in some cases, people won’t change – or they can’t unless they seek professional help.

When you’ve done all you can and you know that you’re not being treated right, stand up for yourself. Just because you’re being kind doesn’t mean you ought to give the other person the freedom to treat you badly.

Don’t let yourself be bullied. That will only make the other person feel that he is right and that he can continue behaving however he wants to.

Say what you have to say as courteously as possible, then walk away. You may not be able to stop seeing that person at work or in social gatherings, but you don’t have to engage them.

It’s not easy. It is, in fact, a gargantuan task, but for your sanity’s sake, FLEE if you have to. There’s no shame in that.

Also read: How to Be Assertive Without Being Rude

Originally posted on September 29, 2015 @ 8:10 am

30 Positive Affirmations for Kids

Family, Inspiration, Life, Spirit

Positive affirmation is essentially thinking positively, believing in yourself and that you’ll get what you want. One of the most important elements of positive affirmation is repetition. In order for them to be effective, it is necessary to repeat them to yourself (write them down even) several times a day. Additionally, they have to be very specific.

While positive affirmation is not accepted by everyone as effective, there is strong evidence that it works, if used properly.

Our own Liz Parry has written about this in an article titled “How to use the power of positive affirmations“, where she suggests practical ways of making them work:

The way to use affirmations is to repeat them on a constant, daily basis so that they sink into your subconscious. You could incorporate this as part of your daily routine. For example, as you are brushing your teeth or showering, remind yourself to repeat your affirmations. As you are doing your hair or dressing, look at yourself in the mirror and repeat your affirmations. This is a very powerful way of making these statements hit home.

In many cases, when we talk about positive affirmations, it is in relation to adults; but that doesn’t have to be the case. In fact, children can benefit from them as well.

Children are not exempt from issues adults face – from lack of self-esteem to depression. There are, of course, professionals who deal with these children. They use various tools and methods – from personalised children’s books to storytelling to social activities to role-playing and much more – to help children become well-adjusted.

Positive affirmations for kids are also a useful and effective way to boost their confidence, especially if they see the same effect on their parents. If your child needs some help, then you may want to harness the power of positive affirmations together.

To make the impact even stronger, shake things up. Don’t limit yourself to reciting the affirmations throughout the day. Write short notes and put them inside your kid’s lunchbox. Place those notes on their nightstand. Spend time in the park and utter the affirmations.

Positive Affirmations for Kids

Here are some positive affirmations for kids that you can use to give your child the help he/she needs, or even if simply to instill values.

I am blessed.
I love myself.
My family, friends, and teachers love me for who I am.
My parents are proud of me.
I am special.
I can control my emotions if I focus.
I am calm and peaceful.
I am friendly.
I am a fun person.
My friends enjoy playing with me.
I am polite and courteous, even in the face of rudeness.
I am helpful.
I am thankful. (You can make variations of this. “I am thankful for ____.)
I am happy.
I have fears, but I have the courage to face them.
When I am angry, I don’t stay that way long.
I talk about my feelings.
I love going to school because learning is fun.
I do my best in school.
I am always on time.
I like new challenges.
I have a lot of brilliant ideas.
I do my best in finishing my household chores.
I am a loving and kind sibling.
I listen to my parents and obey them.
My imagination is amazing.
I like to eat fruits and vegetables.
I like to play outside.
I see beauty in nature.
I believe in my dreams. (Tip: Identify a dream – or dreams – and emphasize it together with this affirmation.)

Positive affirmations for kids is a fun way to teach your kids how to have a good outlook on life. Whether they need help for specific issues or not, integrating positive affirmations in their lives can only result in something worthwhile.

Do you use positive affirmations? Have you tried them with your children?

Also read: How to Make Sure You Have a Good Day By Using Positive Affirmations

Originally posted on September 21, 2015 @ 8:00 am

How to Be Assertive Without Being Rude

Inspiration, Life, Personal Growth, Spirit

Assertiveness is a trait that is usually associated to Westerners. In other parts of the world, say, the East, this trait can be misunderstood as being abrasive, or even rude. It can be a cultural thing, or it can be a personality issue.

But no one should be a doormat just because one doesn’t want to risk offending others!

I am a non-confrontational person, and I am afraid this comes across lacking assertiveness, which is true to a certain degree. However, there are situations when being assertive is necessary.

On the other hand, there is a difference between assertiveness and rudeness (and/or abrasiveness).

In this article, let’s look at how to be assertive, thus avoid being a doormat, and yet not be rude.

Know your core principles.

Knowing who you are and what you believe in is essential in being able to assert yourself when others try to wear you down or bully you. If you yourself are not sure about your core principles, then how can you let others know what you stand for?

If, even right now, you cannot give answers as to what your core principles are, ask yourself some questions.

What matters most to me?
If I had several choices at the moment, which one would I instinctively choose?
What are the best moments of my life that I can think of off the top of my head?
What would I do if I knew I would die tomorrow?

Set clear boundaries.

Knowing your core principles clearly will lead to setting boundaries.

What are boundaries?

Simply put, boundaries are “rules” which you follow in life, saying what you will or won’t allow.

If you have difficulty saying no, override your needs to please others, or are bothered by someone who is demanding, controlling, criticizing, pushy, abusive, invasive, pleading, or even smothering you with kindness, it’s your responsibility to speak up. – Darlene Lancer, JD, MFT

By setting boundaries, you let others know what you will tolerate and what you won’t. This can be done verbally or through actions. It is best, however, to implement your boundaries so that other people fully understand them.

For example, if you tell your superior that you don’t appreciate how he shouts at you in public and berates you for mistakes that you didn’t do, and that you will file an HR report if he doesn’t stop, then follow up with an action.

Put yourself in the other person’s shoes.

A critical element in being assertive and yet not being rude is to have a degree of understanding of the other party.

While you may not fully grasp what the other person’s situation is, the idea of being kind because you never know what he is going through always applies. Always.

Being assertive does not mean you have to shout your way to getting your point across. It doesn’t mean being condescending, insulting, or defensive. Choose your words carefully. Think before you speak. Watch your body language.

It boils down to one thing: being able to let other people know what you feel and think and that you stand by that.

Conclusion

It may be daunting to think you can stand up to your intimidating boss, your controlling mother, or your manipulative friends, but you can do it by taking small steps. Believe in yourself, and you’ll get there.

Another useful read: 6 Small Steps to Big Benefits for Self Improvement

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Originally posted on August 21, 2015 @ 8:00 am

Make Your Trips More Memorable: Practice Mindful Travel

Life, Mindfulness, Travel

Traveling is something we should all do at least once a year, circumstances allowing. It is one of the best ways to leave the stress that we experience every day, even if we think that they may not be that bad. Traveling also gives us a chance to discover new things, which results in self-improvement. In addition to that, traveling provides moments of deep reflection that may otherwise not be possible in the comfort (or discomfort) of our daily lives.

That being said, all those things above may not mean anything if you do not practice mindful travel. That is, you have a mindset to do as many things as you can, go about and do the usual touristy things (although these are not bad in themselves), and worry about what may or may not happen.

The next time you go on a trip, try to practice mindful travel. You’ll have a whole new appreciation of traveling, and you’ll thank yourself for it.

Tips to practice mindful travel

Plan ahead

Planning ahead takes away the added stress of rushing to take care of the details – from plane tickets to accommodations to your itinerary to costs. If you can plan months before your trip, then you can rest easy before you leave.

Understandably, though, there are times when you can’t help but take care of some details at the last minute. Work or personal concerns can get in the way of your plans, and you can’t always avoid them. When this happens, do not panic, but find alternatives. In fact, doing things at the last minute may turn out to be a blessing.

There are sites which help you find affordable last minute tickets even if your destination is halfway around the world; for example, you can get cheap last minute tickets to Korea, or even to Japan if you don’t stress yourself over your original plans not happening as you wanted them to.

The key is to keep your cool if your plans get messed up. There is always a way around life’s bumps.

Choose your destination wisely

When planning your trip, how do you choose your destination?

You may have a bucket list and follow that. If your destination is not set in stone, why not spend some time to think about why you want to go on a trip – be as specific as possible – and then decide on where you will go.

Ask yourself the following questions:

Am I willing to immerse myself in a totally different culture?
Do I want to go out of my comfort zone but not experience too drastic changes in environment?
Do I want to go to a bustling city?
Do I need a quiet mountainside retreat or a remote island?
Do I want to recharge my batteries with the sun, sand, and sea?

Knowing exactly what you want will help you enjoy your trip more. Don’t pick a place just because everyone says it’s the place to be. Pick a place because it is where you want to be.

Forget your usual worries

Once you get to your destination – with bumps in your plans or not – leave your usual concerns behind. Sure, it is not easy to just not think about serious issues, but remember your reasons for going on a trip.

Instead of worrying about what’s happening at work and how much you need to do when you get back, think about where you are. Look around you. Literally stop and smell the roses (or whatever aromas surround you). You may not appreciate some unfamiliar sights and smells, but they will bring you back to the moment and make you aware of where you are and why you are there.

Every time you find yourself worrying, do the above. You will have a better experience. Trust me.

Don’t rush about

You’ve probably heard/seen/experienced this: people having a list of things to do and places to visit, following a strict timetable.

Wake up at 6 AM.

Have breakfast at the hotel buffet.

Grab a taxi (or wait for a rental car).

Visit destination A. Stay there for 30 minutes.

On to destination B. Leave in an hour – max.

And so on.

By night time, everyone’s exhausted and just want to crash.

In the morning, the cycle starts again.

While I understand why people feel the need to do things this way, I find it a waste of time, energy, and money. Why go travel for leisure when you just add to your stress by rushing around? Why not make some adjustments so that you can truly enjoy your trip?

Some things may have to be sacrificed – a tourist attraction or two – but if you give yourself time to have a leisurely breakfast, spend as many minutes (or hours) doing something you enjoy, and have a nice (quiet mode or party mode, it doesn’t matter) evening out, won’t your trip be a more memorable experience?

You do not have to run helter-skelter from one place to another. Pay attention to your surroundings and the people around you. Pay attention to what you are doing. You’ll come back from your trip in a better state than when you left.

More travel tips: 18 of My Best Travel Tips to Make Your Holiday Truly Amazing

Originally posted on August 13, 2015 @ 8:00 am