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Daily Steps To Mindful Living

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Make Your Trips More Memorable: Practice Mindful Travel

Life, Mindfulness, Travel

Traveling is something we should all do at least once a year, circumstances allowing. It is one of the best ways to leave the stress that we experience every day, even if we think that they may not be that bad. Traveling also gives us a chance to discover new things, which results in self-improvement. In addition to that, traveling provides moments of deep reflection that may otherwise not be possible in the comfort (or discomfort) of our daily lives.

That being said, all those things above may not mean anything if you do not practice mindful travel. That is, you have a mindset to do as many things as you can, go about and do the usual touristy things (although these are not bad in themselves), and worry about what may or may not happen.

The next time you go on a trip, try to practice mindful travel. You’ll have a whole new appreciation of traveling, and you’ll thank yourself for it.

Tips to practice mindful travel

Plan ahead

Planning ahead takes away the added stress of rushing to take care of the details – from plane tickets to accommodations to your itinerary to costs. If you can plan months before your trip, then you can rest easy before you leave.

Understandably, though, there are times when you can’t help but take care of some details at the last minute. Work or personal concerns can get in the way of your plans, and you can’t always avoid them. When this happens, do not panic, but find alternatives. In fact, doing things at the last minute may turn out to be a blessing.

There are sites which help you find affordable last minute tickets even if your destination is halfway around the world; for example, you can get cheap last minute tickets to Korea, or even to Japan  if you don’t stress yourself over your original plans not happening as you wanted them to.

The key is to keep your cool if your plans get messed up. There is always a way around life’s bumps.

Choose your destination wisely

When planning your trip, how do you choose your destination?

You may have a bucket list and follow that. If your destination is not set in stone, why not spend some time to think about why you want to go on a trip – be as specific as possible – and then decide on where you will go.

practice mindful travel

Ask yourself the following questions:

  1. Am I willing to immerse myself in a totally different culture?
  2. Do I want to go out of my comfort zone but not experience too drastic changes in environment?
  3. Do I want to go to a bustling city?
  4. Do I need a quiet mountainside retreat or a remote island?
  5. Do I want to recharge my batteries with the sun, sand, and sea?

Knowing exactly what you want will help you enjoy your trip more. Don’t pick a place just because everyone says it’s the place to be. Pick a place because it is where you want to be.

Forget your usual worries

Once you get to your destination – with bumps in your plans or not – leave your usual concerns behind. Sure, it is not easy to just not think about serious issues, but remember your reasons for going on a trip.

Instead of worrying about what’s happening at work and how much you need to do when you get back, think about where you are. Look around you. Literally stop and smell the roses (or whatever aromas surround you). You may not appreciate some unfamiliar sights and smells, but they will bring you back to the moment and make you aware of where you are and why you are there.

Every time you find yourself worrying, do the above. You will have a better experience. Trust me.

Don’t rush about

You’ve probably heard/seen/experienced this: people having a list of things to do and places to visit, following a strict timetable.

Wake up at 6 AM. 

Have breakfast at the hotel buffet.

Grab a taxi (or wait for a rental car).

Visit destination A. Stay there for 30 minutes.

On to destination B. Leave in an hour – max.

And so on.

By night time, everyone’s exhausted and just want to crash.

In the morning, the cycle starts again.

While I understand why people feel the need to do things this way, I find it a waste of time, energy, and money. Why go travel for leisure when you just add to your stress by rushing around? Why not make some adjustments so that you can truly enjoy your trip?

Some things may have to be sacrificed – a tourist attraction or two – but if you give yourself time to have a leisurely breakfast, spend as many minutes (or hours) doing something you enjoy, and have a nice (quiet mode or party mode, it doesn’t matter) evening out, won’t your trip be a more memorable experience?

You do not have to run helter-skelter from one place to another. Pay attention to your surroundings and the people around you. Pay attention to what you are doing. You’ll come back from your trip in a better state than when you left.

More travel tips: 18 of My Best Travel Tips to Make Your Holiday Truly Amazing

Originally posted on August 13, 2015 @ 8:00 am

What Is Childhood Emotional Neglect And How It Affects Your Child

Family, Life

Childhood emotional neglect. It’s not something we hear about when talking of typical developmental childhood conditions. But it’s actually more common than we think, albeit less noticeable because the manifestations are not as alarming as, say, autism, ADHD or defiant behavior. Yet, CEN can lead to serious problems in adulthood, which we shall enumerate in this article.

Parents who learn about emotional neglect in childhood often wonder what they have done that resulted in CEN. Dr. Jonice Webb, a clinical psychologist, defines the condition as the effect of a parent’s failure to respond enough to a child’s emotional needs. When your kid comes home from school looking sad or upset and you don’t bother to ask what happened, or the pet dog died and you did not comfort him, those are examples of emotional neglect. Done often enough, it has a cumulative effect that exhibits itself later in life, from the teen years to adulthood.

Parents are often too busy to take notice of their child’s feelings. Or if they do, they ignore them or read something else into the child’s high-strung or defiant behavior. True, they provide for the physical and educational needs of their offspring and the children grow up medically healthy and finish school. But there’s less talking, sharing of experiences and bonding over meals and short vacations. The child ends up feeling distant and unloved. He learns to inhibit himself from others and repress his emotions in the absence of a positive response from his parents.

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The Insidious Effects of Childhood Emotional Neglect

Depression

Depression affects 20% of teens in the United States, regardless of gender, social status, race and other demographics. A study by psychologists at Leiden University in the Netherlands found that the primary cause of depression in later life is emotional neglect, exemplified by lack of attention, empathy and support from their parents or guardian.

Addictive behavior

Although child sexual, physical and emotional abuse are key factors that contribute to substance addiction, habitual indifference to a child’s feelings also lead to addictive behavior. Trauma in childhood has been linked to a person’s predisposition to addiction. Trauma in its broad sense is stress that may be physical or emotional from which a person cannot remove himself. CEN stems from a parent’s chronic lack of attention, which is a traumatic situation for a child.

Pervasive sense of unhappiness and discontent

A child who grows up emotionally neglected often becomes an unhappy and discontented adult. He or she may have a good family and a great well-paying job but there’s an unexplainable emptiness in his or her life. Often, the unhappy adult feels he has not reached his true potential and compares himself with others more successful than he is. This “grass is greener” outlook leads to constant job hopping, believing the perfect job is yet to come. It can also lead to unstable relationships, especially with a significant partner.

Unhappiness also comes from a learned technique in childhood of suppressing one’s own needs yet meeting the needs of others. He presents a cheerful face and is thought of as a caring and thoughtful person but deep inside, the unhappiness lingers.

Childhood emotional neglect is not easily evident and so has the tendency to remain unchecked. Parents who are aware of the disorder and wish to avoid doing it to their own kids can use the following approaches:

  1. When your child is sad, angry or upset, do not give a general assurance that everything will be alright. You are not addressing the problem nor showing you understand his emotions. Instead, ask your child what happened and identify what his specific feelings are toward the incident.
  2. After knowing the cause of his emotions (for ex., anger,) poke and find out what he is angry about. If he got into a fight at school, was he angry at his opponent for upsetting him, or angry at himself for being humiliated? When you know what the underlying cause of the feeling is, you are better able to offer appropriate support.
  3. Show sympathy. Show your child that you support him and understand what he’s going through. Reassure him that no matter what happens, you’ll be there for him.
  4. Teach him to let go of control. The child must realize early on that he cannot control everything and that it should not be a source of frustration or anger. Train him to be accepting of events and other people’s behaviors.

Related Readings

Summer Parenting Project: How to Teach Kindness to Kids
Determine If You’re Lacking Self-Compassion, and Learn How to Develop It

Image sources: Pixabay

Originally posted on July 24, 2015 @ 9:09 am

How to Cope With the Sudden Death of a Loved One

Family, Healing, Life, Spirit

Although we all know that death is inevitable, it still doesn’t stop the mourning that follows the dying of a loved one. Impending death from a lingering illness and death that comes suddenly may cause the same level of grief for the people left behind. But the difference lies in how they cope with the loss.

When a person dies unexpectedly, it takes the family and friends by surprise. Sudden and unanticipated death may be caused by an accident, suicide, accidental shooting or murder, and certain medical conditions. Unlike the dying of someone who has been sick for a long time, the shock and bewilderment of people left behind in a sudden death are so acute and intense that the coping capacity is greatly impaired. The overwhelming grief of the parent or life partner can affect them to such a great extent that functioning is significantly diminished.

Bereaved survivors are plagued by feelings of despair, numbness, anger, guilt for still being alive and often an immeasurable sense of yearning that strikes any time. These feelings persist longer and are more intense than the emotions that assail the normal grieving person. There were no goodbyes and no more chance to do or say anything you would have wanted to, to the dead one. In the dual process model of coping with grief, the individual swings between loss-oriented responses and restoration activities to learn how to accept the reality and live life without the beloved. The back and forth seesaw creates a balance that enables the grieving person to cope with the sudden death of a loved one, reenter the daily normalcy of living grounded in reality.

It helps to know what to do in dealing with the unexpected death of a loved one, for one’s self and for learning how to help others who may go through it.

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Allow yourself to grieve to be able to cope with sudden death.

  • Get psychotherapy if you feel it’s necessary and will help.
  • Seek out a support group where you can share experiences and hear about other people’s own agony.
  • If you belong to a religious community, perform the rituals and traditions of your faith and seek spiritual guidance from your church.
  • Maintain communication with your close friends whose shoulders you can cry on when the going gets rough.

Engage in restoration activities.

Although you are still in prolonged grief, keep in mind that life has to go on even in the absence of your dear one. Restoration activities give you a reality check and having to focus on day to day activities keep you from brooding over your tragic loss.

  • Get physical. Go to the gym regularly or take 30-minute long walks frequently. Aside from the benefits on your body’s health, physical activities release brain chemicals that help combat the depression and anxiety that come with grief.
  • Learn new skills. Budgeting finances, cooking, minor house repairs are useful skills to have, especially if you were dependent on your partner for them. The internet has many free courses, or enroll in a community class and make new acquaintances on the side.
  • Take care of your physical and mental well-being. Get enough sleep and eat healthy. Don’t tire yourself out and avoid turning to alcohol and drugs to get relief.
  • Don’t isolate yourself totally. Join social activities to keep your mind off your loss, even if only temporarily.

The sudden demise of a loved one can turn your world upside down, and there’s no denying that that someone is gone forever. But it can also make you aware of what’s important in life and not get lost in the trivialities.

You may also like

How to Beat Depression: 5 Counterintuitive Ways
10 Quotes on Grief and Healing

Originally posted on July 15, 2015 @ 9:04 am

Summer Parenting Project: How to Teach Kindness to Kids

Family, Life

It’s summer time, and while the kids are jumping all over the place happily thinking of school-free days, parents are thinking about what to do.

There are the usual summer camps and vacations, but why not consider adding something to your summer activities? Take advantage of the fun and teach kindness to kids. Isn’t that an idea worth considering?

Here are some things you can do to teach kindness to kids.

Set an example.

[tweetthis url=”https://www.thedailymind.com/how-to/summer-parenting-project-how-to-teach-kindness-to-kids/”]“Kindness in words creates confidence. Kindness in thinking creates profoundness. Kindness in giving creates love.” – Lao Tzu[/tweetthis]

Children learn best by example, and they are more perceptive than we adults may sometimes think. What they see from our behavior, they imbibe and carry on to adulthood. This summer, pay more attention to how you treat people around you – from family members to friends to the grocery cashier to strangers. And, I think it goes without saying that this should be practiced not only this summer but every day.

Explain the concept of kindness.

While children learn by observing their parents, it is also important for them to understand the underlying concept. You can do this by talking to them about the idea of kindness.

What is kindness? What does it mean? Why is it important?

If you need some help, you can read some research articles that can give you an idea on how to explain kindness to kids. Here is another useful read.

Plan activities to apply kindness.

teach kindness to kids

Source

Here are some things you can do to teach kindness to kids and have fun while at it.

Tip: make sure you turn these activities into learning moments.

  1. Go to the playground, and ask your kids to remember to practice kindness. You can then talk about their behavior after. Praise them for the good that they did, and make suggestions – in a positive way – what they could do better. Be as specific as possible.
  2. Go to a public place like the zoo, beach, or park and pick up trash you see. This is a way of teaching the kids respect for the environment and people as well.
  3. Drive the point home by going to a recycling center! Make a family trip and have some treats after.
  4. Give food to people who live in the streets. Just make sure it’s a safe area.
  5. Alternatively, if you have elderly neighbors who live alone, encourage your kids to talk to them. They can start by saying hi, and visiting (with you). Occasionally bring flowers and food as gifts – always with the children involved.
  6. Ask your kids to pick out toys and clothes that they don’t use. Take them to a place that accepts donations.
  7. If you’re visiting a friend who is sick or needs help in any way, involve your kids if appropriate. If you’re baking a cake or a casserole to take with you, ask the kids to help.

Your turn.

What activities are you planning for the summer? Have you thought about imparting an attitude of kindness to your children? What other ideas would you add to the list above?

Here’s another useful article on kindness: The Power of Kindness

Originally posted on July 11, 2015 @ 2:00 am

When Things Get Financially Rough, What Do You Do?

Life

Are you going through a rough time financially? We all know it happens to everyone, although the degree and period vary. At the end of the day, however, those financially rough times will happen, and when they do, what do you do? How do you handle things when your debt piles up?

You have two options.

Panic.

I suppose it’s quite understandable that this is the first thing that many people do. When you see a credit card bill that unexpectedly beyond what you can afford to pay off in months, even years. Not to mention all the other bills you have to pay every month – perhaps tuition fees, utilities, mortgage, and so on.

Aside from panic, there may be a slew of other negative, unhelpful reactions. These are just a couple of them.

Anger – at yourself or whom “caused” the financial problem.

Denial – You may say, “It’s okay. Something will come up. I’ll just ignore this,” hiding your head under the sand like an ostrich.

Calm down, and find solutions.

financially rough

In most cases, however, these things don’t work. Financial issues don’t resolve by themselves. So here’s your second option.

Allow yourself to feel that moment (or moments) of panic, but don’t dwell on it. Acknowledge there is a problem, then bring yourself to a state of mind wherein you can think calmly and rationally. Meditation can help greatly in this case.

Once you’re in that zen state of mind, you can sit down and find solutions. If you have a partner, talk to him or her about it. If you are single, you can either find support in friends or family members, or you can sort things out alone.

What are some solutions to financially rough times? Having been through a lot – and I mean a lot – of these times, here are some suggestions based on my experiences.

Assess

Go back to the basics of budgeting.

  1. Calculate how much money comes in every month.
  2. Calculate all the monthly expenses that are absolute necessities – for example, food.
  3. Calculate all the monthly expenses you can do without. Take note of the tiniest detail – a coffee from Starbucks now and then, dinner out with friends on Tuesdays, drinks with another set of friends on Thursdays, and whatever else that falls in this category.
  4. Calculate all your debts – from loans to credit cards. Prioritize them in terms of the amount you owe and the interest/penalties they accrue.

Now, add up all expenses from #2 and #4, all broken down into monthly amounts. Next, deduct the total from your total income, and you’ll have what you have to pay every month.

You might have that panicky feeling again once you see that it might not be possible to live off of what remains, or that your expenses exceed your income.

What to do?

Act

You have to create a plan.

Tighten your belt.

financially rough

Remove all those unnecessary expenses from #3 above. Go through your other necessary expenses, and determine the areas where you can make some savings.

Save Money by Being a Mindful Shopper

Get another job or side gig.

You will have to work longer hours, you might even have to work a graveyard shift, or at least part of it, but it’s a necessary sacrifice if you want to get rid of your debt.

There are many options for side gigs these days, especially thanks to the Internet. There are services which hire people who can work from home. For example, http://essaykitchen.com/ provides essay writing services. If you like writing and can do a decent job, then you might want to apply. You can also look at sites like Craigslist. Another option is a virtual assistant job. A quick search for ‘online jobs’ on Google will give you ideas where to start.

Find ways to eliminate your debt.

If you’re dealing with huge credit card debts from various companies, you can look for a debt settlement company to help you. Be careful when choosing a company, though, as some may be scams. The FTC has an in-depth guide on the topic.

Other options include dealing with your creditors directly to find a solution that satisifies both sides, a balance transfer, and a debt consolidation loan.

While things may seem hopeless when you’re going through this financially rough period, remember that as long as you take steps in solving the issue, you will get through it. Make the necessary sacrifices. Make plans. Stick with it. Before you know it, things will be looking up.

Originally posted on June 29, 2015 @ 8:00 am

Best Fatherhood Quotes: A Tribute to All the Dads Out There

Family, Life

Father’s Day is the special day of the year when all of us can show our love and appreciation to our dads. While I believe that we should do this all year round (just like with Mother’s Day), it does not hurt to designate a specific date to pay tribute to our fathers – more than usual. After all, it is quite a feat to balance fatherhood and a career, and even the simplest gesture of appreciation will make our fathers’ day.

This year, Father’s Day falls on June 21, so there’s ample time to plan something special for your fathers. Whether it’s a material gift, an experience, or extending an olive branch, it doesn’t matter. One thing is for sure: your dad will greatly appreciate the gesture.

In anticipation of Father’s Day, I’ve gathered some of the most heartwarming and best fatherhood quotes. While some may not be able to relate to them, now is a good time as any to reflect on your relationship with your dad. You never know what might come out of it.

1. I believe that what we become depends on what our fathers teach us at odd moments, when they aren’t trying to teach us. We are formed by little scraps of wisdom. – Umberto Eco, Foucault’s Pendulum

2. The monsters are gone.”
“Really?” Doubtful.
“I killed the monsters. That’s what fathers do.”
– Fiona Wallace

3. I cannot think of any need in childhood as strong as the need for a father’s protection. – Sigmund Freud quotes

4. My father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person, he believed in me. – Jim Valvano

5. My dear father; my dear friend; the best and wisest man I ever knew, who taught me many lessons and showed me many things as we went together along the country by-ways. – Unknown

best fatherhood quotes

6. Certain is it that there is no kind of affection so purely angelic as of a father to a daughter. In love to our wives there is desire; to our sons, ambition; but to our daughters there is something which there are no words to express. – Joseph Addison

7. My father didn’t tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it. – Clarence Budington Kelland

8. When a father gives to his son, both laugh; when a son gives to his father, both cry. – Unknown

9. A dad is someone who wants to catch you before you fall but instead picks you up, brushes you off, and lets you try again. – Nishan Panwar

best fatherhood quotes

10. I’ve had a hard life, but my hardships are nothing against the hardships that my father went through in order to get me to where I started. – Bartrand Hubbard

11. A working definition of fathering might be this: fathering is the act of guiding a child to behave in ways that lead to the child’s becoming a secure child in full, thus increasing his or her chances of being happy and fruitful as a young adult. – Clyde Edgerton

12. My dad is my best friend, my father, and my boss. When I do something that is exciting and he likes it, it feels three times as good as you can imagine. – David Lauren

best fatherhood quotes

13. When my father didn’t have my hand….he had my back. – Linda Poindexter

14. The older I get, the smarter my father seems to get. – Tim Russert

15. No matter how stronger and harder a man appears to the outside world in the life’s challenges, but he still remains the weakest and softest inside in his heart to fulfill the demands and desires of his children. – Anuj Somany

All you dads out there, we salute you.

More on family:

How to Accept a Gay Friend or Family Member

Why You Shouldn’t Be An Absent Father And How To Avoid Being One

Originally posted on May 26, 2015 @ 8:00 am