The Daily Mind

Daily Steps To Mindful Living

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Five Traits to Develop to Make People Respect You

Personal Growth, Spirit

Respect is something that we all want to receive from other people, at work and in our relationships at home and in the community. But is there a device that measures if we are indeed getting the respect we long for? In the East, respect is fundamental for older people and persons holding lofty positions in the familial or societal hierarchy. In the modern world however, it has to be earned and deserved.

Genuine respect cannot be forced from others. If your employees or members of the family jump when you crack the whip, it is usually out of fear, not because they defer to you. Some people gain respect from others around them effortlessly. When they talk, the crowd listens. When they give orders, these are carried out willingly. They are admired and held in high regard yet they are not overtly domineering, and you aspire to be like them. By studying the actions of these people, you can learn how to make people respect you. Read on to know more.

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How to Make People Respect You

1. Be genuinely interested.

When you are interested, you start listening to what the other person is saying. Then you learn about their background and understand their views and ideas. Individuals who are self-absorbed don’t really listen. They are only hearing the other person’s words while their minds are busy drafting their own comeback.

When you truly listen, you show people that you care for them and what they say is important. This is a very powerful trait that you can develop to earn their respect.

2. Learn how to be humble.

Humility is a tricky trait to develop. Most people think they are humble when they are actually humblebragging. When you reach the level of possessing true humility, you don’t even care to impress upon other people that you are humble. Humility in action is:

  • Putting others’ needs first without sacrificing your own.
  • Praising other people sincerely because you’re not afraid they will be perceived as being better than you.
  • Doing little things for others.
  • Listening to other opinions even if you know you are more knowledgeable and skilled on the subject being discussed.
  • Not imposing your own views on other people.

 Humility is like underwear, essential, but indecent if it shows. – Helen Nielsen

3. Don’t be a doormat.

Being too nice does not automatically win you respect. When you always agree to everyone’s decisions and opinions and offer to do everything, people will start treating you like a doormat. It may even make them think you are spineless and have no mind of your own.

Respect yourself first before you can earn it from others. Learn to set boundaries and say “no.” Do not fear rejection just because you stand up for your rights and principles. You can be firm without having to be rude. You can help without letting your kindness be abused.

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4. Be open to other ideas.

When you’re an expert in a certain field, it’s difficult to listen to other ideas. But keeping an open mind may spring its own surprises. You might have missed something because your own knowledge is so entrenched from what you have studied for years.

Recognizing your own expertise in your specialization is not bragging. Yet it should not stop you from seeking more and sharing your knowledge. Listening to others who know you are an authority on the topic will make them feel good about themselves. You have given importance to their own contribution and they will respect you for that.

5. Deliver on your promises.

Honor commitments you have made. People remember promises made and kept, and will respect other people who do it. The promise may be over a small act but not honoring it will hurt your credibility and make the other person lose trust in you.

If you have difficulty keeping a promise, the least you can do is inform the other person. Whether it’s before or past the due date, a call, text message or a more formal email will let them know that they are important and you cared enough to acknowledge your lapse over a missed commitment.

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Originally posted on May 15, 2015 @ 3:06 am

10 Quotes To Help You Find Inner Peace In This Troubled World

Inspiration, Spirit

Exploring the Idea of Inner Peace

Inner peace – everyone seeks it but it’s a nebulous concept at best. For most people, its meaning can only be grasped in its absence. We all want to find inner peace. But how? Ask yourself. Do you go about your daily lives mindlessly, working to make enough money, going out with friends to unwind and coming home to family without really seeing them? But underneath it all, is there a hollow feeling, an incompleteness that material things and superficial relationships cannot fulfill?

On the other extreme, desiring the latest gadget but not buying it to prove a doesn’t give you satisfaction either. And you’re realistic enough not to expect relationships to be on a constant high. There will always be problems and challenges in our lives, and most days, we are just coasting along, neither ecstatic nor sad.

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Our planet today is vastly different from what it was decades ago. Technology has changed everything. Annihilation in wars don’t require a battalion of armies. Terrorist acts halfway across the globe are broadcasted immediately, as are natural disasters claiming thousands of lives and destroying whole villages. But even people from a distance who are not affected by these appalling events feel the sorrow and pain, and are beset by a sense of anxiety and helplessness. Such is the troubled world we live in.

That said, here are quotes to reflect on that will help you, dear reader, cope with the pervasive angst encompassing our cosmos. These quotes include ones about happiness and acceptance because they are synonymous to inner peace, in my opinion. By themselves, they will not find inner peace for you. But hopefully, they will inspire you and make you contemplate and shift perceptions if necessary.

Quotes to Help You Find Inner Peace

Dalai Lama XIV

1. When we feel love and kindness toward others, it not only makes others feel loved and cared for, but it helps us also to develop inner happiness and peace.

2. If a problem can be solved it will be. If it can not be solved there is no use worrying about it.

3. Only the development of compassion and understanding for others can bring us the tranquility and happiness we all seek.

Buddha

4. Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.

5. Inner peace begins the moment you choose not to allow another person or event to control your emotions.

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 6. A happy person is not a person in a certain set of circumstances, but rather a person with a certain set of attitudes. – Hugh Downs

7. But what is happiness except the simple harmony between a man and the life he leads. – Albert Camus

8. There is a criterion by which you can judge whether the thoughts you are thinking and the things you are doing are right for you. The criterion is: Have they brought you inner peace? – Peace Pilgrim

9. Peace. It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work. It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart. – unknown

10. Detachment is not that you should own nothing but that nothing should own you.

– Ali ibn      abi Talib

11. For peace of mind, we need to resign as general manager of the universe. — Larry Eisenberg

12. If you establish serenity and happiness inside yourself, you provide the world with a solid base of peace. If you do not give yourself peace, how can you share it with others? If you do not begin your peace work with yourself, where will you go to begin it? – Thich Nhat Hanh

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Originally posted on May 7, 2015 @ 11:20 pm

4 Ways To Bounce Back From Life’s Disappointments

Healing, Life, Spirit

Human relationships, essentially, will always have their share of grief and sorrow. But learning how to get up again and bounce back from life’s disappointments will benefit you in more ways than you think. When you move on from a hurtful experience and refuse to be resentful and bitter, you’ll soon realize that the quality of your life is enhanced and you find that the once elusive peace, harmony and joy are right there within you. You learn how to be kinder, more compassionate and generous. And you’ll be surprised when the people in your life give them back to you a hundredfold.
life is like a box of chocolates

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Here are positive traits to develop so that when you encounter disappointments, you can accept and overcome them, and emerge a better person for it.

Learn to forgive.

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Forgiving someone who has wronged you in a terrible way sounds impossible. And it may be, because the common perception of forgiveness is to forget what that person has done and let them back into your life like nothing happened. But forgiveness has to do with how you confront the wrong done to you; it doesn’t have to involve the other party. When you forgive, you accept that it happened, it caused you pain and you make peace with that knowledge; then you let it go and bring it to closure. It’s not necessary to reconnect with the person who hurt you. They may not be worth it. But don’t harbor bitterness and resentment against them either.

‘Forgiveness means cleansing your soul of “what might have been,” “what should have been,” and “what didn’t have to happen” – Harold Kushner

Develop resilience.

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Disappointment stems from many causes – unmet expectations, betrayal, defeat. When these happen, it’s normal to feel like giving up or sulking. But bear in mind that setbacks are unavoidable and, in the grand scheme of things, what happened to you is no worse than other people’s problems.

To be resilient is to bounce back from life’s disappointments and look for solutions to overcome them. A relationship fell short of what you expected, a promotion went to a co-worker when you felt you deserved it, friends or family did not deliver. Put these blows in their proper perspective. What’s the worst that can happen? It’s better to know your prospective partner now than later, the non-promotion is the impetus you need to double up your efforts in your job, and accept other people for what they are, not what you want them to be.

[tweetthis url=”https://www.thedailymind.com/happiness/4-ways-to-bounce-back-from-lifes-disappointments/”]“Resilience is accepting your new reality, even if it’s less good…” – Elizabeth Edwards[/tweetthis]

Lower your expectations.

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Expectations are borne out of the beliefs you grew up with. It was foisted on you by your elders and formed from what you observed during your impressionable years. Growing up to adulthood, you feel disappointed when people do not behave according to your standards and events play out contrary to what you expected. Unmet expectations lead to anxiety, anger, hurt and disappointment. Expectations also come from a sense of entitlement. You have an unspoken demand for people to behave according to your standards because you feel superior to them.

To avoid being disappointed, keep an open mind. Discard the guidelines you have set for everyone else to follow. Be more accepting of other people’s behaviors, thoughts and opinions without having to agree with them or having to defend your own views.

[tweetthis url=”https://www.thedailymind.com/happiness/4-ways-to-bounce-back-from-lifes-disappointments/”]“Blessed are they who expect nothing, for they shall not be disappointed.” – the 9th Beatitude[/tweetthis]

Cultivate humility.

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Contrary to most people’s understanding, humility is not being a wimp, or allowing others to abuse you, or denying your skills and talents. Rather, humility is letting go of the ego. When you set your ego aside

  • You don’t become defensive or feel the need to win arguments
  • You don’t seek revenge for a wrong done to you
  • You can say “I’m sorry” without feeling small
  • You don’t seek applause if you have done something good

Being all these, you treat disappointments as inevitable in your life and you know that they will pass, but life goes on anyway, so you just make the best of it.

[tweetthis url=”https://www.thedailymind.com/happiness/4-ways-to-bounce-back-from-lifes-disappointments/”]“Humility is the solid foundation of all virtues.” – Confucius[/tweetthis]

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Originally posted on April 23, 2015 @ 10:29 pm

How To Manage Anger In Intimate Relationships

Life, Relationships

Anger is quite common in intimate relationships, which is ironic since it is these types of unions that also give us profound happiness. To preserve the bonds of partnership or marriage, we must learn how to manage our anger so that it does not create damage that may break the ties permanently. If you feel that your rage is getting out of control and destroying your relationship, it’s your wake-up call to take steps to avoid disastrous consequences.

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[Read more…] about How To Manage Anger In Intimate Relationships

Originally posted on April 16, 2015 @ 12:05 pm

5 Healthy Herbs And Spices To Include In Your Diet

Body, Life, Natural Medicine, Recipes

With the thousands of plants growing on our lands, each with its own medicinal and health benefits, it becomes confusing which of these healthy herbs and spices you ought to include in your diet. The dilemma is understandable since it is only in the last few decades that the western world has accepted what advocates of Ayurveda and Traditional Chinese Medicine have known for centuries – herbs, spices and other botanical ingredients help keep the human body healthy and disease-free.

Herbs and spices are rich in antioxidants, vitamins and minerals that give them their own unique protective and curative functions. Researchers have studied and recommended them to add to your food to maintain the balance our bodies need to stay healthy. Here are their recommendations. Some plant-derived natural products that are not strictly herbal are included because they are just too good to be left out.

Healthy Herbs and Spices to Include in the Daily Diet

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Coconut Oil

The once scorned coconut oil is now touted to be a superfood. The fatty acids found in this tropical fruit can help lessen the symptoms of brain conditions like Alzheimer’s and epilepsy. It also helps fight obesity by hastening the burning of fat.
Scientific studies have shown that coconut oil in various forms kills bacteria, viruses, fungi and parasites that cause influenza, throat infections, skin diseases, fungal infections, gum diseases and many others. Oral ingestion of coconut oil helps reduces cholesterol levels and keeps blood sugar level normal.

Turmeric

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Coconut oil can be added to vegetable dishes or take one tablespoon of extra virgin coconut oil orally for a healthy heart.

Turmeric

Also known as Indian saffron, turmeric is a yellow-orange perennial plant that is native to Asia. It grows underground and sends its shoots upwards. Turmeric contains curcumin, the spice that gives curry its yellow color. It has been proven to ease the pain of osteoarthritis and may also help heal eye inflammation, reduce the risk for diabetes, colorectal cancer, dyspepsia, gum inflammation, heart attack following bypass surgery, skin rashes and stomach ulcers.

Add it to your cooking as much as possible.

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Cayenne Pepper

Or what we know as red hot chili pepper, has capsaicin as its active ingredient along with vitamins A, B6, C, E and a host of minerals. Aside from adding spice to your meals, it aids in weight loss by suppressing the appetite, gives relief from muscle and post-surgical pain and helps in treating psoriasis, migraine, allergies, and colds.

Cayenne pepper can be added to any dish if you want it spicy.

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Cloves

Cloves are the bright red to brown flower buds of the clove tree that grows abundantly in many Asian countries. It is popularly used to treat toothache by direct application to the gums. Cloves are added as spice in meat, fish, chicken and vegetable dishes and used regularly, it can improve digestion and enhance libido. As tea, it acts as an expectorant to cough up phlegm and kill the germs that cause sore throat.

Cloves are used whole or in powder form to enhance the flavor in food.

Cinnamon sticks

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Cinnamon

This is the spice that comes from the bark of the Cinnamomum tree. Taken routinely, it improves brain function and prevents Parkinson’s disease and Alzheimer’s or delays its onset. Cinnamon also regulates blood sugar levels to protect against diabetes, lowers cholesterol levels and has high anti-inflammatory properties that protect the body against infections.

Cinnamon in powder form can be added to coffee, fruits, oatmeal and other snack foods.

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Originally posted on April 10, 2015 @ 12:19 am

How To Deal With The Quarter Life Crisis

Healing, Life, Personal Growth, Spirit

We all know about mid-life crisis. It’s when men on their way to their 50s start driving sports cars and having an affair and women begin questioning life’s meaning or, more desperately, having Botox and an affair simultaneously. What’s lesser known and not getting the attention it deserves is the quarter life crisis.

This condition afflicts the people you would least expect to be beset by it. They’re the millennials, now in their mid-twenties to early thirties, who have the world at their feet and yet are not thrilled by it. They have finished college, landed jobs and may be starting families. Then suddenly, confusion grips them. Before learning how to deal with the twentysomething blues, know more about what it is and how to tell if you’re suffering from it.

Quarter-life crisis: The millenials' affliction
Laura Mountford. “I always look down on myself” www.flickr.com. 25 May 2011

What causes the Quarter Life Crisis?

At present, there are only anecdotal studies on the cause and prevalence of this phenomenon. Surveys done by commercial companies for their own research give us a clue. Media company Entertainment One polled 2,000 young adults in relation to their movie Side Effects and found that one third of them were seeing therapists and one fourth were on antidepressants. Gumtree.com, a UK-based classified ads site, in a census they conducted, found that 86 percent of 1,100 people were feeling intense pressure to earn more money, marry and raise kids, change residence or make a career change.

How is QLC manifested?

Young adults who frequently think they are not meeting the standards they have set for themselves or living up to the expectations of their parents slide into depression, anxiety and loneliness. They feel insecure and lose the enthusiasm of facing a new day, going to work and maintaining a relationship. Lethargy sets in and even doing the daily tasks is a huge effort.

Hence, deadlines are not met, reports are not done, partners feel neglected, debts pile up and the insecurities and anxiety worsen. It’s a vicious cycle. But professional help and family support play a key role in breaking the cycle so that the person in crisis can overcome this particularly difficult phase in life. Otherwise, drugs, alcohol and dangerous sex become convenient channels for escape.

How You Can Help Yourself

Before going to a psychologist or mental health professional, try a little self-help.

1. Embrace an attitude of gratitude.

Are you really as doomed as other people? If you have a job, you’re lucky. With true unemployment rate in the US reaching 12.6%, you should be thanking your stars you can pay the bills. If you have a house, family, friends and a dog, think of the lonely homeless people roaming around. It’s a matter of perspective. Stop complaining and start appreciating your circumstances.

2. Take a step back and reevaluate your goals.

Have you been sidetracked from achieving your goals? Determine the obstacles and eliminate them. It could be lack of skills, fear, or other people. Sign up for courses in skills development or get it free from the internet. Overcome your fear by breaking down your goals into small tasks that look attainable. Get rid of negative people in your life. This one is harder than it seems. So, just avoid them or change how you view them.

3. Stop defining yourself based on what your friends have achieved.

Comparing your own achievements with that of your friends or colleagues is downright depressing. Yet competitiveness is common among Gen Y-ers. That’s because they haven’t found their own identity yet and success is measured by external appearances. But even a high-paying job, flashy cars, designer wear or a beautiful family are only temporary morale boosters.

Instead of measuring yourself against other people your age, find your own path, seek a career that is meaningful to you and create goals that you actually want, not what others expect from you.

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Originally posted on April 2, 2015 @ 11:23 pm