The Daily Mind

Daily Steps To Mindful Living

forgiveness

Mindfulness as a Tool for Forgiveness

Rejection. Betrayal. Shattered dreams.

It’s a rare being who hasn’t or won’t experience one or the other in a lifetime. They are life’s trials that can make us stronger or break us down. Breaking down is normal. What it shouldn’t be is permanent. Learn to forgive the person who has hurt you by being mindful.

Minor irritations are easy to get over with, like the driver who cuts you off in traffic, or the rude sales clerk. It’s the soul-crushing incidents that linger in your heart and mind that leave you feeling hurt, angry, and vengeful. A partner who deceives you, a co-worker who maligns you to get that promotion, a friend you thought would have your back when you needed them. Even more horrible, it could be a stranger who has assaulted you or a loved one, with disastrous or even fatal consequences. [Read more…] about Mindfulness as a Tool for Forgiveness

Easy-to-Follow Steps to Start Living Your Life

Can you name one person who has never been through any trouble in their life? If you can, then you probably don’t know that person that well, and you are not aware of the struggles they have faced. Everyone has problems, and dealing with them is one of the rules of living. No matter how blissful the current circumstances are, life will inevitably go down before it rises again.

how to start living your life

These cycles create a complex problem for some of us: we are too afraid to appreciate the happiness in our lives because we are guided by the notion that “all good things come to an end.” We’re afraid to be happy because we know we’ll face sorrow again in future, and we’re certainly not happy when we have reasons for being sad.

Do we leave any space for happiness? Are we going through our lives in constant fear that something would make us feel miserable? Are we afraid to love because we expect to be hurt? Are we living at all? [Read more…] about Easy-to-Follow Steps to Start Living Your Life

4 Ways To Bounce Back From Life’s Disappointments

Human relationships, essentially, will always have their share of grief and sorrow. But learning how to get up again and bounce back from life’s disappointments will benefit you in more ways than you think. When you move on from a hurtful experience and refuse to be resentful and bitter, you’ll soon realize that the quality of your life is enhanced and you find that the once elusive peace, harmony and joy are right there within you. You learn how to be kinder, more compassionate and generous. And you’ll be surprised when the people in your life give them back to you a hundredfold.
life is like a box of chocolates

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Here are positive traits to develop so that when you encounter disappointments, you can accept and overcome them, and emerge a better person for it.

Learn to forgive.

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Forgiving someone who has wronged you in a terrible way sounds impossible. And it may be, because the common perception of forgiveness is to forget what that person has done and let them back into your life like nothing happened. But forgiveness has to do with how you confront the wrong done to you; it doesn’t have to involve the other party. When you forgive, you accept that it happened, it caused you pain and you make peace with that knowledge; then you let it go and bring it to closure. It’s not necessary to reconnect with the person who hurt you. They may not be worth it. But don’t harbor bitterness and resentment against them either.

‘Forgiveness means cleansing your soul of “what might have been,” “what should have been,” and “what didn’t have to happen” – Harold Kushner

Develop resilience.

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Disappointment stems from many causes – unmet expectations, betrayal, defeat. When these happen, it’s normal to feel like giving up or sulking. But bear in mind that setbacks are unavoidable and, in the grand scheme of things, what happened to you is no worse than other people’s problems.

To be resilient is to bounce back from life’s disappointments and look for solutions to overcome them. A relationship fell short of what you expected, a promotion went to a co-worker when you felt you deserved it, friends or family did not deliver. Put these blows in their proper perspective. What’s the worst that can happen? It’s better to know your prospective partner now than later, the non-promotion is the impetus you need to double up your efforts in your job, and accept other people for what they are, not what you want them to be.

[tweetthis url=”https://www.thedailymind.com/happiness/4-ways-to-bounce-back-from-lifes-disappointments/”]“Resilience is accepting your new reality, even if it’s less good…” – Elizabeth Edwards[/tweetthis]

Lower your expectations.

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Expectations are borne out of the beliefs you grew up with. It was foisted on you by your elders and formed from what you observed during your impressionable years. Growing up to adulthood, you feel disappointed when people do not behave according to your standards and events play out contrary to what you expected. Unmet expectations lead to anxiety, anger, hurt and disappointment. Expectations also come from a sense of entitlement. You have an unspoken demand for people to behave according to your standards because you feel superior to them.

To avoid being disappointed, keep an open mind. Discard the guidelines you have set for everyone else to follow. Be more accepting of other people’s behaviors, thoughts and opinions without having to agree with them or having to defend your own views.

[tweetthis url=”https://www.thedailymind.com/happiness/4-ways-to-bounce-back-from-lifes-disappointments/”]“Blessed are they who expect nothing, for they shall not be disappointed.” – the 9th Beatitude[/tweetthis]

Cultivate humility.

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Contrary to most people’s understanding, humility is not being a wimp, or allowing others to abuse you, or denying your skills and talents. Rather, humility is letting go of the ego. When you set your ego aside

  • You don’t become defensive or feel the need to win arguments
  • You don’t seek revenge for a wrong done to you
  • You can say “I’m sorry” without feeling small
  • You don’t seek applause if you have done something good

Being all these, you treat disappointments as inevitable in your life and you know that they will pass, but life goes on anyway, so you just make the best of it.

[tweetthis url=”https://www.thedailymind.com/happiness/4-ways-to-bounce-back-from-lifes-disappointments/”]“Humility is the solid foundation of all virtues.” – Confucius[/tweetthis]

You might also like this:

3 Simple Things to Do When Your World Spirals Out of Control

15 Realizations About Forgiveness

“Everything will be okay as soon as you are okay with everything.” – Michael A. Singer, The Untethered Soul

forgiveness

Like every human on this planet, I have experienced hurt and betrayal. The posts on this site are not intended to be some presentation of myself as an expert. Rather, it is an opportunity for me to organize my thoughts and communicate my own personal experiences in an attempt to grow and mature. [Read more…] about 15 Realizations About Forgiveness

How to forgive and let go

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We’ve all been hurt by someone else at some point in our lives, but sometimes it’s hard to let go of the resentment and anger that can be caused by someone’s actions towards you.

Resentment can build up and manifest itself as physical and emotional pain. It can cause us to become stressed, anxious and depressed. Holding grudges can even go on to affect our relationships with other people and can cause us to become mistrustful of others. In fact, according to Traditional Chinese Medicine, emotions and physical health are so strongly linked that holding on to resentment and anger can cause the body’s energy to become stagnant, particularly in the liver area.
[Read more…] about How to forgive and let go

The Art of Forgiveness: How to Learn to Forgive Yourself and Others


Creative Commons License photo credit: Magagggie

Last night I curled up on the couch with a blanket and a coffee and watched a movie called Kite Runner. This film is set in Afghanistan and is about two best friends who end up parting ways due to the war and a terrible incident that occurs between them. Many years go by and finally one of the friends is presented with an opportunity to redeem himself and win his childhood companion’s forgiveness. The story that ensues is one of the most heartbreaking, honest and beautiful stories that I have ever had the pleasure of watching. I am not ashamed to admit that I cried my eyes out at the end of this one.

One of the main themes in Kite Runner is forgiveness. Forgiving others for what what they have done to you and forgiving yourself for mistakes you have made. Inspired by this touching story I decided to write a few thoughts about how you can learn the art of forgiveness.

NOTE – this is not a religious post. Forgiveness, like ethics in general, is not something that should be limited to those who go to church. This post has practical and meaningful applications for every one of us.

Giving forgiveness a chance

Forgiveness is a tricky subject that is hard for many people to approach. I know that one of my family members is completely shut off to the idea of forgiveness, especially when the recipient is my father. Sometimes pain and hatred get in the way of more helpful solutions like forgiving and moving on.

If you feel like you might be one of those people who don’t “believe” in forgiveness I ask that you read on and see if any of these points hit home for you. I used to be like you. I found it extremely hard to forgive people who had hurt me. But my attitudes changed when I saw some concrete evidence that showed me that I would be happier if I gave forgiveness a chance.

I ask that you give it a chance too.

How forgiving are you really?

Many of you might think that you are already pretty forgiving people. I know a lot of my readers are extremely loving people who are excited about self-development and helping others. But are you that forgiving? Let’s see.

Here is a list of a few people you might have forgiven, and a few you might not have. Some of them have made some small mistakes, others have caused terrible harm. How many (if any) have you forgiven:

  • Your father
  • Your mother
  • A teacher that embarrassed you in school
  • Your political leaders
  • Osama Bin Laden
  • The guy who cut you off in traffic
  • A guy you got in a fight with
  • Yourself

This might seem silly but sometimes it is easier to forgive someone for a big thing like killing your friend in a car accident than it is the guy who deliberately cut you off in traffic. Why? Because you can see the former person’s remorse. You want to forgive them. You don’t want to forgive the person who doesn’t care a less whether you are happy or sad. You really don’t like that person.

Other people might find it easier to forgive the guy who cut you off in traffic than the guy who crashed in to the twin towers in New York. After all, those people killed thousands of innocent human beings. Why the f%&k should we forgive them.

You might be right. Maybe we shouldn’t. All I am asking is for you to take a look inside and ask, “how forgiving am I really? Do I always forgive, or only some of the time?”

Why we should learn the art of forgiveness


Creative Commons License photo credit: lant_70

So why should we learn to forgive those who have done us wrong? Why should we give them a second chance? There are many philosophical answers to this question but I want to tell you one practical reason that you might not have thought of: it is ruining your life.

A few years ago when I was in India listening to one of His Holiness the Dalai Lama’s teachings he started talking about forgiveness. Now the Buddhist concept of forgiveness is very different to the Christian one. In Buddhism there is no God to pray to for forgiveness. There is just you and your mind and your relationship with other sentient beings. His Holiness started talking about how he thought it was kind of stupid to not forgive someone. My ears pricked up knowing that he would have something interesting to say about forgiveness after what had happened to his country.

The analogy he gave was very illuminating. He talked about how you might be angry at one of your enemies for something they did to you. You carry the anger around with you every day. You think of how horrible that person is and how you would love to get back at them for what they did. But while you are busy hating them hey have long forgotten about you and your issues. They are off enjoying life. They are moving on. But you are stuck. Stuck in a moment that happened long ago. And the only way for you to move on is to forgive them.

I think this is one of the best approaches to take if you do not like the idea of forgiving someone. Do it for yourself. If you don’t forgive that person it is going to be you that suffers. They don’t care. They have moved on. But you will be stuck in an angry place for a long time to come. This is the main reason why we should learn the art of forgiveness; to give ourselves a second chance at happiness.

How to forgive yourself and others

Now I want to give you a few strategies to help you learn how to forgive yourself and others. Not everything here is going to work for you. That’s fine. Just take what you think might work and apply it to your situation. [Read more…] about The Art of Forgiveness: How to Learn to Forgive Yourself and Others