The Daily Mind

Daily Steps To Mindful Living

expectations

4 Ways To Bounce Back From Life’s Disappointments

Human relationships, essentially, will always have their share of grief and sorrow. But learning how to get up again and bounce back from life’s disappointments will benefit you in more ways than you think. When you move on from a hurtful experience and refuse to be resentful and bitter, you’ll soon realize that the quality of your life is enhanced and you find that the once elusive peace, harmony and joy are right there within you. You learn how to be kinder, more compassionate and generous. And you’ll be surprised when the people in your life give them back to you a hundredfold.
life is like a box of chocolates

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Here are positive traits to develop so that when you encounter disappointments, you can accept and overcome them, and emerge a better person for it.

Learn to forgive.

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Forgiving someone who has wronged you in a terrible way sounds impossible. And it may be, because the common perception of forgiveness is to forget what that person has done and let them back into your life like nothing happened. But forgiveness has to do with how you confront the wrong done to you; it doesn’t have to involve the other party. When you forgive, you accept that it happened, it caused you pain and you make peace with that knowledge; then you let it go and bring it to closure. It’s not necessary to reconnect with the person who hurt you. They may not be worth it. But don’t harbor bitterness and resentment against them either.

‘Forgiveness means cleansing your soul of “what might have been,” “what should have been,” and “what didn’t have to happen” – Harold Kushner

Develop resilience.

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Disappointment stems from many causes – unmet expectations, betrayal, defeat. When these happen, it’s normal to feel like giving up or sulking. But bear in mind that setbacks are unavoidable and, in the grand scheme of things, what happened to you is no worse than other people’s problems.

To be resilient is to bounce back from life’s disappointments and look for solutions to overcome them. A relationship fell short of what you expected, a promotion went to a co-worker when you felt you deserved it, friends or family did not deliver. Put these blows in their proper perspective. What’s the worst that can happen? It’s better to know your prospective partner now than later, the non-promotion is the impetus you need to double up your efforts in your job, and accept other people for what they are, not what you want them to be.

[tweetthis url=”https://www.thedailymind.com/happiness/4-ways-to-bounce-back-from-lifes-disappointments/”]“Resilience is accepting your new reality, even if it’s less good…” – Elizabeth Edwards[/tweetthis]

Lower your expectations.

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Expectations are borne out of the beliefs you grew up with. It was foisted on you by your elders and formed from what you observed during your impressionable years. Growing up to adulthood, you feel disappointed when people do not behave according to your standards and events play out contrary to what you expected. Unmet expectations lead to anxiety, anger, hurt and disappointment. Expectations also come from a sense of entitlement. You have an unspoken demand for people to behave according to your standards because you feel superior to them.

To avoid being disappointed, keep an open mind. Discard the guidelines you have set for everyone else to follow. Be more accepting of other people’s behaviors, thoughts and opinions without having to agree with them or having to defend your own views.

[tweetthis url=”https://www.thedailymind.com/happiness/4-ways-to-bounce-back-from-lifes-disappointments/”]“Blessed are they who expect nothing, for they shall not be disappointed.” – the 9th Beatitude[/tweetthis]

Cultivate humility.

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Contrary to most people’s understanding, humility is not being a wimp, or allowing others to abuse you, or denying your skills and talents. Rather, humility is letting go of the ego. When you set your ego aside

  • You don’t become defensive or feel the need to win arguments
  • You don’t seek revenge for a wrong done to you
  • You can say “I’m sorry” without feeling small
  • You don’t seek applause if you have done something good

Being all these, you treat disappointments as inevitable in your life and you know that they will pass, but life goes on anyway, so you just make the best of it.

[tweetthis url=”https://www.thedailymind.com/happiness/4-ways-to-bounce-back-from-lifes-disappointments/”]“Humility is the solid foundation of all virtues.” – Confucius[/tweetthis]

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Originally posted on April 23, 2015 @ 10:29 pm

5 Things to Stop Expecting From People Around You

Expectations can be the death of you – whether expectations come from others or ourselves. While there is no getting rid of expectations in this world, if we are more mindful, we just might be able to deal with expectations in a better way.

In this post, we’re going to focus on things to stop expecting from people with whom we interact. Whether they are family, friends, or people from the office, regular interaction with these people will always result in us expecting something from them.

If you are having issues because of your expectations, take a look at these five things to stop expecting from people around you. Reading and becoming aware of them will help!

1. Stop expecting others to make you happy.

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“Realize that true happiness lies within you. Waste no time and effort searching for peace and contentment and joy in the world outside. Remember that there is no happiness in having or in getting, but only in giving. Reach out. Share. Smile. Hug. Happiness is a perfume you cannot pour on others without getting a few drops on yourself.” ~Og Mandino

This pretty much sums it up, doesn’t it? The thing is, it’s easy to read the quote and repeat it over and over again, but in real life, it’s not always that simple. To a certain degree, we will always be affected by what external circumstances, and that includes what other people do and say.

We can’t control others, but we can control our expectations. If we stop relying on others for our own happiness, if we create situations that will make us happy, then we’ll be much better off.

2. Stop expecting others to think the way you do.

Birds of a feather flock together, but they still don’t always agree with each other, do they?

The world will be a much better place if people can have conversations and agree to disgree. You don’t always have to be right. Your friends, family members, and coworkers don’t always have to think the way you do. Period.

3. Stop expecting others to be “on call” for whenever you need them.

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It is always nice to have a shoulder to lean on. There’s always that one friend that will be there beside you in an instant when you call for help. But you can’t expect that to be the case all the time. That’s being needy.

Other people don’t exist for the sole purpose of being there for you whenever you need them. Not your parents, not your siblings, not your partner.

There will be times when they can’t be there. The sooner you understand and accept that, the easier your life will be.

4. Stop expecting others to be how you want them to be.

Sometimes, we have this image of how we want people to be, especially those close to us. We want our partner to be more expressive and show his/her appreciation more. We want our parents to be more hands off. We want our friends to be more present.

These are all good expectations, but what happens when they don’t live up to these expectations?

We get upset. We feel let down. Arguments may ensue.

How to avoid the complications?

Accept people as they are. Express your sentiments, but do not force them on others; and once you’ve expressed yourself, stop projecting your expectations.

5. Stop expecting others to treat you better than you treat yourself.

How do you treat yourself? How much do you show self-respect?

Surely, your circle will see these things, and no one can blame them if they don’t treat you better than how you treat yourself.

If you feel that other people treat you badly, take a step back and analyze how you treat yourself and how they perceive this. Perhaps the answer lies there.

What expectations do you have of others? Do you think they help you or should you let them go?

Here’s more reading on expectations: 13 Quotes to Help You Deal With Expectations

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Originally posted on March 31, 2015 @ 8:30 am

The Roadblocks That Are Expectations

Expectations set the tone for everything that you do.

In any endeavor you begin, it is vital to identify your expectations and be brutally honest with yourself about them. Sometimes, one masks expectations, which is sure to result in disappointment, even hurt.

Sometimes, we find our paths blocked, not knowing why. We don’t know what to do in a particular situation, or why whatever it is we’re doing is not giving a sense of fulfillment. It could be that expectations are getting in the way of moving forward – without us realizing it.

[Read more…] about The Roadblocks That Are Expectations