Getting over someone who was a significant person in your life is tough and painful, especially if you didn’t initiate the breakup or didn’t want the relationship to end. It becomes doubly difficult when there is no closure and you are left hanging, confused and wondering what went wrong, or why he left you.
What is closure and why is it important for getting over someone
Closure is having a clear understanding of why the relationship ended and being able to move on without looking back. Closure allows you to unburden yourself of any pain, guilt or unresolved issues arising from the breakup. With closure, the story of your time together has a beginning, a middle, and an ending. Having that, you can find peace, make a fresh start and form new relationships with renewed energy and optimism.
But not all relationships end with clarity. Quite a few men and women have split from their partners and have not been upfront about it. Others simply “ghosted,” like disappearing into thin air, with nary a goodbye text. If you are the dumpee and your partner isn’t brave enough to be honest about it, you’ll have to take matters into your own hands, if only to move forward into the future unencumbered by emotional baggage.
How to find closure when a relationship ends
Write a letter.
Say goodbye, adios, ciao, au revoir – in a letter to him that’s never going to be sent. Why not send it? Because instead of giving you closure, you’re setting yourself up for another heartbreak. You’re prolonging the uncertainty and anxiety by waiting for or expecting his response. Plus, the response may not be what you hope for.
So, write that goodbye letter without inhibitions. Express your thoughts and feelings about the relationship and its ending. Pour out your despair, hope, longing, and anger. Beg, apologize. You can write it like a memoir, a chronicle of your time together until it ended.
Writing that letter is cathartic. You purge all your thoughts and feelings onto that piece of paper or on your screen and release yourself from the bondage of limbo.
Related reading: When Relationships End…Badly
Grieve but put a self-imposed limit to it.
Grieving over a loss is normal. It is said that there is no set period for grieving as it differs from person to person. But while this is true to some extent, you must create a timeframe for how to get over someone. Prolonged grief, one that lasts for more than a year and negatively affects your daily life, is harmful to your mental health. It leads to depression, loss of energy, and apathy. Grieving over a dead relationship within a timeframe leads to its acceptance and ultimately brings closure.
Have a support group of family, trusted friends, or a community group.
Getting over someone is easier and quicker when you have friends and family around you. This is especially true if you’re so used to depending on your ex for doing things, asking for advice, help in making decisions, etc. and suddenly, he’s not there anymore. Friends who are there for you help hasten the healing process and bring closure. They are your sounding boards, the sympathetic confidants who care about you and support you. But don’t subject them to a daily dose of your laments and gripes. They’re also human and it’s not fair to them.
Support from well-meaning people will help you find that sense of self you lost because you always thought you were a couple and you lost a part of your identity after the breakup. How to get over someone also means finding yourself again.
Make mindfulness meditation a daily habit.
Mindfulness meditation done on a regular daily basis helps you focus your wandering mind. You bring yourself into the present and develop awareness of your surroundings without passing judgment. You learn to leave your past behind, not to brood over the what-could-have-been, and you don’t anxiously await the future. This practice teaches you detachment and helps you develop equanimity, giving you the closure you seek so that you’re on your way to getting over someone .