Personal Growth - The Daily Mind

Lessons From India 2: Being Grateful For What You Have

This is part two from my Lessons From India series. I am holidaying in India right now so make sure you subscribe to my feed so you don’t miss out on the up-coming stories and lessons.

This lesson is about simply being grateful for what you have. It is a lesson that hits you like a tonne of bricks when you arrive in India – there is poverty, disease and suffering everywhere and your intial reaction to those things is always “BOY AM I LUCKY”.

As you guys know, I have been to India many times. The funny thing is you never get used to the suffering. On my trips I have seen children who have their legs broken so that they can beg better. I have seen street dogs so diseased they can hardly walk. And I have seen men die in the streets while onlookers simply ignored them.

Intially I got depressed about all of this. I spent a lot of time in my hotel room hiding away from the suffering and the chaos. It took me a long time to learn that getting depressed about the suffering is not the right way. It took me a long time to realize that there was a lesson amongst all this garbage.

Now when I see suffering in India I think about how lucky I am. I am comparatively very wealthy – I have a house, a job, a family and a whole set of immunisations. I have it made.

The suffering still upsets me. It upsets me a lot. But it no longer gets me down and out. When I see people suffering I try to help where I can but I also make sure I take some lesson away from the situation. In some round about way this makes the suffering of the world not so obsolete.

So today’s lesson for all of you out there is simply to take a moment to reflect on how lucky you are and be grateful for that. The next time you feel like the world has you on your knees remember that there are others out there worse off than you and be happy for what you have.

I am convinced this is a big key to achieving satisfaction at work and in life.

See you soon!

Lessons From India: Having a Purpose at Work

Guru Rinpoche Statue in Tso Pema

I am in India at the moment so there will be lots of posts coming soon in my “lessons from India” series. Make sure you subscribe to the feed so you catch them all!

Today is the birthday of the most important meditation master in Tibetan Buddhist history. His name is Guru Rinpoche and he is the Indian yogi who brought the teachings to Tibet from India where they stayed safe for over a thousand years.

His birthday is a special occasion for Buddhists; especially those in the town of Tso Pema where I am currently living. The reason for that is because Tso Pema was Guru Rinpoche’s last stop in India before he went into Tibet. There are over 10 caves in this town where he meditated and is said to have attained great realization. These caves are wonderful places to meditate and are very still and quiet.

To celebreate his birthday my three friends and I decided we would hike up the mountain to his caves. The hike takes about four hours and is extremely tough on the back and legs. It is well worth the trek, however, as the experience at the top is incredible. It was during this massive hike that I realized how important it is to have a purpose at work.

Having a Purpose at Work

Let me set the scene for you. It is 39 degrees celcius, pouring with monsoon rains and very sticky. The altitude is Himalayan; we are so high that it is difficult to get your breath back when you are puffed out. We walked the hill at a snail’s pace and we were still dripping with sweat and struggling to take each step.

But we made it because we had a purpose. We wanted to see Guru Rinpoche’s special caves on his birthday.

Having a purpose in the back of our minds made the difficult trek easier. Each step had a purpose and each hardship became part of something more meaningful. It was not hardship for the sake of hardship, it had a deeper purpose for us.

Half way up the hill it struck me how important this sense of purpose is for accomplishing difficult taks.

This is especially true for the workplace.

So the first lesson from India for you all is about finding your sense of purpose at work. Why do you go to work every morning? It can’t just be for the money. It has to be something deeper and more satisfying. Something that can keep you going when the times get tough.

If you have a good purpose you will find it easier to reach your goal, endure hardships and make it to the top. And then you will see a view like this…

The vew from the top of the mountain

How to Stop Procrastinating and Get Things Done Now

photo credit: Symic

Nothing is so fatiguing as the eternal hanging on of an uncompleted task. – William James

It’s midyear exam time for students around the world. I thought I’d do a post on procrastinating to hopefully help some of them out. If you know someone studying at the moment why not email them this article as a friendly reminder to work harder!

Procrastination is the art of putting things off until later. Many people are notorious procrastinators; their entire life is wasted putting off projects until a later time. The thing about procrastination is that is causes stress and anxiety. When we don’t get things done right away we think about it over and over again. In this post I am going to talk about how to beat procrastination and get things done now.

Why do we procrastinate?

Before you can solve any problem you need to know the cause of the problem. It is like treating a disease. If you do not know what causes the disease there is no way to find a cure. Procrastination is the same. We need to know what causes people to behave like this. Once we know that we can attack the cause instead of running around trying to deal with every symptom that procrastination causes.

Many psychologists belive that people procrastinate as a way to cope with the stress that is associated with beginning a new task. This makes good sense. If you have a major thesis due it is much easier to find excuses as to why not to start writing than it is to make a plan, do research, write a draft, etc.

I have noticed that I do this many times during a day. For example, if I have just had a half an hour off work to have lunch I will put off going back to work for as long as I can. If I really think about this behavior it is probably because I am avoiding the stress of starting work again.

Psychologists cite a whole host of others reason as to why we procrastinate. Some say it is a fear of big tasks while other say it is about not wanting to interrupt the natural flow of life with “less meaningful” tasks. Others say it is a form of laziness. Still others say it is about impulsiveness meaning that the person gives in to every little impulse thus never getting around to starting those big important ones.

However, I believe there is one bigger cause. [Read more…] about How to Stop Procrastinating and Get Things Done Now

Office Arguments: Is Your Viewpoint Making Things Worse?

photo credit: philippe leroyer

After a few token pleasantries my friends start complaining about office arguments and work politics every single time I see them. The funny things is, I often think that their inability to let go of their viewpoint is just making things worse.

I have thought about this a lot lately because it seems to me that almost everyone is having arguments and disagreements at work. My mother hates the firm’s accountant. My father disagrees with his partner. My brother isn’t getting paid enough.

The thing that interests me the most is that no one is trying to develop any strategies to deal with these issues in the long term. I am guilty of it as much as anyone. I often find myself stooping to the level of talking behind people’s back and gossiping instead of doing something useful with the situation.

I have wanted to write about this issue for a long time so in this post I want to look at:

how to tell if your viewpoint is making things worse
how to let go of an opinion you have held for a long time
some viewpoints that always seem to make it worse

How to tell if your viewpoint is making things worse

When we get in an argument at work the first thing we always think is that we are right and the other person is wrong. We hold on to our views so tightly and do not want to let them go.

But why? What does this accomplish? Surely we have those views in the first place because we feel that they are correct and true and just and are going to make us happy. But if the office argument is getting worse because we will not let go of our dogma then maybe they are not as effective as we first thought.

Letting go
One way to tell whether your viewpoint is making matters worse is to look at your mind and see if you are able to “let go” easily. If you carry around the anger and the resentment all day and then further on into the week then chances are your view is making things worse and needs to be reassessed.

Length of the argument
Another way to tell whether your opinions and views are making things worse is to be aware of how long the argument lasts. If you are able to talk to the person about the issue and make some progress then perhaps your view is logical and valid. However, if the argument lasts for many days then something is wrong.

How to let go of a view you have had for a long time

Here is the problematic issue – what if your view is “correct” and the other person just doesn’t want to admit it? What if there are cultural issues that prevent you or the other person from seeing things in a different light? This makes things more tricky. However, it is important to try and be as open as possible. Be open to the fact that even though something might be true to you it might not be true for someone else.

If you are really struggling to let go of your view and really want to fight for it there is one simple test that you can apply – is it hurting anyone. This is the one thing that you can fall back on when debating whether your view is correct or not. If it is hurting people in the short term or long term then it is time to let go.

Letting go of long held views is not an easy thing. Some people hold on to their opinions as much as a murderer holds on to the story that he is innocent. It seems that we place some of our selves in our opinions and we think that if we lose them we will lose a part of us.

But where are these opinions? Where do they exist? Have we formulated them based on logic or emotion or because that’s what our parents thought? Do they live in our brains or in our hearts or somewhere else? When we die where do they go? Do they have a shape or a color? When I look at my opinions and viewpoints in this way (when I am really angry) I realize that they don’t really exist as solidly as I would like and it gives me some space to consider the other persons standpoint.

Changing your perspective

photo credit: OrangeLimey

Letting go of viewpoints that you have had for a long time is mostly about shifting your perspective and trying to see things from another point of view. In some cases this will be the hardest thing in the world to do, especially when you are charged up on emotion and angry because of what the other person has said or done. But if you can shift your perspective in this situation it will be quite easy when you try to do it when you are calm.

One of the simplest and best ways to shift your perspective is to just place yourself in the other person’s shoes. How are they feeling? Why are they feeling that way? Are they perhaps unwell? Even go far back and think about how they were brought up, where they went to school and what they have had happen to them in their life. Doing this is a great way to shift your perspective and open yourself up to the possibility that your viewpoint isn’t the only one.

Some viewpoints that always seem to make things worse

Here are a few things I have done, seen done or heard about that always seem to make things worse.

They are just wrong and I am completely right
They have no idea what they are talking about
I am right because I have more experience/qualifications
I’ll get back at him/her one day
I’ll make his/her life miserable by…
I’ll show them how much they’ve hurt me by being angry whenever they’re around
I’ll tell everyone how horrible he/she is
Etc.

How often does your viewpoint make arguments worse? Are you prepared to let go to help the situation?

Accepting Defeat: How to Deal With Defeat Like a Professional

Everyone fails. Michael Jordan, Oprah, you, me. Everyone. The difference between regular people and great people is how they deal with the defeat. In this post I want to look at how to deal with defeat like a professional.

See defeat as a positive

“Defeat should never be a source of discouragement but rather a fresh stimulus.” – Robert South.

This is not always easy to do but it is one of the most common things that famous, rich, great and successful people cite when asked about how they got to where they are. They all say they see defeat as a positive.

When you see defeats as a positive you are opening yourself up to the fact that you still have a lot to learn. It won’t drag you down and you will move on from the event to bigger and brighter futures.

See defeat as inevitable

“It is inevitable that some defeat will enter even the most victorious life. The human spirit is never finished when it is defeated…it is finished when it surrenders.” – Ben Stein

The next thing you need to do is realize that no matter who you are, what industry you are in and how good you are at what you do you are always going to experience some defeats. It might not happen every day but it will happen. No one in the world has lived their whole life without ever being defeated at what they do.

When you see it as being inevitable you are preparing yourself subtly for when it happens. This way you will not be surprised and you will be able to gather yourself quickly and effectively.

See defeat as a learning opportunity

“I learned much more from defeat than I ever learned from winning” – Anonymous

When asked how he got so good at boxing Muhammad Ali replied that for three seconds after making every mistake he thought about it, re did the move and then moved on. This is smart. [Read more…] about Accepting Defeat: How to Deal With Defeat Like a Professional

Is Greatness Born or Made? Can Anyone Become Great if They Put Their Mind to it?

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?” – Nelson Mandela

Americans have the strong belief that if they put their minds to it they can achieve anything. But is this really true? Could your average Joe play pro ball with Mike or take on Warren Buffet in an earnings race? I am not so sure.

In this post I want to take a look at whether greatness is born or made. Is the belief that anyone can achieve anything they want really true? I am going to weigh up BOTH sides of the argument. Perhaps after that you could leave your comments and let me know what you think. An advanced warning – this post has a lot of opinions and very little facts! I am writing more for my own personal interest than anything else.

Greatness is Born: The Arguments

First I want to start off with the idea that greatness is born and not made. There is plenty of evidence to support this side of the argument. Some of it you can find on Youtube.

The first video is of a violin prodigy. Watch the finger movement and the superb control. This guy is only 12. Seeing something like this leads me to believe that true greatness is born because no matter how many hours some of us put in we would never been that good in that amount of time. Check it out:

Now I want to show you a video of a young boy who was on Ellen recently. This kid saw a dancing movie and thought he might like to copy it. The result is some amazing dancing. By anyone’s standard. Again, this leads me to believe that talent and greatness are somehow born within some people and cannot be learned. Myself, as a white male, could never dance as well as this kid. Take a look.

Now take a look at a two year old Tiger Woods. I know a lot of people say that his father made him practice a lot and that he was pushed very hard to become great. But he is two! How many two year olds do you know that can hit a golf ball like this?

Then there is the example of people like Martin Luther King Jr., Muhammad Ali, Michael Jordan, Kennedy, Gandhi, etc. These people are born with “something” that other people do not seem to have. It might be a charisma or a look in their eye. It might be the way they look or their ability to speak powerful words. Whatever it is it seems as though it is something that cannot be developed. You either have it or you don’t.

Many people (including some scientists) think that greatness, ability, talent, skill, etc. are born into people. They think that only a select few people with perfect genetics and predisposed qualities can rise to be something great. This means that not everybody could be as good as Michael Jordan or as smart as Albert Einstein.

Greatness is Made: The Arguments

Now lets take a look at the arguments that greatness is NOT born in a person but acquired through determination, training and perseverance. There are some good arguments to be made for this side of things.

The major argument is this. No body was ever actually born great. Bill Gates was not born as the CEO of Microsoft. Michael Jordan was not born into the Chicago Bulls. Bruce Lee was not born knowing all those moves. All of these people had to train and work hard. None of them got to be great by sitting around on the couch all day.

Perhaps the question is not whether anyone can be great, it is whether anyone can do what it takes to be great. Some people are habitually lazy. Some people are afraid of trying new things or afraid of failing. These are the types of habits and concerns that great people simply do not have. They have excellent internal discipline and ways to deal with these disturbing thoughts when they arise. Remember, bravery is not the absence of fear, it is being afraid and doing it anyway. Great people are a lot like that.

Here are a few examples that greatness is made.

Oprah Winfrey

“In every aspect of our lives, we are always asking ourselves, How am I of value? What is my worth? Yet I believe that worthiness is our birthright.” – Oprah Winfrey

Oprah Winfrey started out with nothing. She had no father, was raped at age nine, at fourteen lost a baby in infancy and was sent away to a new city to live with a foster parent. Now she is the richest African American in the world, the most powerful woman in the world, has the most successful talk show in history and inspires millions of people on a daily basis.

Oprah is living proof that greatness is made. Greatness comes about through hard work and pushing through adversity.

Gandhi

“Be the change you wish to see in the world.” – Gandhi

Gandhi is a prime example of someone whose rise to greatness was solely because of the work he did in his lifetime. When he was trying to make a difference he staged protests. When he wanted people to pay attention he deprived his body of food until they listened. This man studied, meditated and worked until he got the results he wanted. He was continually trying to become a better man.

Lance Armstrong
Lance has had his whole body riddled with cancer and then come back and won more Tour de France races than anyone else. People have accused him of being a drug cheat but in the end I think there is one reason that Lance Armstrong is great. Hard work. Take a look at this inspiring video.

The Argument for Both and Why it Doesn’t Matter

In all honesty I think my personal position is a mixture of the two. I think that while anybody can become good at something they put their mind to, not all of them will turn out great. I think certain people are predisposed to certain activities. Some are natural leaders. Some are natural athletes. Some can do math sums in their head extremely fast. This gives them a massive advantage over the rest of us.

The tricky question is “why”? Why do some people have this natural ability and others don’t? Perhaps it is in the genetics and passed down from parent to child? This might be the case for certain sports people. Perhaps it is something to do with karma and how the particular person was in their previous lives? Perhaps it is to do with the early upbringing? I am not sure.

And in then end I don’t think it matters. I think the pursuit of greatness is completely hollow unless it is in order to help others. Do you ever ask yourself why you want to be different to who you are now? I ask myself this all the time and I still am not sure. It is almost like I’ve been brain washed. For so many years I have been told to do something great and wonderful that when I can’t achieve it I get anxious. I am stressed because I don’t feel like life is where it should be.

I think people (myself included) should start focussing on making other people happy instead of trying to make themselves better than everyone else. What do you think?

top image: photo credit: Mars Hill Church Seattle