With divorce comes the inevitable jumble of emotions that you can’t seem to sort out. From the moment the topic of divorce is brought up, the emotions start raging. When you and your spouse start the process with a divorce lawyer – and all throughout the proceedings – everything will even become more tangled; and after everything’s said and done, those emotions will continue ebb and flow.
It may even seem that you can’t see yourself getting back up, much less being happy again.
You will keep analyzing, overthinking, and in all likelihood live a disrupted life that just doesn’t make sense to you. This will result in a feeling of being overwhelmed.
“I’m going to try anything to feel better.”
That’s a mindset that can go either way. You may find yourself going out every night to forget, and to tire yourself out so that when you come home, you just crash.
On the other hand, you may want to try this suggestion: look to meditation and mindfulness to deal with the aftermath of your divorce.
How exactly do you do this?
The essence of mindfulness is consciously choosing how to think and act. Consciously being the operative word.
In the context of divorce, here are some concrete steps to take.
1. Make a decision.
With all the emotional turmoil you are experiencing, how can you expect yourself to make a sensible decision? I’m telling you now, you will probably make a wrong turn or two, but one decision that will definitely be right is this: To take steps to see things from a different perspective, and believe that you WILL be better at some point.
That is a very broad statement, to be sure, but it is a start. Once you have made that decision to start sorting out your ragged emotional state, you can proceed to even more concrete actions that will ease the aftermath of divorce.
2. Start a meditation routine.
If you’ve got experience in meditation, then it should be a bit easier for you. You know how to calm yourself down and center yourself during those panicky moments when you feel overwhelmed.
If you’re new to meditation, start slowly.
First, begin your day by meditating. Don’t rush around to get things done. Instead, set aside a bit of time to gather your thoughts, calm yourself, and get ready for the day. Start in small increments – 5 minutes is enough.
Here is a good step-by-step guide for people who do not meditate.
Meditating doesn’t have to be limited to the start of the day. The chances are that you will feel those emotions rage in the middle of day, especially when you don’t expect it. When this happens, if you can find a quiet spot to meditate – even if only for 5-10 minutes – then do so.
3. Live by the day, even by the hour.
Sometimes, it’s by the minute. When my husband left me, often, I didn’t even know what I was going to eat for dinner – if I was going to eat at all. When I started to think about the next day, or anything further than that, I would get panic attacks so bad that I thought I would suffocate.
Then I realized that the only way to handle it was to take it slow. Just do what you can for the day. If that’s too much, do what you have to for the next hour. Once that’s done, go on to the next hour, and so on.
On bad days, that span of time could be by the minute!
My mantra back then was:
First do what you have to do,
then do what you are able to do.
Pretty soon, you’ll be doing what you want to do.
It wasn’t easy. It took a while. But being more aware of what I did each minute, each hour, and each day helped me get through the most difficult time of my life.
Remember: Meditation and mindfulness can ease the burden of a divorce or separation.
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Originally posted on February 20, 2015 @ 8:30 am