Last week, we talked about how ego can be harming your relationships. You may not be aware of it, but your ego may be getting in the way – or worse, actively destroying your relationships.

Hopefully, the preceding post has helped you in evaluating your relationships and whether your ego is getting in the way.

Today, let’s look at how to let go of ego in relationships and consequently improve them.

Understand your true self.

At the bottom of letting go of or controlling your ego is knowing your true self. What do you love most about yourself? What do you value most?

This is not easy and will take some time, but learn to understand and know your self-worth. Identify your core values and your goals.

Don’t let others get in the way of that, and you’ll realize that your ego need not be destructful.

Remember that you don’t have to be always right.

It’s okay to be wrong. No one is perfect.

Understanding your true self will help you realize that you cannot be right in every situation. There will always be situations where you make a wrong call, have a wrong attitude, or simply on the wrong side. Learn to discern these situations, and don’t be afraid to admit that you are wrong.

It might be difficult in the beginning, but being able to admit when you’re wrong gives a sense of freedom.

Overcome the need to be better than everyone else.

An ego out of control leads you to think that you are better than everyone else. That you are superior in every way.

Just like remembering that you don’t have to be right all the time, understand that your need to be superior to everyone around you does not have to be.

There will always be someone better, more beautiful, smarter, faster. From infanthood to adulthood, this has always been the case.

The sooner you realize that you cannot – and should not feel obligated to – be better than others, the sooner you can mend and improve your relationships.

Instead of competing with others in this way, why not think of making yourself better instead? Focus on how you can improve yourself, and your relationships will fall into place.

Practice tolerance and determine not to be easily offended.

A huge ego is easily offended, which can easily lead to arguments and even a falling out. In order to let go of your ego, you have to consciously practice tolerance and make it a point to make “being offended” the last thing on your mind.

This does not mean that you put aside your sense of self-worth. Instead, it is creating a mindset that people may be different from you and have different ways of expressing themselves. It is NOT thinking that everyone is out to get you or insult you. It is truly knowing what and who you are.

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." – Eleanor Roosevelt Click To Tweet

Practice contentment.

Just as you can set your mind to being more tolerant and not being offended easily, you can set your mind to being content with what you have. Having this mindset can help you cover all of the points above. Knowing that you have what you need – and that most other things are superfluous – will help you be more open to what others have to say and understand how they behave.

Your turn

How has your ego been harming you and your relationships? Do you think the points above can help you let go of your ego? What are other things you can do to let go of your ego?

Also read: Why Are Relationships So Hard?

We’ve all learned about the ego at some point in our education. Even informal education always touches upon the ego. Movies, books, TV shows, and conversations with others – these all bring up the topic of the ego at one point or another.

But what exactly is the ego?

The ego is our identity, an identity that we create ourselves. Taking into account all of our beliefs regarding our personality, capabilities, talents, failures, incapabilities, etc. makes up our ego.

As such, the ego is considered to be a false identity. It does not truly define who and what we are.

While it does play a role, it can be harmful in many ways. In this post, we’ll take a look at a specific aspect of life and how your ego may be harming it.

How your ego can be harming your relationships

If your ego gets too big, out of control, then it certainly will do your relationships no good. Whether it’s your relationship with your life partner, with your parents or siblings, with your friends, or with your colleagues, it doesn’t matter.

The result will be a falling out unless you make some changes.

Read the following ideas, and take a long hard look at yourself and your relationships.

1. You don’t recognize when you’re wrong.

There is something about the ego that makes you think that you are beyond reproach. That you are perfect. You might not admit that to others. You might even often say that you’re not perfect, but deep inside, you may be thinking quite the opposite.

If this is how you see yourself, you will never realize it when you are wrong, much less admit it. Can you imagine your relationships working out if you’re always right, and it’s always the others’ fault?

2. You see yourself as better than others.

Thinking that you are perfect leads to another idea: you are better than everyone else around you.

The situation is similar to the previous point. You may never admit that you think you are better than your friends – and everyone else, for that matter – but you are probably thinking that in your head. You think you know more about everything than others.

Even if you don’t consciously verbally express this opinion, your body language and tone when speaking will ultimately reveal the ego at its worst.

You will come across as having lack of respect for others. You will sound condescending. And yes, this will harm your relationships.

3. You don’t listen.

If you think you are always right and that you are better than other people, then the chances are you don’t really listen to what others are saying.

For example, if you and your partner are having a discussion, it may be that you are only listening for the sake of replying and not to understand at all. After all, you know you’re right and he/she isn’t, yes?

While you continue living in your own world, you’re irritating, isolating, and pushing away the people around you by not listening to what they have to say.

4. You take what you have for granted.

With a big ego comes the idea of “I am the important one.” This can easily lead to disregarding people who care for you and whom you care for. While you may not intentionally want to harm your relationships, you probably take them for granted.

They’re there for you when you need help. Of course they should be there! After all, you’re that important to them, right?

They need a small favor from you. How dare they be upset if you can’t do it? You are a very busy person, don’t they understand that?

Reflection

Now pause for a while, and think about the above four points. Do they apply to you? Be totally honest with yourself.

If at least one does apply, it is time to make changes. That is, if you want to keep your relationships intact.

In the next post, we will talk about how to let go of your ego, so stay tuned.

Related reading: How To Control The Ego At Work