Divorce is one of the ugly realities of life. The pain and anguish are intense even for the one initiating it, more so if the split is contentious and involves property and child issues or infidelity. It is also a complicated litigation process. Emotions are high and the battle for child support and custody, and division of assets is mentally draining. Then there is the anxiety of facing life alone again and wondering if you can adapt to the changes in financial and social circumstances. [Read more…] about 5 Ways to Rebuild your Life and Be Happy Post-Divorce
Are You Giving Too Much of Yourself in Your Relationships?
This article is primarily for women, as studies show that the female species are more inclined to take on prosocial behavior (selflessness) than men. In relationships with your partner, parents and friends, do you feel that you are giving too much of yourself? [Read more…] about Are You Giving Too Much of Yourself in Your Relationships?
How to Practice Mindfulness in Online Dating
Online dating has become a widespread activity among men and women. But just like in the traditional dating styles, there are principles of behavior to live by, if you want to find a decent partner worthy of your love and respect.
Men, especially, are not very mindful of how they present themselves to women and repeat the same actions that turn off the opposite sex. Women, on the other hand, have become more discerning and can filter out the misfits and creeps among the lot.
Mindfulness in online dating sounds contradictory. The goal of finding someone you can hit it off with lead to people lying about their physical attributes, skills, interests and a lot more. Here are tips for men to practice mindfulness when you sign up in the real dating sites.
Create a mindful online dating profile.
Be honest when creating your profile. You want to have a profile that will stand out without laying every bit of information on the internet. Make your profile interesting to catch the right kind of attention and women. But be mindful of your online security and don’t reveal too much about yourself that could put you at risk.
Keep your description truthful and specific, and avoid the clichés. When you show your hobbies and interests in a forthright but appealing manner, you will invite the right connection and retain enough mystery to hold their curiosity.
Upload some pictures of yourself. Professor of Psychology Benjamin Le of Haverford College agrees that physical attraction is important for a potential relationship to move to the next level. And with online dating, that primary attraction starts with pictures.
A too common mistake for both sexes is posting photos of themselves in their much younger years, minus the beer bellies and wrinkles that are now conspicuous in person. Or pictures that have been photoshopped to the point of being unrecognizable from the real you.
Don’t overcrowd your account with too many pictures of yourself in different poses, attires and occasions. It will give out the impression of superficiality and shallowness. A few good quality images should be sufficient to give women a peek into your personality. Avoid pictures that show you half-clad, unless you’re really a model for men’s underwear. Mindfulness is depth of character and does not unduly depend on physical attributes.
Be friendly without being overly familiar.
Be nice but don’t cross the line. In online or traditional dating, being friendly puts the other person at ease. But overdoing it can be irritating. Listen to her with genuine interest. She is talking to a complete stranger she hasn’t met face to face.
Say something nice about her profile and ask about things that she has already mentioned, like her hobbies. If she likes books, ask her about her favorite authors. Or certain foods if she’s into culinary arts. Don’t probe into her personal life unless she opens up first, as it could be unsettling and make her uncomfortable. Strike a balance by showing sincere interest but not prying too deeply.
If she asks about you, take the time to form an answer that won’t make you come out as a know-it-all. Be humble. Have a sense of humor but don’t make fun of anything at her expense.
If you sign up on a dating site in USA, imagine going into a bar and striking up a conversation with a random person. The same rules of behavior apply. Mindfulness in online dating is being aware of the other person, listening to what she’s saying and understanding her. Instead of trying to think up smart and witty things to say, focus on her and be authentic about it.
Follow these tips and you will find that online dating done properly can lead to a lasting and happy relationship.
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4 Destructive Behaviors That Ruin a Relationship
Have you had a series of relationships that all ended badly? Were they all marked by emotional turbulence and a cycle of breaking up and making up? If you see a recurring pattern in all of your intimate affairs of the heart, maybe you shouldn’t be blaming lady luck but start looking inward, into your own behavior.
Destructive behaviors are not gender-specific. Men and women have them and they can bring down many a relationship more than infidelity or addiction. These actions and attitudes make for unhappy marriages or partnerships fraught with anxiety, depression, contempt and anger that cause physical and emotional distress.
[Read more…] about 4 Destructive Behaviors That Ruin a Relationship
How to Spot Toxic Narcissism in a Relationship
If you know your Greek mythology, you’ll know the story of how the abnormal love of his own self eventually killed Narcissus. Unfortunately, there are many living human Narcissuses in our midst today. You might even be in a relationship with one of them. Hence, it helps to know how to spot a person with toxic narcissism before he or she can totally destroy you.
To be fair, almost everyone has egoistic traits that are manageable and not at the level that meets the criteria for the personality disorder. But toxic narcissism is an altogether different matter. If you live with a narcissist, you’re in for a rollercoaster ride of emotions and in the long run, it’s going to have a disastrous effect on your self-image and the relationship.
“He that falls in love with himself will have no rivals.”
-Benjamin Franklin
Narcissists initially come across as charming and personable. Their self-confidence attracts people to them like bees to honey. But when their real character comes to the surface, the difficulty of dealing with them takes its toll on you. So how can you tell if someone is a narcissist? The truth is, you can’t right away. And sometimes the realization comes too late.
Based on the criteria used by the American Psychiatric Association for diagnosing Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD,) these types of personalities have:
- An exaggerated sense of self-importance
- A sense of entitlement
- Unrealistic thoughts of success, power, brilliance or beauty
- Lack of empathy
- The belief that they are special and unique
- A need for constant admiration from others
- Manipulative and exploitative behavior
- Envy of others or belief that others are envious of them
- An arrogant and haughty attitude
But psychologists and people who are in relationships with narcissists know there are other behaviors common to them that are not included in the APA standards. That’s narcissism and it’s not as severe as NPD. But that doesn’t make it any less easy to live with them. A relationship with a narcissist has no good side to it. It’s either you bail out early on or you stand up for yourself by learning the strategies for dealing with them. If you think you have a narcissist boss, parent, spouse or child, watch out for the following behaviors.
How to Spot Toxic Narcissism
- They have an exaggerated sense of self-importance that pushes them to magnify and lie about their achievements so that they feel they are better than other people, and they will be admired and looked up to.
- They have a sense of entitlement that they should receive better treatment than others and that their demands should be met without question.
- They lack empathy and are not concerned with others’ needs and feelings. Only their own needs are important to them.
- They do not respect boundaries because they do not recognize your rights. Boundaries refer to behavior, things they say or do to you that you feel is overstepping your personal lines. For example, they will demand to know your passwords or check your cell phone without asking permission. They will talk about a topic that is taboo to you or verbally abuse you. They expect to order you around and drop everything to cater to their needs.
- They are very sensitive to criticism. They see it as a negative evaluation of them or their performance, so they lie, change the topic or pretend to misunderstand.
- They burst out in rage if their views are challenged. Opposing perspectives expose their insecurities and incite their anger.
Counseling may help a narcissistic person by giving insight into his or her maladaptive behaviors and identifying more positive ways of relating to other people.
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