Getting over someone who was a significant person in your life is tough and painful, especially if you didn’t initiate the breakup or didn’t want the relationship to end. It becomes doubly difficult when there is no closure and you are left hanging, confused and wondering what went wrong, or why he left you. [Read more…] about Getting Over Someone: How to Find Closure
Most people fear vulnerability. We open ourselves up to disappointment, hurt, pain and rejection. Vulnerability also makes us look weak and needy, or worse, desperate and pathetic! We always want to portray ourselves as strong and independent, capable of being happy and successful even without a man (or woman) by our side. And there’s nothing wrong with that.
But if we’re in a relationship, the walls we build around ourselves, the distancing from our partner, and the closing off of authentic feelings will eventually have disastrous effects on us and our bond with our partner.
The fear of vulnerability usually comes from previous traumatic experiences in childhood that have caused us much pain. But even adults who grew up in warm and loving households learn to shield themselves when they have gone through a tempestuous intimate relationship that left them trampled on, spurned and deeply hurt.
Most times, we are vulnerable, but we take great pains to hide it. We want to be in control and being vulnerable is a sign that we are not as powerful as we want to be. We don’t want to risk revealing our true emotions because when things go wrong, the wounds cut more deeply than if we had maintained an aloof and invincible demeanor.
But in doing so, we are actually missing a lot of opportunities to form closer ties and raise the quality of our relationship. We increase our risk for physical and mental conditions, such as hypertension, heart problems, anxiety and depression. Our overall happiness and satisfaction level is not as high as it should be.
Related reading: 15 Quotes About Rejection that Will Give You Strength
Dr. Brene Brown, an expert on vulnerability, is an advocate for this much maligned and misunderstood human quality. According to her, “vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy and creativity…” To learn to be vulnerable and begin opening ourselves up and risk rejection and uncertainty, here are some myths that must be dispelled:
Vulnerability is a sign of weakness. And because we want to be seen as strong, we walk away from a relationship out of fear of being hurt. Being vulnerable is a sign of courage instead, when we are willing to take the risk by showing our true self, and determining if the relationship still has meaning to our life.
We have the choice to avoid vulnerability. The truth is, life itself is vulnerable. We may fake our nonchalance, but we can’t run away from vulnerability. We pretend a brave front and only cry when we’re alone.
Vulnerability is being a drama queen and acting out. It’s not. Ironically, it’s having boundaries and trust that enables us to be vulnerable.
In lieu of vulnerability, we can choose to be alone and independent. Man is a social being and while it is possible to be alone, without a partner or close friends, our life will be lonely and sad.
So, how does vulnerability strengthen our relationship?
- We are comfortable revealing our genuine self. We can be honest and candid. When we don’t have to hide behind a mask all the time, we become happier and more content, making our relationships better.
- We are open to help from others. In return, we also learn how to help others, and this cultivates empathy and compassion, which extends to our partner.
- Our chances of living a more authentic life is enhanced and this allows us to find our spiritual dimension and forge deeper connection with our partner. In this respect, vulnerability is courage, fortitude and resilience, not weakness.
The Warning Signs of Disconnection and How to Reconnect with Your Partner
Healthy boundaries in your relationship are the limits you set on what is and is not acceptable behavior from your partner. They pave the way to mutual respect, understanding, support, and caring – essential elements for strong and enduring love. On the other hand, weak or nonexistent boundaries open you up to exploitation, abuse, hurt, and a damaged self-esteem. [Read more…] about Healthy Boundaries You Should Set in Your Relationship
In a relationship, could you be confusing commitment with attachment? You’re proud of your commitment to your partner. So you don’t bail out when they’re abusive or unfaithful. You change your usual behavior and keep silent on your opinions so as not to anger them. You know in your heart that the relationship couldn’t have lasted this long if you were not committed. [Read more…] about Commitment Or Attachment in a Relationship: Don’t Confuse One With The Other
There is an art to emotional detachment in a relationship to make it work for you. On the one hand, when you constantly tune out your partner during a conflict, you’re slowly chipping away at the ties that bind your relationship, and you’re caught unawares when it finally crumbles like a sand castle. Then again, emotional detachment can save you from unwelcome afflictive emotions, such as anger, hatred, envy and fear, because you are able to set boundaries, and step back and disconnect, thereby maintaining your calm and objectivity. [Read more…] about Emotional Detachment in a Relationship: How to Make It Work for You
Divorce is one of the ugly realities of life. The pain and anguish are intense even for the one initiating it, more so if the split is contentious and involves property and child issues or infidelity. It is also a complicated litigation process. Emotions are high and the battle for child support and custody, and division of assets is mentally draining. Then there is the anxiety of facing life alone again and wondering if you can adapt to the changes in financial and social circumstances. [Read more…] about 5 Ways to Rebuild your Life and Be Happy Post-Divorce