The Daily Mind

3 Things People Fear Most

Let’s face it – almost everyone has fears they wish they could conquer. Even the most successful people harbor some form of concern or anxiety even if they won’t admit it to themselves or to others. But facing your own fears could be one of the best and bravest things you can do for yourself. How else to find ways to overcome them if you won’t even admit they exist.

Grownups in particular are loathe to acknowledge their fears for fear of (no pun intended) being seen as weak. Here are three things people fear that are universal to all adults. Don’t be scared to see yourself having them, too. Now you know you’re not alone and hopefully, you can do something about them.

No. 1: Fear of getting old

Whether we like it or not, women are more afraid of getting old than men. If you’re female and looking at yourself in the mirror, you may wonder how you’ll look 10 or 20 years later. Will you be wrinkled and have graying hair? The natural course of time guarantees it but living a healthy lifestyle – eating well, being physically active and having a positive outlook – will keep you in great shape even at an old age. Add to that the wisdom gained from experiences and growing older doesn’t seem like such a bad thing anymore.

For some, plastic surgery is an option to stopping the years from showing. It’s a personal choice but looking too young for one’s age may also appear unnatural.

No 2: Fear of being lonely

Feeling lonely is different from being alone. It is also one of the common things people fear. Some people are alone by choice but most would rather have a partner to share their lives with. Man by nature is a social being; hence the need for company. But being lonely by force is not anymore an excuse not to meet people online. The internet has made a lot of things possible that were not heard of before.

These days, a lot of singles are online day and night. They are people like you also looking for someone to meet and talk to. It’s so simple. Look for the top dating site where lots of singles converge and find someone there.

No 3: Fear of change

When people reach a certain age, say 30, they may prefer constancy rather than venture into the unknown. Stability is a comfortable position to be in. It can also be very boring. But life can play tricks on us and things may happen that put you in a situation where you have to make a choice between dull predictability and excitement. Don’t be afraid to go for unexplored territory. Don’t spend the rest of your life telling yourself “what if…” Who knows what awaits you there. Take that leap of faith.

Here’s hoping you’ve been shaken out of your dreary comfort zone and are willing to try something new. Life is too short not to take a chance.

Originally posted on December 21, 2015 @ 2:59 am

What Your Clothes Style Say About You

“It is impossible to wear clothes without transmitting social signals. Every costume tells a story, often a very subtle one, about its wearer.” – Desmond Morris

Have you noticed how you feel more confident and self-assured when you are wearing clothes that you know you look good in and are comfortable? On the other hand, when you throw on drab and dowdy garb and go out, then see someone you know, don’t you just wish you could slink away unnoticed and unseen?

The issue of choosing outfits to wear isn’t as frivolous as what some people may think. Although they may not really define you as a person, they do influence other people’s opinion of you. Several studies have attested to the positive effect of dressing up. Good quality and well-fitting suits and dresses add to your confidence, credibility and competency. They give you an edge over competitors in job applications, land you that promotion and get you the best seats in the house.

Now that you know about the power of clothes, include them in your arsenal of weapons for success. New York style management icon David McKnight says the obstacles to improving your image through a wardrobe update are fear of change and fear of failure. These fears get you stuck in a rut and prevent you from trying different styles. To give you an insight on the clothing styles and the image you project through them, here are common perceptions that people have for certain fashion patterns.

You only wear designer brands.

Whether its casual denims and tees, polo shirts or dresses, designer labels bestow on the wearer a sense of importance and wealth. It also gives the impression that you value quality; hence, you are better than others. Conversely, overdoing the designer thing may have an adverse effect. You could be viewed as too shallow, flaunting your wealth, trying too hard to be noticed or hiding behind logos to mask your insecurity.

You wear only clothes that are of neutral colors.

Black, white, gray and brown are neutral colors. They convey safety and security. But too safe is boring. Men can get away with wearing neutral colors only. For women, it’s a different story. If you’re female and are never seen in other colors, you project an uninteresting, dull image. Or you’re stuck in your comfort zone, which is unattractive. Donning a splash of color with accessories transforms you into a more exciting woman.

For work, combine safe with fashionable. Invest in high quality classics like suits for men, separates for women and add accessories. There are many online stores that sell a wide selection of work clothes for men and women.

You don’t dress your age or you wear inappropriate clothes.

Not dressing your age is a tricky one because how would you know if you’re guilty of doing it, unless your spouse or best friend is bold enough to tell you. If in doubt, or you hear snickers and nasty comments when you pass by, research the topic on the internet and be guided accordingly. Definitely, leather minis, plunging necklines and sky-high heels are no-no’s for women over a certain age. So are Hello Kitty tees. Fashion rules for men are more tolerant. But a 50-plus male with a paunch who’s wearing a tight shirt and distressed denims is laughable, not sexy.

If you dress too young for your age, you may be caught in a time warp. You will also be perceived as looking for attention of the wrong kind or worse, desperate.

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Originally posted on November 6, 2015 @ 7:20 am

What Is Childhood Emotional Neglect And How It Affects Your Child

Childhood emotional neglect. It’s not something we hear about when talking of typical developmental childhood conditions. But it’s actually more common than we think, albeit less noticeable because the manifestations are not as alarming as, say, autism, ADHD or defiant behavior. Yet, CEN can lead to serious problems in adulthood, which we shall enumerate in this article.

Parents who learn about emotional neglect in childhood often wonder what they have done that resulted in CEN. Dr. Jonice Webb, a clinical psychologist, defines the condition as the effect of a parent’s failure to respond enough to a child’s emotional needs. When your kid comes home from school looking sad or upset and you don’t bother to ask what happened, or the pet dog died and you did not comfort him, those are examples of emotional neglect. Done often enough, it has a cumulative effect that exhibits itself later in life, from the teen years to adulthood.

Parents are often too busy to take notice of their child’s feelings. Or if they do, they ignore them or read something else into the child’s high-strung or defiant behavior. True, they provide for the physical and educational needs of their offspring and the children grow up medically healthy and finish school. But there’s less talking, sharing of experiences and bonding over meals and short vacations. The child ends up feeling distant and unloved. He learns to inhibit himself from others and repress his emotions in the absence of a positive response from his parents.

The Insidious Effects of Childhood Emotional Neglect

Depression

Depression affects 20% of teens in the United States, regardless of gender, social status, race and other demographics. A study by psychologists at Leiden University in the Netherlands found that the primary cause of depression in later life is emotional neglect, exemplified by lack of attention, empathy and support from their parents or guardian.

Addictive behavior

Although child sexual, physical and emotional abuse are key factors that contribute to substance addiction, habitual indifference to a child’s feelings also lead to addictive behavior. Trauma in childhood has been linked to a person’s predisposition to addiction. Trauma in its broad sense is stress that may be physical or emotional from which a person cannot remove himself. CEN stems from a parent’s chronic lack of attention, which is a traumatic situation for a child.

Pervasive sense of unhappiness and discontent

A child who grows up emotionally neglected often becomes an unhappy and discontented adult. He or she may have a good family and a great well-paying job but there’s an unexplainable emptiness in his or her life. Often, the unhappy adult feels he has not reached his true potential and compares himself with others more successful than he is. This “grass is greener” outlook leads to constant job hopping, believing the perfect job is yet to come. It can also lead to unstable relationships, especially with a significant partner.

Unhappiness also comes from a learned technique in childhood of suppressing one’s own needs yet meeting the needs of others. He presents a cheerful face and is thought of as a caring and thoughtful person but deep inside, the unhappiness lingers.

Childhood emotional neglect is not easily evident and so has the tendency to remain unchecked. Parents who are aware of the disorder and wish to avoid doing it to their own kids can use the following approaches:

When your child is sad, angry or upset, do not give a general assurance that everything will be alright. You are not addressing the problem nor showing you understand his emotions. Instead, ask your child what happened and identify what his specific feelings are toward the incident.
After knowing the cause of his emotions (for ex., anger,) poke and find out what he is angry about. If he got into a fight at school, was he angry at his opponent for upsetting him, or angry at himself for being humiliated? When you know what the underlying cause of the feeling is, you are better able to offer appropriate support.
Show sympathy. Show your child that you support him and understand what he’s going through. Reassure him that no matter what happens, you’ll be there for him.
Teach him to let go of control. The child must realize early on that he cannot control everything and that it should not be a source of frustration or anger. Train him to be accepting of events and other people’s behaviors.

How to Cope With the Sudden Death of a Loved One

Although we all know that death is inevitable, it still doesn’t stop the mourning that follows the dying of a loved one. Impending death from a lingering illness and death that comes suddenly may cause the same level of grief for the people left behind. But the difference lies in how they cope with the loss.

When a person dies unexpectedly, it takes the family and friends by surprise. Sudden and unanticipated death may be caused by an accident, suicide, accidental shooting or murder, and certain medical conditions. Unlike the dying of someone who has been sick for a long time, the shock and bewilderment of people left behind in a sudden death are so acute and intense that the coping capacity is greatly impaired. The overwhelming grief of the parent or life partner can affect them to such a great extent that functioning is significantly diminished.

Bereaved survivors are plagued by feelings of despair, numbness, anger, guilt for still being alive and often an immeasurable sense of yearning that strikes any time. These feelings persist longer and are more intense than the emotions that assail the normal grieving person. There were no goodbyes and no more chance to do or say anything you would have wanted to, to the dead one. In the dual process model of coping with grief, the individual swings between loss-oriented responses and restoration activities to learn how to accept the reality and live life without the beloved. The back and forth seesaw creates a balance that enables the grieving person to cope with the sudden death of a loved one, reenter the daily normalcy of living grounded in reality.

It helps to know what to do in dealing with the unexpected death of a loved one, for one’s self and for learning how to help others who may go through it.

Allow yourself to grieve to be able to cope with sudden death.

Mourn by crying and thinking about your beloved who has passed away. By going through the process, you will learn to accept the reality of your loss.

Get psychotherapy if you feel it’s necessary and will help.

Seek out a support group where you can share experiences and hear about other people’s own agony.

If you belong to a religious community, perform the rituals and traditions of your faith and seek spiritual guidance from your church.

Maintain communication with your close friends whose shoulders you can cry on when the going gets rough.

Engage in restoration activities.

Although you are still in prolonged grief, keep in mind that life has to go on even in the absence of your dear one. Restoration activities give you a reality check and having to focus on day to day activities keep you from brooding over your tragic loss.

Get physical. Go to the gym regularly or take 30-minute long walks frequently. Aside from the benefits on your body’s health, physical activities release brain chemicals that help combat the depression and anxiety that come with grief.

Learn new skills. Budgeting finances, cooking, minor house repairs are useful skills to have, especially if you were dependent on your partner for them. The internet has many free courses, or enroll in a community class and make new acquaintances on the side.

Take care of your physical and mental well-being. Get enough sleep and eat healthy. Don’t tire yourself out and avoid turning to alcohol and drugs to get relief.

Don’t isolate yourself totally. Join social activities to keep your mind off your loss, even if only temporarily.

The sudden demise of a loved one can turn your world upside down, and there’s no denying that that someone is gone forever. But it can also make you aware of what’s important in life and not get lost in the trivialities.

What Is Holistic Detox And How Can It Cleanse Your Body Naturally

Detoxification is a form of body cleansing that has become a requirement for most people, especially those who are concerned about their health. The body is assaulted daily by a multitude of toxins from various sources. Getting rid of these poisonous substances will improve one’s physical and mental well-being. But the glut of information about detox types and methods can be confusing, it discourages some from going through with it.

Detox should not be taken lightly, particularly if you are not familiar with the subject matter. Cleansing diet fads sprout out from so-called health and fitness experts and trying them out mindlessly can do more harm than good.

How Holistic Detox Can Cleanse Your Body Naturally

Not all toxin purging processes are bad, though. There’s holistic detox, a total body detoxification that makes use of natural and organic food that have been proven to benefit the biological and cognitive systems. It is systematic, involving all the organs, and, unlike three-day crash diets, it lasts for an extended period of time. Because it uses only natural ingredients and methods, it is safe for people who do not have heart conditions, diabetes and other mineral deficiencies. Pregnant women should also abstain from all kinds of detoxification.

Holistic detox purges harmful chemicals from your body, gets rid of artery-clogging fats and is an effective weight loss method. It makes you feel more energetic and in control of your life, less stressed and improves your overall appearance and well-being. Your body is toned, teeth are whiter, your skin fairer and hair more lustrous. Traditional Chinese Medicine and Ayurveda are Eastern practices that you can use safely and naturally to cleanse and nourish your body.

TCM and Ayurveda believe that removing bad elements from the body and replacing them with nourishing, healthful ones should be an integrative process. Eastern medicine employs detox methods that are non-traditional in the Western sense, in that it involves practices other than food. Although there are different ways of detoxifying using TCM and Ayurveda, the following are their fundamental guides. Because it is a holistic approach, the physical, mental and spiritual systems are purged of bad elements and impurities. Follow these steps and gradually make them your lifetime habits.

Eat only organic, whole and fresh food.

Avoid processed and canned meat and fish, sweetened beverages and junk food. The liver will benefit from food such as wheat-grass, dandelions, carrots, celery, lemon, beets and spices like turmeric, cayenne, cumin and rosemary. Flush out intestinal bad bacteria with organic apple cider vinegar, aloe vera juice and don’t forget to drink 8 – 10 glasses of distilled water every day.

Avoid alcohol for four consecutive days during the detox period.

Spend time outdoors daily to exercise, meditate and breathe fresh air.

Sleep at least eight hours every night. Switch off all lights and electronic devices.

Avoid gossip and people with negative auras.

Have sex. It is energizing and relaxing at the same time, lessens stress and makes you more cheerful.

Harmful Effects of Detox Diets

It depletes the body of vitamins and minerals, lowering your immune system and making you more susceptible to diseases and infections.

Fasting from protein leads to muscle breakdown which can cause cramps, feelings of fatigue and weakness, lethargy and more serious consequences like kidney failure and blood clots.

Body cleansing diets that make use of laxative foods and juices cause dehydration, headaches, irritability and other unpleasant sensations.

Sham detox can interfere with your body’s blood sugar level, potassium and sodium levels and is dangerous especially for people with heart and endocrine conditions.

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Originally posted on May 29, 2015 @ 1:04 am

Why You Shouldn’t Be An Absent Father And How To Avoid Being One

The typical father of earlier generations was seen as the breadwinner and the disciplinarian. He may be an absent father in the sense that he worked all day and only came home at night. This is true both in the Eastern and Western hemispheres. The traditional father figure in China, for example, is one who can be trusted to provide for the family’s needs and the new-age dad who gets involved in child-rearing is seen by older Chinese men as weak and effeminate.

But times have changed. Modern women choose to have children without marrying the fathers. The absent father is now defined as those who are not married to the mothers of their kids and those who are divorced. Divorce too is accepted and allowed in almost all countries. In other words, we are talking about fathers who are physically absent from the home on a regular basis.

While unhealthy relationships should not be continued only for the sake of the children nor should pregnancy be a reason for a couple to marry, it is also true that kids who grow up without a father around generally are more problematic than those who have a good father figure to guide them.

The Negative Effects of an Absent Father on Children

They have more likely to have emotional and behavioral problems.

They are more aggressive than children in two-parent households and are three times more likely to have problems with friendships. They are prone to exhibit more antisocial behavior.

Boys are more hostile towards adults and other children and destructive of property.

They are at higher risk for depression and low self-esteem, and are more irresponsible.

They do not do as well in school as children who are living with both parents.

Children who grow up without a father figure fare worse in tests on reading, mathematics and thinking skills. They have difficulty with teacher-student relationships and get poorer grades. But children living with biological fathers, stepfathers and single fathers do better in academics than fatherless kids.

They have an increased risk for getting involved in crimes and getting themselves in jail.

A study of juvenile offenders showed that most of them live in mother-only households. Teenagers also have a 25% higher chance of committing offenses.

They are more likely to become parents themselves at an early age and have higher chances for divorce.

Girls who grow up without a father figure have a higher chance of teen pregnancy and early marriage while boys become fathers by the age of 22.

They are more likely to start smoking and drinking alcohol earlier than children in two-parent households. They are also more likely to do drugs.

Children who grow up without their fathers start smoking at 15 and 16 years old, drinking alcoholic beverages at 16 and 18 years old, and twice as likely to have tried drugs at 15 years of age.

They have more health problems.

Children from one-parent homes suffer more from obesity, asthma, headaches, gastrointestinal problems and have lower immune systems than their peers living with both mother and father.

They are more likely to be poorer in their adult lives.

Children without fathers are poorer as adults. They have less employment opportunities because of lower educational achievements and poorer psychosocial skills.

How to Solve the Father Absence Issue

Unless legal issues are involved, the solution to father absence is easier. Fathers who are not living with the mothers of their children because they are not married or are divorced from their wives should reach out and develop a good relationship with the mothers so that they are allowed more involvement in raising their child. In divorce cases, shared parenting should be the goal and the child’s needs should be the priority so that parent absence is minimized as much as possible and children grow up in homes that mimic a two-parent arrangement.

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Marisol