You Deserve It: Why You Must Give Yourself Time to Heal (and How to Do It)

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Living in this day and age has slowly made us believe we can have anything we want, whenever we want it. Groceries delivered in the middle of the night, video calls with someone ar the other end of the earth for free, an instant answer to any question at the touch of a fingertip.

And while technology has certainly sped up our lives, or bodies and minds are still made of that extraordinary fabric they were always made of – and they don’t move at light speed.

We often expect ourselves to get better faster, to get back on our feet almost instantly, to cope better. After all, that’s what modern society demands of us – to show up no matter what, and be fine all the time.

Read: Coming to Terms with Grief: How to Heal Yourself

What inevitably happens in all that hustle is that we lose touch with ourselves, and forget to give ourselves the time we need. To get over a breakup, to get over a loss, to get over a betrayal – we want to be able to flip a switch and be done with it.

The quality that is patience

Remember that good old saying “the best things in life are hard to obtain”? Well, the best things in life also take time. As do a lot of less good things, to be perfectly honest.

Healing is a process for a reason – you are meant to go through it gradually and feel it all the way through. Not just be able to yank a piece of your heart out, and be done with a chapter in your life. Living is about learning, and learning takes a fair bit of time.

Read: Why and How to Be Still

And while time may seem to be moving at its slowest when you’re hurting, the patience you can learn to cultivate is an excellent way to get in touch with yourself in a new way. To learn acceptance and find a new peace with yourself.

How we react to the things that life throws at us will determine the life we have. If we never feel the bad stuff, how can we ever hope to grow? And without growth, can we even claim to be human?

The quality that is time

We also say “time can heal any wound,” and while that’s partly true (because there will forever be some wounds that refuse to turn into scars), knowing what to do with this time can be the tricky part.

Here is how you can give yourself the time you need to heal:

  • Accept it has happened. Whatever it is you’re trying to heal from, the first step to getting better is accepting the fact that is has happened. Don’t try to rewrite the past and leave no time for wishful thinking. It’s over. Now process it.
  • Write down your thoughts. Journaling is an excellent tool for cultivating personal growth, especially when you’re trying to heal your mind and soul. Bring a notebook with you everywhere you go, and jot down the thoughts that bother you the most. Once you externalize them, they will be easier to cope with.
  • Seek help. If you need to, explore alternative ways of coping with your emotions. Whether you’re reaching out to a therapist or a trusted friend, don’t expect anyone or anything to be able to help you faster. Healing is a process, and it won’t happen overnight. After all, you’re not trying to heal faster, only better.
  • Find what you can learn from the experience. Figure out why the thing has happened, and how you can prevent a similar pain from happening again, or how you can be better prepared to cope with it the next time around. This is a crucial step of the process – if you fail to learn, you’re missing out on an opportunity to become your better self.

As you go down your healing journey, remember to allow yourself to have bad days – and don’t run away from them. You are meant to be going through the tough times in order to be able to appreciate the good times. There is no light without dark, no good without evil, and so forth. Your current pain is only a pillar in your future happiness, so wear your scars with pride. Embrace it the best you can, and let it go when the time comes. 

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