I don’t know if you’re aware of it, but anger is a serious issue in our society today. Teens and adults alike suffer from anger management problems. Back in 2012 alone, a study found that 6 million teens in the US were affected with intermittent explosive disorder. Imagine if those teens didn’t get help! How would their lives be as adults?
The average person gets angry from time to time. That’s normal. It’s the frequency, the nature of the reaction, and how the person thinks when angry that makes the difference between “normal” anger and anger problems.
Speak when you are angry – and you’ll make the best speech you’ll ever regret. ~Laurence J. Peter
When you’re angry, you often don’t think about what you’re doing or saying. Something just goes off in your brain, and you are able to justify what’s happening – or how you’re behaving.
If you have issues with anger, take a look at these five incorrect assumptions that you may make when you’re angry. Thinking about them – while you’re not angry – may help you the next time you feel like exploding.
1. You have no choice or control.
When people are angry, excuses for their behavior are easy to find.
You may blame it on PMS. You may blame it on stress, work problems, or any other thing – except yourself. If this is the case, then how come other people who have the same problems/issues don’t blow their top like you do?
The reality: When you blow your top, you allow yourself to do so. Accept responsibility for that.
2. People know that didn’t mean what you said or did during your outburst.
When you explode in anger, you may say words that are hurtful. You may do things that you regret afterward. That’s okay, right? Your family and friends know that you didn’t mean it because you were angry.
The reality: This is an incorrect assumption. People – even your loved ones – don’t automatically know you didn’t mean all those things when you’re angry. They get hurt, and you have to reach out, explain, apologize, and make it up to them.
3. The best way to release anger is by exploding.
Being angry is like a pressure cooker that’s left on the stove without the valve blocked, right? An explosion is inevitable.
Nope. Just like a pressure cooker’s valve can be unblocked to let off steam, you can release that pressure of anger building up without having to explode.
The reality: Raging is one way to express anger, and it may even be necessary at times, but it usually leads to more destructive results. You need to learn how to control your anger and find more constructive ways to express it.
4. You should not tolerate being frustrated, and thus you get angrier.
Angry people think that frustration, anxiety, and even stress and fear should not be tolerated at all. These emotions should be shut down or let out – either way, the results are not good: anger just builds up without being addressed.
The reality: When you feel frustration building up, and you feel yourself getting angrier, take a moment. Think about the situation, and how you can handle it without blowing your top. If you’re already past that – blowing your top – then consider these words for the when you feel the next fit of rage starting. You can tolerate all those negative emotions, and you can avoid raging anger.
5. Winning an argument is everything.
When you’re angry, and you’re in the middle of a heated argument, you are probably focused only on one thing: making sure you win that round at all costs. You forget everything else – like the fall out.
The reality: Anger clouds your mind. It gives you bad judgement. You don’t have to win every time you’re involved in an argument. You don’t even have to have violent arguments in the first place. Next time, try to focus on having a more rational, calm discussion instead – without winning being your prime objective.