The Daily Mind - Making the Daily Grind Meaningful

Matters of the Mind: A Look into the Psychology of Meditation

The Daily Minder — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 00:52:56 +0000

photo credit: bidwiya

This is a guest post by Psychology student Brittany Miller from Rose Tinted Glass.

You’ve heard the popular mantra, you’ve seen the forms and know the behavior. It’s even prominent in the popular movie series Star Wars. Meditation is a mental discipline in which one “thinks” his or her way to a deep, relaxed state of awareness. How do we generate inner-peace through use of our own mind? Every day, your mind processes a barrage of emotions, visual images, memories, and more. Overcoming that internal chatter is hard, but when you meditate, you teach your mind to narrow its concentration to one thing, limiting the stimulation to your nervous system.

There are many ways to meditate, but they all strive for the same goal: Relaxation.

Since mediation is a mental discipline, one has to wonder: what exactly changes in the brain of a long-time meditator? Psychology is the study of mental processes and behavior, and by applying a psychological perspective, I want to find out why meditation works so well as a simple stress reducer.

Physiological Psychology: What changes in the brain?

This subdivision of psychology studies the mechanisms of the brain and their relation to one’s behaviors and perception. I’ve done some research and listed a few important findings on what meditation accomplishes within the brain of a meditator.

photo credit: brentk

Though your mind is focused, some activities inside your brain go unchecked. In EEG (electroencephalograph) studies, brainwaves of different frequencies are measured, and many found an increase in these following brainwaves:

Alpha Waves: Healthy alpha wave production supports mental resourcefulness, better mental coordination, and improves the general sense of relaxation and weariness. Many believe alpha waves are the bridges between consciousness and unconsciousness. Meditation synchronizes alpha activity between the four regions of the brain: left, right, anterior, and posterior, which positively correlates with creativity.

Theta Waves: Theta waves come in strong bursts in long-term meditators who report a peaceful, drifting, and pleasant experience at the time. These waves enhance creativity, intuition, and daydreaming. It is also a storage area for memories, emotions, and sensations. Theta waves are strong during any sort of spiritual focus and they reflect the state between wakefulness and sleep.

Beta Waves: When the EEG shows bursts of Beta waves, experienced meditators report an approach of yogic ecstasy or a state of intense concentration sometimes accompanied by an acceleration of heart rate. Beta waves can increase mental ability, focus, and alertness.

Meditation in Relation to Brain Hemispheres

Meditation seems to give us slight control of specific brain functions as well. We have two hemispheres to our brain each with different predominant functions: left (language/math/logic) and right (spatial abilities/face recognition/visual imagery/music).

Some studies show control of brain functions the importance of the right hemisphere during meditation:

Bennett and Trinder (1977) reported that transcendental meditators could shift brain activity
Davidson (1976) reported that, during mystical experience, the right hemisphere dominates cerebral function.

One study concluded that meditation might begin with activity in the left hemisphere, which then gives way to functioning characteristics of the right hemisphere. Another study suggests that meditation may inhibit the left hemisphere, shifting the focus of consciousness to the right hemisphere.

In conclusion, the right hemisphere (being synthetic and holistic) seems to be dominant in meditation. Both left and right hemisphere activities are slightly repressed in advanced meditation, however. These findings are evidence that meditation does indeed narrow focus in the brain and can even transcend a meditator to an even clearer mind by repressing both hemispheres.

“Self-awareness is the path to self-mastery; self-mastery is the way to happiness.”
-Unknown

Meditation vs. Frustration

photo credit: CCBImages

The best way to notice the benefits of meditation is to take a close look at the behaviors and health of meditators versus non-meditators. A study by Dr. Jon Kabat-Zinn of the University of Massachusetts Medical School recorded the brain waves of stressed-out employees working in a high-tech firm in Wisconsin. The subjects were divided into two groups: 25 subjects were asked to learn meditation over eight weeks and the remaining 16 were left as a control group.
All participants had their brain waves scanned three times during the study: once at the beginning, once after eight weeks when the 25 subjects completed their meditation course, and once four months afterward.

The results?
The meditation group showed a shift in activity to the left frontal lobe. People with more activity in the left frontal cortex than in the right tend to have a cheerful temperament. These people tend to have a more positive disposition and are more willing to interact with people and be content with their lives.

Those with more activity in the right frontal area of the brain hesitate during encounters with people or situations and stress out over the smallest of situations.

photo credit: Nejron

Those who meditate and are happy are healthier on all levels and their brains are free to process information and solve problems more creatively. Meditation clears out the insignificant junk in your mind and boosts its performance.

There are many other effects of meditation from which a stressed out high-tech firm employee would benefit:

Regulates heart rate, breathing, cholesterol, and blood pressure
Increases creativity
Reduces tension, anxiety, and stress
Less activity in the amygdala where the brain processes fear
Clears state of mind and makes it easier to kick addictions and self-defeating behaviors
Greater intimacy with friends and family members
Over-all positive emotions and state of mind
Increases power of awareness by developing concentration on a particular object
Investigate your inner self and question and contemplate the nature of existence itself

Go out and explore for yourself!

These are just a few aspects in which meditation can shape your life, but there are so much more. The mind is a powerful tool and mechanism with thousands of undiscovered talents and processes. Feel free to explore the inner workings of your mind, strive towards improving it for the better, and treat it well. Meditating gives your mind a healthy refreshing, just what it needs to keep you and your outlook healthy and positive.

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Want More Regular Updates? Follow Me on Twitter.

The Daily Minder — Sat, 03 Jan 2009 07:31:22 +0000

I just wanted to write a quick post to acknowledge all the emails I have received over the last two weeks asking me to update more regularly.

I am deeply sorry for not writing more often and, to be honest, feel dreadful that the blog has slowed down to a measly two posts per week. Life (and work!) has got the better of me and I am struggling to keep my eyes open past 5pm at night.

But there is some good news. I am now on Twitter. This is yet another social media service that allows people to post updates every few seconds. If you would like to know what I am up to during the day or any thoughts I am having then it might be a good idea to follow me on Twitter. I have seen some really good conversations taking place on Twitter and thought it might be a good place to catch up with all my friends from The Daily Mind.

Lastly, I am going to try really hard to write more posts in 2009. I have a few really great ideas up my sleeve and hopefully you will see some really good stuff on here soon. Please make sure you are subscribed so you don’t miss anything.

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The Perfect Handshake: How to Shake Hands Like JFK and Make an Impression

The Daily Minder — Sat, 27 Dec 2008 04:26:05 +0000

image thanks: jfklibrary.org

Did you know that John F. Kennedy commissioned an entire study to determine the most effective handshake? And with good reason! More than just a sign of friendship, your handshake speaks volumes about who you are as a person. A soft hand shake can indicate insecurity. A quick-to-let-go handshake can convey arrogance. Kennedy knew that he would be shaking hands with the world’s most powerful men and women and as such he wanted to get it right. We should endeavor to do the same.

In this post I am going to give you a few tips on how to shake hands like JFK. We all know that first impressions last and it is often your handshake that makes the first impression.

The origins of the handshake?

photo credit: iirraa

As with most human behaviors, the origins of the handshake seems to predate recorded history. We can never know for certain where the handshake originated or why people started doing it. However, there are a few plausible theories.

The most widely accepted theory is that hand shaking originated in medieval Europe where knights would extend their hand to other knights in order to show that they had no weapons hidden or concealed behind their back. This seems to fit quite nicely with the modern version of a handshake - two people using one single gesture to convey friendship, openness and non-harming.

Regardless of its origins, the handshake has become a solid part of modern life and culture. People of all races, shapes, sizes and status use the handshake as a way to greet a person, make an agreement or say goodbye.

Why is our handshake so important?

As I mentioned earlier, the way you shake hands speaks volumes about who you are as a person. For some people a handshake is just a useless formality but to others it is a massive indication of a person’s depth of character, trustworthiness and strength. When you shake hands with a person you are doing much more than saying “hello”. You are saying “this is who I am“.

Imagine a leader like John F. Kennedy who was in power during a time of worldwide nuclear uncertainty. A weak handshake with a Cuban or Soviet dignitary could create great problems for the United States as a whole. A strong handshake, on the other hand, could convey confidence, stability and trustworthiness and open up new dialogues and friendships between leaders that have long been opponents.

If you are a business person your handshake can be the maker or breaker of a big contract or deal. If you are a doctor or health care provider your handshake can fill a patient with confidence and trust. It is extremely important for all people, regardless of your race or way of life, to learn how to shake hands with meaning.

The handshake that lost an election

In 2004 there was a big election in Australia. The current Prime Minster was John Howard and he had lost a lot of public trust after agreeing to follow Bush into Iraq and Afghanistan. Many people thought he was going to lose the election after being in office for years.

His political opponent in the election was a newcomer on the scene called Mark Latham. He had injected a bit of vitality into the opposition party and local political commentators thought he had a good shot at getting into power.

But one handshake ruined it all. A few days before the election John Howard and Mark Latham met at a radio interview and Latham shook the Prime Minister’s hand in a very aggressive manner - pulling him close and staring him down. Footage of the handshake spread like wildfire and it was all over the news for weeks. Although public opinion of John Howard was at an all time low, people thought Mark Latham was a bully for the way he “roughed up” the PM.

Latham lost the election. Lost it in a landslide. After the election the polls showed that the major reason people voted against Latham was because of his overly aggressive handshake. One handshake lost him the election.

This is the only footage of the handshake that I could find. It starts at 1:54. The short bald guy on the right is Prime Minster Howard. Take a look at how Latham pulls him right up close and stares him in the eyes. This is how you should shake hands if you want to lose an election.

How to shake hands like John F. Kennedy

JFK’s study into handshakes found that the most effective handshake was the “double handshake” where the left hand is placed under the right hand to “cup” the clasped hands. Positioning the left hand in this way adds an extra dimension of enthusiasm and trust to the shake and conveys a great sense of friendship and trust in the other person.

However, the actual shaking of the hands is, in reality, only a small part of the business of shaking hands. Here are a few tips on how you can make the perfect handshake:

1. Look the person in the eyes
The position of your eyes is almost as important as the hands themselves. In fact, many leading business men and women will tell you that it is your eyes that convey the most about you during that initial point of contact. If you look down to the ground you are telling the person that you are shy, nervous and even untrustworthy. Avoiding eye contact is behavior typically seen in someone who has done something wrong and feels ashamed of guilty.

Looking the person in the eyes shows that you are engaging them. It shows that you are interested in this meeting and you are glad to see them. Always make sure you look a person in the eyes when you shake their hand, no matter how busy or brief the handshake might be.

2. Use a firm grip
The key element of a good handshake is a firm grip. A soft grip doesn’t speak very good things and sometimes people will take it to mean that you are weak of character or not really interested in the person with whom you are shaking hands.

A firm grip, on the other hand, shows confidence, strength and enthusiasm. Is shows you are keen to get involved with the person and you are firmly committed to being there. Be careful not to go overboard though, a bone crushing grip can appear extremely arrogant.

3. Don’t be too hasty
A handshake should be inviting but not rushed. When you rush a handshake you inevitably get caught in that embarrassingly halfhearted position where neither person is really gripping properly. When you go in for a handshake offer your hand with your fingers straight and your thumb high and make sure you do not grip until the person’s thumb is firmly locked next to yours.

You should also not be too hasty in letting go. Germ freaks like Donald Trump often let go quickly and it is seen by many people as a big insult. If you can’t even shake my hand how can we develop a trusting relationship? Make sure you hold on for long enough to show the person that you are excited to meet them.

4. Don’t shake too much
I know it is called a handshake but the term is a little bit misleading. One of the worst handshakes you can get is the one where the person shakes your arm like they are trying to tear it off. Not a good idea. Perhaps think of it more as a handgrip instead of a handshake. It is fine to do two or three small shakes but that is enough. Too much shaking can convey over-excitment and in some cases it gives the impression that you are desperate. You never want to be portraying yourself as desperate, even if you are. Make sure you don’t overdo the shaking.

5. Make correct use of the left hand

image:pennlive.com

JFK thought the best place for the left hand was cupped under the shaking hands. However, this might not always be appropriate. The JFK cupped left hand is really quite an intimate grip. It is something you would do to someone you really admire or an old business friend that you haven’t seen in years. JFK correctly used it on foreign leaders, party donors, etc.

Personally, however, I do not think the double handed shake is always appropriate. For example, I would never use the JFK double shake when introducing myself for the first time to a new client who was older than me. It can come across as a little enthusiastic.

But you should use the left hand. Humans are intimate beings and (with a few rare exceptions) love to be physically interacted with. When I meet a new client I give a firm shake with my right hand and use the left hand to touch them on the shoulder or elbow region. If you are shaking hands to say goodbye to someone you can use your left hand to pat them on the upper back as they walk away. This physical details are extremely important.

But sometimes the “correct” use of the left hand is not to use it at all. You will find yourself in certain situations where it might not be appropriate to do anything other than give a quick shake with your right hand. Make sure you use your own intelligence to determine the best use of the left hand. One place where the JFK shake is really very good is when you have just reached and agreement or a deal with a person and you want to express your happiness.

6. Use your speech in conjunction with the handshake
Remember, the act of shaking hands is more than just the two hands meeting. It involves eye contact, shoulder touching, a firm grip, and many other factors. One thing you should never forget to do when shaking someone’s hand is use your speech in conjunction with the handshake.

The most important speech to remember when shaking hands is the person’s name. ALWAYS call them by their name and never use lazy substitutes like “mate”, “brother” or “dude”. People love to hear their own name. When you shake a person’s hand and greet them by their name you are effectively saying “you are important enough to me that I bothered to remember your name”. Using a word like “mate” shows you don’t really care.

Remembering people’s names at golf with my father
A long time ago my father (a big time business man) took me out to a golf game. He told me I would be meeting a lot of high powered men from around the country. He told me to pay attention to their names and remember them as if my life depended on it. He also told me to pay attention to the men who greeted him by his name and the men who greeted him by saying “mate” or some other nick name.

As it so happened, the guys who used nicknames were 100% of the time the guys that nobody else in the group really interacted with and on several occasions they were even disparaged as being untrustworthy. In the car on the way home my father told me that 50% of a business deal is done in the initial handshake and remembering the person’s name is the most important part of that handshake. He was on to something.

You can take this theory one step further and remember a fact about the person’s life. If, for example, you know that the person just bought a new Mercedes Benz you can shake their hand and say something like, “Great to see you again John. How’s that Mercedes treating you?”. This is a fantastic way to show you are interested.

When you use your speech in conjunction with the handshake you are interacting with the person physically, verbally and emotionally. A triple header handshake like this leaves an impression.

7. Remind people of your name straight away
Another trick my father taught me is to remind people of your name as soon as you shake their hand. It is important to realize that other people want to remember your name just as much as you want to remember theirs - nobody likes forgetting a name.

If you have met a person before try to give them a little reminder as you shake their hand. You could say something like, “David Johnson. Great to see you again John.” This will help to put them at ease and hopefully make the meeting a little more streamlined.

Conclusion

The handshake is extremely important to our society. Peace treaties have been promised over a handshake. Wars have been ended by a handshake. Great business deals have begun because of a good handshake. Make sure you follow the tips above whenever you shake someone’s hand. A good handshake is a first impression that will last a long time in person’s mind.

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17 Simple Mantras to Get You Through Christmas Angst

The Daily Minder — Wed, 24 Dec 2008 07:31:22 +0000

photo credit: techmeister

Did you know that there are more suicides at Christmas time than any other time of the year? Did you know there are more runaways, family arguments and violent domestic acts on the 25th of December than any other day of the year? This supposedly joyous time of year can actually be quite devastating. Many people experience a lot of angst, anxiety and family related stress.

In this post I want to give you 17 simple mantras that you can use to help you get through your Christmas issues.

1. Today is only 24 hours long
2. Tomorrow will be better
3. Everyone here is doing their best
4. These people are my family, I should give them a second chance
5. I should try to be an example for everyone here
6. Do it for the children
7. Christmas is not about gifts
8. Patience is the most powerful retaliation
9. Compassion can get me through anything
10. Anger only results in more anger
11. Everyone has their own problems that made them this way
12. I did the best I could
13. I don’t dislike that person, I dislike their behavior
14. I will love each person like my own mother
15. There is no shame is responding with humility
16. This person will be gone one day, is this argument worth it?
17. Just be happy

I know these mantras are nothing special. However, sometimes when you are feeling anxious or angry you need a little mental reminder to keep you on track. For all of you out there who feel like Christmas is a horrible time of year, please remember that it won’t last forever. Try to have a good day.

From the bottom of my heart I wish all of my readers out there a fantastically Merry Christmas! I hope your day is generous, positive and extremely love-filled. I hope that tomorrow you reconnect with your family and friends and put aside your differences and squabbles and just enjoy the opportunity to be together.

Merry Christmas!

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How to Make a Cheap Fish Pond for Meditation and Good Feng Shui

The Daily Minder — Tue, 23 Dec 2008 07:15:19 +0000

To me there is nothing more relaxing than a nice pond with trickling water and fish swimming about. Ever since I was very little I have found great pleasure in sitting by a lake or river for a few minutes of relaxing meditation. Recently I also discovered that a fish pond is great for Feng Shui. The Chinese even believe a pond by your front door can bring great wealth and success to the household.

A few weeks ago I set up my own very cheap fish pond complete with a solar powered water fountain. It is really quite sharp! In this post I will show you how to make a beautiful fish pond for around $100. It will take about an hour to set up but you will be extremely glad you took the time to do it.

What is Feng Shui?

I am not normally into Feng Shui but lately I have become a little more interested in it. As you know I have started my own business and when you are out on your own trying to earn money you will take any help you can get. And when I heard that certain Feng Shui activities could help to improve my financial situation I thought I would give it a whirl.

Now Feng Shui is an art that originated in China and is all about using positive energies in your home or office to bring about certain outcomes. Many people think the whole thing is baloney but the more I look at it the more I can see there is some wisdom behind its practices.

For example, Feng Shui tells us that you should have pictures of running water, good crops and symbols of money on your work desk. This makes sense because they all act as mental ques for you and help to get you in the “money making zone”. You wouldn’t really want pictures of death and destruction in your workplace would you?

There are Feng Shui tips for money, health, a good sex life, love, spirituality, etc. Depending on your level of interest you can rework your whole house to be Feng Shui ready or just change a few positive items in a room. The hard thing about Feng Shui is that it is different for the Northern and Southern Hemisphere and there are different lines of thinking. For example, some schools work around magnetic North while other school believe North indicates the main entrance of your home (even if it faces another direction). So if a Feng Shui website tells you that the wealth section of your home is in the East you better make sure you know which way East really is!

Feng Shui, millionaires and fish ponds

I recently read an article about a whole pile of Asian millionaires who believed that a beautiful flowing water fish pond at the front of their businesses and homes was a big factor in their level of success. There was even a story about a Malaysian hotel (maybe the Hilton?) which was about to go bankrupt and in a last ditch effort to save the joint the owner built an elaborate fish pond at the entrance.

They are now the most popular hotel in the region.

If you think this is all hocus pocus I don’t blame you. It does sound very new-age. But, as I said earlier, when you start your own business you want all the help you can get. And seeing as we are in a big financial crisis right now maybe we all need a little more positive Feng Shui in our lives!

Fish ponds and relaxing meditation

Let’s put all this Feng Shui stuff aside for a moment and talk about creating a relaxing outdoor area for your meditation practice. A fish pond with trickling water is one of the best ways to turn a boring area into a place that is alive, inspiring and extremely relaxing.

Everyone these days is struggling with stress. We go to work and then come home tight bundles of anxiety. But a flowing fish pond can really help this. It has helped me. Every time I feel an attack of the stresses coming on I make myself a cup of tea and head out to sit by the fish pond. The sound of the flowing water alone is enough to calm me down and leave me feeling relaxed and rejuvenated.

The fish pond I built cost around $250 but you could do it for much less. It is a small price to pay in order to have an area in your house that can act as a mini retreat center - peaceful, calm and beautiful - especially if you live in the middle of a busy city.

How to make a cheap fish pond for meditation and wealth

In order to maximize the Feng Shui related benefits of a fish pond it should be placed directly in front of the main entrance of your house. Now, your main entrance is the one you use the most often, not necessarily the front door. So, if you park the car out the front and then walk around the side gate entrance to come inside then that is your main entrance and that is where the pond should be placed.

The water also needs to be flowing. A Feng Shui teacher once told me that stagnant water is a very bad thing to have for creating wealth so make sure your pond is moving. As I said, I have a neat little solar powered water fountain in mine. Costs me $0 to run and works a treat.

Here is how I built my cheap fish pond. If anyone knows a better way feel free to leave a comment and let us know.

1. Get a cheap wine barrel or water tight pot

My fish tank from IKEA

The cheapest way to make a fish pond is to use an item like a wine barrel or a giant pot. I found a fantastic iron plant pot at IKEA which is about a four feet high and cost me $40. It is completely water tight and looks pretty nice.

You can go the whole nine yards and dig up an area, cover it in black plastic and then put rocks all around the outside but I didn’t have the time or the room. I needed something simple and portable and the IKEA pot worked perfectly.

A special note here - make sure the pot is fish-friendly. Many people use bathtubs (which look great) but for some reason the fish always die. They also don’t like zinc, lead or some plastics so make sure you read up on the material before you buy it. My tank is made of iron and the fish have been happy in there for about a month so far.

2. Fill up the pot with water and leave it to de-chlorinate
The next step is to clean out the pot and fill it up with water. You need to leave the water in the pot for about a week before you add any fish. The reason for this is that our tap water has a lot of chlorine in it and you need to let that evaporate out before adding your scaly friends. If you rush this part of the process your fish will die within a few hours.

There are also some products that you can buy at a pet shop to make this process a little quicker. One is a water ager that helps make the water the right environment for the fish and one is a bacteria mix which puts a good level of healthy bacteria in the water so the fish feel like they are in their natural environment. I bought both of these for around $15 but I am not sure how essential they are.

3. Add some plants

You need to have plants in the fish tank as they take out carbon dioxide and help to oxygenate the water. The fish also eat some of the algae that grows on the plant and they often use the plants to hide from birds and other animals that might pluck them out and eat them.

I bought a simple long leafed water plant (you can see some of it above) and put it in an empty ice cream container filled with rocks and gravel. I then sank it down to the bottom of the tank and it has flourished - its now about four times as big as when I first got it. Simple, cheap and effective.

4. Select the right fish
If your tank is going to be outdoors and unheated you really only have a few options. You can’t have beautiful tropical fish like Angels and Discus, you can only have goldfish. And as far as outdoor goldfish go the best breed is called a Comet. They are very hardy, tough and can survive some pretty cold temperature.

Now here is the weird part. Feng Shui teachers assert that you have to have eight golfish - seven orange ones and one black one. Eight is a very auspicious number in China (the Olympics even started on the 8th of the 8th, 2008!) and having eight fish is seen as essential. The one black fish is supposed to act as the fall guy - Feng Shui states that he absorbs all the bad energy.

In my opinion it is cruel to have eight fish if you don’t have a big enough tank. If you are buying a massive wine barrel then eight should fit no problems, but any smaller and you might be cutting it a bit thin. Ask your pet shop owner about how much room they need in order to be happy and healthy.

5. Introduce the fish to the water
Now that you have your fish you can introduce them to the water. The best way to do this is to leave them inside the plastic bag and plop them in the fish tank. Don’t take them out of the plastic bag for about 20 minutes as this lets them acclimatize to the water slowly. If you just pour them straight out of the bag and into the water they often die due to shock from the change in temperature.

6. Set up your solar powered water fountain

I was lucky enough to get given a solar water fountain for Christmas so I saved about $150. I am pleased to report that the technology is excellent and as long as the solar panel (pictured above) is in full sun the water fountain works a treat. However, it is fine to use a normal electricity powered water fountain as long as you are prepared to pay a bit extra on your power bill. I highly recommend the solar version as it will save you lots of money over the long run.

It is pretty simple technology. The solar panel sends power down a long chord which spins a little propeller inside the fountain itself. The whole thing is waterproof which means you can have chords going under water as you can see in some of the photos above.

Ideally you would mount the solar panel on your roof but I am unable to as the possums in my area seem to really like electricity chords! At the moment it is just on the ground but I will think of a better solution soon.

The best way to set up the water fountain itself is to jam it in between some nice rocks in the water. I used some broken bricks that were lying around my backyard and it works (and looks) fine. Just make sure you clean the rocks before you put them in and be careful to leave your fish enough swimming room.

7. Feed your fish
The only other thing you need to do is feed your fish occasionally. They do not need to be fed very often as they get a lot of bugs and algae from the pond already. There is a great saying, “a hungry fish is a happy fish” and I think it is quite true. Make sure your only feed your fish a tiny pinch every day or even every second day. That is all they need.

Conclusion

That’s it! Now you have your very own fish pond meditation sanctuary. If anyone gets around to doing this I would love to see some photos of what you create. And, if you make a lot of money maybe you could send me some!

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The Daily Mind is Looking for Guest Authors

The Daily Minder — Fri, 19 Dec 2008 02:35:26 +0000

photo credit: Alexander Diep

Would you like to write for The Daily Mind? Do you have something helpful to share or some advice to give? Would you like to promote your own blog to a new audience? While The Daily Mind is not the biggest blog in the world, it consistently gets around 1000 visitors a day and has about 1300 loyal and fantastic subscribers.

Why I’m looking for guest authors
As many of my long-time readers know I work from home and as that business grows I am having less and less time to write quality articles for this blog. I would love to find a couple of regular guest authors who could contribute some quality material as a supplement to my own writing.

What I’m looking for
At the moment I would love to find one or two quality authors who would like to do one or two guest posts per week. Perhaps you could have a regular spot on a Wednesday or something like that. The topics you can write about include:

how to attain happiness
motivational and inspiration stories and posts
how to deal with stress, depression and anxiety
how to help others
posts on spirituality, meditation and mindfulness
productivity and success
helpful posts on any area that might make the daily grind meaningful!

How to apply
If you would like to write for The Daily Mind please send me an email using the contact form and tell me what you can offer. Please also attach a link to some of your writing. I am really looking forward to reading some of these!

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5 Ways to Destroy Your Daily Depression

The Daily Minder — Wed, 17 Dec 2008 05:19:00 +0000

photo credit: AdamCohn

We all know the feeling of daily depression. It is that sh$%house state where you feel depressed for no particular reason. You can’t seem to get excited or happy about anything and you feel boxed-in, trapped and alone.

In this post I am going to show you 5 simple ways to destroy those feelings of daily depression. Everyone can use these suggestions and I promise at least one of them will make a difference in your life.

Daily depression vs clinical depression

Before I get into the meat of the post I want to qualify some terms. Daily depression is a phrase that I came up with to describe that general feeling of being down in the dumps. We all get it occasionally - it might be related to work or marriage or your life in general - but it is basically just feeling down for no real reason.

Clinical depression, on the other hand, is a more serious issue. This type of depression can severely affect the way you live your life and requires treatment from a doctor or counselor. While daily depression might be a symptom of a more serious type of depression, this post is more about how to destroy those down-and-out feelings that we all get sometimes.

The idea of destroying feelings

I want to talk about something important here. The idea of “destroying” your feelings is an interesting one. The idea is based in Buddhist thought and my interest was sparked when I read a quote by the famous master Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche who said this about his ego:

“I don’t like you. I am going to destroy you.”

The idea here is that his ego is the source of his problems and as such he is going to do everything he can to cut that ego off at the root. We can do the same thing for our depression. We understand that it is causing us problems and as such we are going to try to eradicate it.

Now, I do not think that “destroying” necessarily means violence and explosions and angry retaliation. You are never going to solve your depression that way. What it does mean is that you are going to take certain steps to ensure that you conquer it. Think of this destruction as coming about through peace treaty, not war!

5 ways to destroy your daily depression

photo credit: BL1961

Now that I have done a little bit of in introduction I would like to get into the main part of the post. Here are five ways that you can start destroying your daily moods of depression. See how they work for you. And don’t forget, if I miss anything out please leave a comment and let us all know.

1. Get into some wide open space
I work from home. I sit in a nice little room with my nice little laptop. My cat sits next to me on a blanket and watches me all day as I type away. It is quite lovely. But every now and then I get a massive case of cabin fever. My mood changes and I feel depressed, cooped up and down for no real reason. When this happens I find that wide open space cures me.

So, I grab my laptop, get in my car, stop off for a coffee and head up to a spot about 10 minutes from my house. It is a beautiful lookout area that overlooks my entire city. Here is a photo I took for you all today:

The place is chirping with birds, buzzing with bees and there is a serene breeze that comes down the hill and washes over the whole area. I open up the windows of my car, turn on my lap top and work while the wind blows over me. There I am, in the center of wide open space, working away.

Depression destroyed.

Wide open space is actually listed in many ancient Buddhist texts as a way to destroy feelings of depression. When you are in the middle of space you feel alive, invigorated and full of energy. Your mind slowly starts to loosen up and you lose those feelings of captivity - captivated by work, money, mortgages and stress. When your mind loosens up into the space you become free, open and calm.

If you want to destroy your daily depression I highly encourage you to find a place where you can go and just sit in space. It might be the middle of a super large football field or it might be a lookout like mine. It doesn’t matter. All that matters is that you take time to relax and open up into the space. Let your mind loosen up into its natural state.

Actually, I discovered the power of wide open spaces when I was in India. I wrote about it in this post on my rock high in the Himalayas.

2. Meet with some healthy friends
Time for something a little bit more scientific. I recently heard about a study which involved a whole bunch of depressed people. The study gave them each a different method for dealing with their depression and in the end it was found that associating with people was the most effective method. However, it was the method least engaged in because quite often you don’t feel like seeing anyone when you are feeling depressed.

Human beings are, for the most part, very social creatures. We are built that way. We live in communities, marry other humans for (ideally) the long term and we raise big families that last lifetimes. We love socializing. So it makes sense that being around other people is going to make us happy.

However, there is a danger here. Quite often human beings choose to socialize with the wrong crowd. We pick people that give us instant gratification, take us out for big Friday night benders and ultimately lead us down a self-destructive path. What I would like to propose is that instead of picking just anyone to connect with, you connect with healthy friends and family.

Here is my reasoning. Once I was in India attending a teaching of a very great lama. This lama was teaching about how to safeguard your ethics and he started the teaching by saying something very profound:

“A crystal reflects whatever color is around it. Put white paper underneath and it turns white. Put black paper underneath and it turns black. Be careful who you associate with. Put a rose in a bag of fish and soon the rose will stink too. Be careful who you associate with.”

I was quite struck by his words and it immediately hit me that our friends and associates have a massive effect on who we are and how we behave. If we hang out with criminals we are probably more likely to be involved in a crime. But, if we find healthy, happy, compassionate and loving friends it is more likely that their positive influence will rub off on us.

If you are experiencing feelings of daily depression it is a great idea to meet with some people that live a healthy and happy life. Go out for lunch or meet up to watch a DVD. The very act of being around a compassionate person will benefit your mind in so many ways. It is very rare that you leave feeling worse than when you arrived.

3. Eat food that accords with your mood

photo credit: nicholaschan

Food is something that we need to choose carefully. It is not just something we eat to fill our hunger, it is our fuel, our lifeblood, our energy. Choose the right food and you can feel energetic, healthy and awake. Choose the wrong food and you can be left feeling depressed and heavy.

The idea of choosing foods that suit your mental state is not one often heard of in Western society. We are mostly concerned with low carb, low calorie, low fat or some other health kick like that. But in the East they often pick foods based on the season and how their mind is behaving.

For example, if you are feeling sleepy, depressed and tired it is a good idea to eat light foods like fresh fruits, fruit juice and other natural produce. You want to avoid heavy things with lots of fat in them. On the other hand, if your mind is going a million miles and hour you might want to try eating some heavier foods like wholegrain bread sandwiches, free range eggs and milk. This will help to slow your mind down a little bit.

On the whole I suggest that everyone should eat a diet based mostly around natural foods. This does not mean you have to go organic or anything like that, it just means you should avoid man-made foods like pasta, baked goods, candy, bars, soda, etc. and replace them with fruits, vegetables, free range eggs, etc. A healthy body often leads to a healthy mental state.

Here is another post I wrote about foods that make you stressed, anxious and depressed.

4. Shift your perspective
Quite often daily depression comes about due to a negative perspective. Instead of seeing all the positive things in life you focus on the bad things. Instead of seeing the potential in your situation you focus on the doom. One way to destroy your depression now and in the long term is to shift your perspective.

His Holiness the Dalai Lama often talks about how important it is to shift your perspective. If you can shift your perspective you can turn your the worst hatred into the best compassion. For example, let’s pretend that a drink driver crashed into your car causing you to go to hospital. It would be easy to hate this person. But, if you use logical thoughts you might be able to shift your perspective from hatred to love. Perhaps the person was drinking because their partner just cheated on them? Perhaps the were drinking because they had a terrible upbringing and are suffering from severe depression. What if they spend all day and all night regretting what they had done to you? Would you still want to be angry?

This is just one example of how you can shift your perspective. The same can be done for any situation that makes you depressed. If you are thinking a lot about how much your work sucks then make a shift to thinking about how lucky you are to even have a job after the latest financial crisis. If you are worried about being an angry person make a shift and think about how fortunate you are to be able to recognize that there is work to be done. Simple shifts like this can go a long way.

Remember, the mind can be trained. You are in control of that training. It might not seem like it at the moment but the more you work with your mind the more responsive it will be. After a few months of shifting your perspective you might find that the negative one never arises at all!

5. Start helping others with their depression

photo credit: super.heavy

One of the most meaningful and powerful ways to destroy your daily depression is to start helping other people with their depression. This is a fail safe method that will enhance the quality of your life and make you feel like you are doing something worthwhile.

Helping others with depression does not mean going and getting a psychology degree and sitting people down on a big couch and listening to their life problems. It is more than that. It is a lifestyle, a mental attitude, a commitment to be of assistance. Did you ever have a person you could go as a teenager where you always felt safe? It might have been your best friend’s dad or a sporting coach. Do you remember how that felt? It was like getting a bear hug from the universe! Whatever you were doing and wherever you were you always knew you could go to see that person.

Well that is what I am talking about. Being like that for other people. When they are down and in the dumps they can come to you knowing that you care. This is one of the greatest gifts you can give a person and it is one of the most rewarding ways to deal with your depression.

I would like to finish this article with one of my favorite quotes of all time. I think this quote perfectly sums up the sentiment of this final point. I read it often.

“For as long as space endures,
And for as long as living beings remain,
Until then may I, too, remain
To dispel the misery of the world.”

- Shantideva, The Way of the Bodhisattva

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How to Become the Happiest Person You Know

The Daily Minder — Mon, 15 Dec 2008 08:13:40 +0000

photo credit: iMorpheus

Have you ever met one of those people that just ooze happiness? They are amazing company and they often command the attention of everybody in the vicinity. Being around them even makes you feel happier - it’s as if their peace of mind is contagious. What a wonderful gift that they have to give!

Well, believe it or not, happiness is not reserved for an elite few. It is the innate potential of every human being. In this post I want to show you how to become the happiest person you know. It’s really not that hard.

Remember how to enjoy life’s simple pleasures

photo credit: justonlysteve

Cast your mind back to when you were a preschooler. Everything was fascinating. Bugs that crawled along the ground grabbed your attention and made your giggle with glee. The rain that fell from the sky was not a cause for rush or despair - it made you drop what you were doing, throw some gumboots on and rush out to splash in some muddy puddles. And every person that you met was interesting - a new story to connect with, a new friend to be made or a new clubhouse member to battle with.

The happiest people are those that enjoy life’s simple pleasures. They do not long for amazing mansions and fast cars. They do not need a $50 bottle of wine with dinner to feel relaxed. Their happiness’s in life come easy and frequently.

The yogi with no home or money
Take the example of Milarepa, Tibet’s greatest ever yogi. He lived in caves, ate simple foods and wore only a single white cloth. But he was one of the happiest people that ever lived. His thousands of songs are characterized by an amazing love of life and joy for everything that he encounters. He had no money or home but he was happy. He often commented to his students that he didn’t want money or nice things because then he would spend too much time worrying about maintaining and protecting them. Instead he opted for a cave in the mountains, sunshine on his face and wind in his hair.

Now we do not need to sell our homes and retreat into the woods to be as happy as Milarepa. But we do need to start enjoying the simple things in life. It is extremely important to realize that you don’t NEED anything to be happy other than a roof over your head, a meal to eat and a place to sleep. The rest is a bonus. If you want to be the happiest person you know start getting back to life’s simple pleasures.

Get simple, once a week
One way you can do this is allot a few hours of the week to doing something simple. Go for a walk in the forest or hike up a hill just to see the view. Find some natural ways to marvel at the many things in life that are causes for being happy. In the words of my fourth grade art teacher - keep it simple stupid. Here are some ideas:

walk along the beach with your feet in the water
go for a bike ride down a hill
play some sport with a friend or relative
read a classic book or poem
meditate on compassion
cook a simple meal and enjoy it outdoors
take your dog out to meet some other dogs
find a clean natural lake to swim in
build your spouse a gift from hand

Get truly interested in other people’s happiness

photo credit: H.Singh

One of the first things you will notice about happy people is that they are more interested in your your happiness than they are in their own. They truly want you to be happy and they are truly upset when they are not. Let me tell you a story about this.

A story of the Dalai Lama
Many years ago when I was in India I met a great Buddhist lama who had been in retreat in the caves of Tibet for many years. He had a worldwide reputation for being one of the most enlightened masters alive today - people even said that he could read minds and fly through the sky! That was the power of his meditation.

During my meeting with him I asked him a question about how to tell if a Buddhist teacher was a genuine master or a fake charlatan. He told me that a real master is only concerned with other people’s welfare. And he gave the example of the Dalai Lama. He said that if you watched the Dalai Lama carefully when he traveled around the world you would notice that he looked at every person that came into his line of sight. He never ignored anyone. He would meet with all people - high or low, rich or poor, sick or healthy - and be truly interested in how they were. And he never put his own needs before others, even when he was unwell. Finally the master remarked that this was one of the 21 signs of a truly enlightened person - a Buddha.

Proof
The world’s happiest people are truly concerned with the happiness of others. They understand that, in order to be happy yourself, you have to want other people to be happy. It is not enough to seek one’s own happiness, you have to help others. If you want proof of this fact take a look at the next happy person that you meet. Watch how they interact with others. Watch the way they listen to other people’s complaints without needing to share their own. Watch the way they ask genuine questions about the person’s life or health. They spend very little time talking about themselves. Mostly because they aren’t interested.

We should all try to emulate the examples of the Dalai Lama given above. When you meet people in the street smile at them, notice them. When you are introduced to a person at a party try to be interested in their story instead of just wanting to share your own. When you start really becoming interested in the happiness of others you will find that you yourself become a happier person. This is the type of happiness that is infectious.

Don’t let life’s worries blow you around

photo credit: Altogether-Aido

I truly believe that you learn the most about a person when the chips are down. Everyone is nice and happy and charming when the sun is shining and the birds are chirping. But when the chips are down you see a person’s true character come out. And happy people do extremely well when the chips are down.

Most people get really blown around by life’s worries. Money, mortgages, work, family… it all takes a big toll on them. The stress builds up and up and up until they cannot take anymore. They snap at their family members, get angry with their work colleagues and live their life in an extremely moody and unsettled way. IT is very sad.

Happiness amongst stress
Happy people, on the other hand, do not let life’s worries get them down. They still have the same worries as you and me but they do not allow them to affect their happiness too much. This is a fantastic skill to have in life - the realization that one can still be happy amongst life’s crap.

Think about that for a second: you can be happy amongst life’s stress, sickness and heartache. You can live a very stressful life and still be happy.

The reason this is possible is because happiness comes from within. It does not come from without. I recently gave the example of someone who is having an extremely bad day; even though they might be doing something fun like going to the movies or eating with friends they perceive everything as negative because they are in a bad mood. On the other hand, someone who is happy could be in a bad situation like a traffic jam and feel completely at ease. This shows us that happiness comes from the mind, from within.

How to do it
The key to being happy amongst life stresses is to simply become aware of it. Awareness is the key here. If you become aware of the fact that your mind is getting agitated you will be able to catch it before the emotions become too powerful.

For example, if you are in a traffic jam and you are late for work you might start to notice your mind getting angry at the car in front of you. As you become aware of these thoughts you can apply an antidote like this:

“Getting angry isn’t going to help me move any faster. All it will do is make this situation worse for me. So I am not going to get angry. There is no point.”

Mental antidotes like this use logic to overcome useless emotions. It is a great way to develop happiness because, most of the time, it is illogical not to be happy!

Become an independent soul

photo credit: hessiebell

The last thing I want to mention is the fact that most happy people are extremely independent individuals. Sure, they love other people and want them to be happy but they do not rely on anyone else to make them happy.

Being alone but not lonely
A few weeks ago I wrote a post called Loneliness vs Aloneness: Lessons from a solitary mountain retreat which talked about how to be alone but not lonely. The post seemed to hit a chord with a few readers - many of them saying that “alone time” was extremely important to them. I think we can take it one step further and say that “alone time” is extremely important for your happiness in general.

The reason for this is simple: when you are left alone you are also left alone with your neurosis. You are forced to deal with all the crap in your head and, after a while, if your are lucky, you come out of that alone time knowing yourself a lot better. You learn how to deal with all the voices in your head and you are no longer afraid to be alone with yourself.

Happy people are not afraid to be alone. In fact, they like it. Happy people are independent people because they do not rely out outsiders to make them feel good. They very rarely need to be entertained or reassured by their friends. Sure, they enjoy themselves when they do go out but they would be just as happy at home with a book.

Standing up for yourself
The other thing you notice about happy people is that they do not often compromise on who they are and what they believe in. If their friends are doing something they don’t agree with they have enough strength to walk away.

This ability to stand up for yourself is a massive part of being independent and it is a massive part of being an adult. When your family or in-laws or workmates are trying to impose their “crap” on your life you are strong enough to stand up for them. It is quite rare to see a truly happy person in a situation they don’t want to be in. But, if they do get into a negative situation they handle themselves honorably and deal with people patiently and with compassion.

Conclusion

Happiness is not something that happens overnight. It is not something that will happen by the end of the month or maybe even the end of the year. It takes work. It takes mental training and discipline. But, if you follow these simple steps and try to be kinder, more friendly and more tolerant you will start to notice happiness creeping in to your life.

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How to Overcome Low Self-Esteem and Stand Tall Today

The Daily Minder — Fri, 12 Dec 2008 02:38:11 +0000

photo credit: HAMED MASOUMI

“One can be deceived by three types of laziness:
of indolence, which is the wish to procrastinate;
the laziness that is attachment to negative actions, or putting great effort into non-virtue;
and the laziness of inferiority, which is doubting your capabilities.” - His Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama.

Do you walk down the street with your shoulders hunched forward and your eyes to the ground? Do you avoid looking people in the eyes? Is your opinion of yourself mostly negative? If you answered “yes” to any of these then chances are you are suffering from low self-esteem.

In this post I am going to show you how to improve your levels of self-esteem and stand tall today. It is my sincere hope that this post acts as a cause for some people out there to change the way they feel about themselves.

What is low self-esteem?

Low self-esteem is something that can be permanent or fleeting. It is where you hold a negative view of yourself. It is where you think you are “unworthy” or “stupid” and that you don’t deserve the same success and happiness that other people enjoy.

It can come about due to an event in one’s life or it can be something that happens as a result of your upbringing. For some people there is no apparent cause. Whatever the reason, low self-esteem can be extremely debilitating.

How do people with low self-esteem behave?

People with low levels of self-esteem are often timid, shy, anxious and cautious. They are often reluctant to talk to people or try new things because they do not have high levels of inner security to back them up.

Low self-esteem and murderers
The old theory was that people with low self-esteem were more likely to commit a homicide or violent act. Scientific research is now showing this to be incorrect. It is actually more likely that someone with super high levels of self-esteem will commit a murder.

Evidence has shown that murders often happen because a person thinks he/she is better than someone else and when that self-image is challenged the person often acts out violently. Many serial killers have been recorded saying that they thought that they were superior to their victims and as such had little regard for their life.

How to overcome low self esteem

photo credit: Dave Schumaker

My main motivation for doing this post is to help you improve your levels of self esteem and develop some real inner confidence. Have a read through these suggestions and see if any of them work for you.

See through the mirage of the label “self-esteem”

The first thing that I want to talk about is that fact that the phrase “self-esteem” is not at all helpful. In fact, many psychologists now think that the whole “self-esteem” issue is an overstated bunch of baloney!

When you read or hear about low self-esteem you develop certain concepts in your head. These concepts are not always related to reality, quite often they are jaded by your own opinions and experiences. What this means is that, unless you do a lot of study, you get the wrong idea about what self-esteem really is. And this can be dangerous.

For example, take a young girl in high school who is a little bit overweight. She sees all the other pretty girls and wishes that she was more like them. And then, perhaps, she might overhear someone say that she has low self-esteem because of her weight. As soon as she hears that she develops an idea in her head about what it means to have low-self esteem and that idea becomes solid in her mind.

Now, from that day forward that girl is going to associate the feelings that come with being overweight with having low self-esteem. She is going to assume that her low self-esteem is caused by her being overweight and that she will not be happy until she gets thin. And, in time, she might develop an unhealthy attitude towards food as well. All of this because she has an incorrect idea about the label “self-esteem”.

Low self-esteem is not permanent. It is not anything! Self-esteem was an idea cooked up many centuries ago by someone who popularized it but never really thought it through. In my opinion the label is dangerous because it sounds permanent. If you think you have low self-esteem I want you to remember that it is just a label - there is nothing substantial or existent about it at all. There is no logic behind lumping a whole group of thoughts, conditions and behaviors under one small term.

So, don’t get too caught up in thinking you have low self-esteem. The very act of saying “I have low self-esteem” is very counterproductive.

Understand that low-self esteem is workable

Leading on from the first point it is important to realize that having low self-esteem is a workable situation. As I mentioned, it is just a label and it is not something that is truly existing and as such one is able to work with it.

I want you to think about all the range of emotional states that you experience. Some days you are happy, other days you are sad. You feel burning desire and raging hatred. You feel nostalgic, hurt, defeated, jealous, depressed… the list goes on forever. But as you are well aware, all of these emotions can be worked with. Depression is not permanent and there are many ways to deal with it. That is why we have anti-depressants, psychologists and counselors!

Low-self esteem is the same as any other emotion. Sure it appears and causes havoc in your mind for a while but it has no real power and you can work on it. There are many things you can do to take control of your mind and improve your view of yourself. This is a very important point to understand.

Use the power of mantra

In Buddhism we use mantras to awaken our inner qualities. You can do the same thing if you have low self-esteem. Repetition is a major key to success when training your mind.

The mantra does not have to be made up of sacred Sanskrit syllables or anything like that. It just has to be helpful. For example, if you have trouble believing that you deserve to be happy you can repeat the mantra, “I deserve to be happy” every time you start to feel down.

Reading all this might seem a little airy fairy. You might not think it’ll work. But as I mentioned in number two, the mind and it’s emotions are workable. If you consistently train it then it will soon behave. Try creating a mantra that works for you and repeating it as often as you can.

Realize that other people’s opinions of you mean nothing

One of the main causes of low self-esteem is worrying too much about what other people think about you. You might be worrying that other people think you are too fat or too short or that your teeth aren’t straight enough. But, to be honest, who cares what other people think?

A few years ago I was in Tso Pema in India and a friend and I went to have an audience with one of the old yogis there. Now this yogi was a bit of a loose cannon as he had spent decades meditating alone in cave and had long since forgotten the customs of the world. We were excited!

Anyway, my friend asked him a question about having low self-esteem and he laughed for about two minutes and then said in a fierce tone, “What other people think about you is none of your business.” It cut right to her core. Right to the essence. And her self-esteem has steadily improved since that day.

What other people think of you really is none of your business. And who cares anyway? Everyone has their own foibles and flaws. Don’t worry too much about what other people think about yours.

Does anyone have any other suggestions? I would love to hear how any Daily Mind readers out there have overcome low self-esteem.